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My Husbands Intellect and decline into social media.

My Husbands Intellect and decline into social media.

Hi, I have been reading a few stories about of people’s lives and it has resonated with me so thought I would share mine. Maybe in the hope that somewhere out there will understand. I feel this forum may help.

My darling husband of 12 yrs has been destroyed and ruined by mental illness for 50 yrs. he is well medicated and largely stable but his memories at the hands of the mental health system from decades ago and the cruelty of his elderly mother are haunting him more and more. Mainly in the form of Paranoia and inappropriate outbursts of rage and jealousy. As goes with this life I am his only friend and up until now I have always been able to talk and walk him through the maze of hatred for people and manic behaviors but I feel I am losing my own strength to do so. I am so very tired physically pinging from day to day suffocating in his personality and lonely.

I am here, I love and adore my gentle empathetic husband but his traumas and baggage from a very cruel treatment in phsych wards of old and his mentally ill narssacistic mother are I’m afraid going to break me. We are generally very quiet, peaceful, country people and live simply and easily although money is tight as I am physically disabled and cannot walk, he has not been able to work for 8 yrs. He is extremely intelligent and was marking exam papers university level and was on staff but can no longer be a part of that world. Instead he has filled the void with the uglier part of social media and his opinionated disturbed views are at times crushing us. That’s when I beg him to stop.

He is becoming more and more resistant to me as he sees it as some way out of his own head. His rantings are becoming very delusional and he has been banned from several news platforms that in the past have been very good for intellectual stimulation that I cannot provide at such a high level. The academic world itself has a fine line that If crossed itself wipes people out as being mentally ill and therefore no longer viable. His interests are in political history and psychology he has a double degree with honors in both but was never able to complete his PHD due to the stresses and traumas of mental illness taking away his opportunity to extend the time frame of completion.

My world is spinning sometimes 20 times a day trying to follow and keep track of which direction we are going but mostly by the end of the day ending in my complete exhaustion and crying on the inside. I’m am unable to remove myself due to my own physical restraints of pain inability to walk further than the letterbox and Seeking help is difficult as his superiority leaves us on the fringe. His trust of phsychology has been broken many times after decades of innoprpriate treatments in the 1980s locked in wards but being allowed out on day leave to attend university. Somehow we just keep going. Happiness in the earlier part of the day but by nightfall misery brought on largely by the internet and his addiction to Facebook. Thankyou for listening just looking for support and maybe a little bit of a shoulder as mine are hurting. Maybe someone out there will understand. In hope.

58 replies

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In response to: My Husbands Intellect and decline into social media.

Re: My Husbands Intellect and decline into social media.

Hi there, Thankyou for checking in. We are in a really good headspace at the moment. I know it won’t last but am enjoying having my lovely man with me again. It’s a huge relief to be off the rollercoaster even just for a few days, weeks. The new psych is working out well and has been able to take a different path into the trauma behind the MI. The steps he is taking are enourmous. Leaping into the past such a hard thing to do. For now looking for the warning signs of distress but all is calm and stable. I am able to sketch and paint again without the Black looming over my shoulder ready to pounce.

sunshine to everyone. And Ty.

In response to: Re: My Husbands Intellect and decline into social media.

Re: My Husbands Intellect and decline into social media.

thank you for the update @Carlachris , keep in touch , walking with you my friend

In response to: My Husbands Intellect and decline into social media.

Re: My Husbands Intellect and decline into social media.

@Carlachris
Checking in.

In response to: My Husbands Intellect and decline into social media.

Re: My Husbands Intellect and decline into social media.

A few wobbles raising the stress levels but hopefully nothing significant on the immediate horizon. Cross fingers etc. the new psych seems to be helpful such a relief for him as well as me. Ever looking for the warning signs. I know the pattern well. Sensitive to noise is often the first and an obsession with FB. Such an awful arena when unwell. I Hope everyone is holding strong and managing to live a life of their own amongst the unusual of our loved ones. Hugs and sunshine . X

In response to: My Husbands Intellect and decline into social media.

Re: My Husbands Intellect and decline into social media.

Quick check in @Carlachris

In response to: My Husbands Intellect and decline into social media.

Re: My Husbands Intellect and decline into social media.

Thank you Darcy, a few cracks appearing, feeling overwhelmed with being the “Everything”. I become Second fiddle to FACEBOOK which will become the focus of his paranoia AGAIN. I know the pattern. All I can do is watch and wait and feel helpless whilst being suffocated with his angst and intensity. I have been here before many times. His new counsellor is good for him but not enough as yet. Early days. Not looking forward to Mother’s Day as we will be visiting his Elderly narrsassistic mother who is a direct Trigger. We have avoided her for 3 yrs but she is frail and 89 lives 6 hrs away. I know we are in for at least 10 days of dreadfulness after a half hour visit. Long way to go to be hurt and rejected. Then a longgggg drive home. I live in hope that it won’t be as bad as I feel. There’s hope but not much reality. I wish I wish. I can only wish. Hugs and sunshine.

In response to: My Husbands Intellect and decline into social media.

Re: My Husbands Intellect and decline into social media.

Oh dear @Carlachris
It would be good if there was some protective emotional armour you could don before visiting MIL.

In response to: My Husbands Intellect and decline into social media.

Re: My Husbands Intellect and decline into social media.

Hi @Carlachris
How are you,?

In response to: Re: My Husbands Intellect and decline into social media.

Re: My Husbands Intellect and decline into social media.

And so it begins. (Cry). The selfish spoilt brat behavior, the inability to buy and pay for a loaf of bread without being argumentative with the shop assistant. The constant political commentary at the TV to the point of I just can’t watch anything anymore. If I do he interrupts and is unpleasant to me. Why do I need to watch TV? Insecurity, over apologetic, over sensitivity. Hates everyone, ...The cycle has started again. I must start living my married life as if he isn’t there anymore because I am interrupting his online FB commenting which he thinks is writing. He hasn’t been on FB for months but as soon as the cracks appear he opens his account again and they feed off each other judging, criticizing and degrading anyone for not being a communist, socialist, left, right, who knows who cares? Blah, blah, blah, blah.......I get it I really do protesting injustice is important but getting involved with Auschwits Jewish rights and involved in American Trump crap isn’t a healthy place for the mind. We are not Jewish or American but his Acedemic mind wants to Argue and be destructive online. Think I will turn it off for a few days and tell him the NBN is to blame. I am trying all my usual things but am running out of physical strength and emotional. Doing all I do but have to now go through the MI till it relents again. I’m so tired. So very very tired. Thank you Darcy for checking in. I’m hoping and sending good thoughts to all. X

In response to: My Husbands Intellect and decline into social media.

Re: My Husbands Intellect and decline into social media.

Oh @Carlachris
Sending gentle thoughts your way ...
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