Depressed partner pushed me out of his life

Oh gosh, this must be so confusing for you!

Any updates on anything happened?

it must be hard knowing what to believe. But that gut instinct is telling you something, that’s why we have it, it senses things we can’t see ourselves! So I would believe your gut!

I got blocked from Instagram. That gives me my answer really. Why do that if you aren’t guilty of something after being asked about it. Just doesn’t feel right. So trusting my gut instinct until proven otherwise.

Oh my god that’s awful, what an arsehole!!!

You have literally given him everything and he’s done that.

he doesnt deserve you at all. I hope you are okay and keeping well

I feel used. It felt like he cut me off after he got his stuff from my house a month ago and only contacted me when he wanted something. That was the first thing I have done to him that would have hurt if it wasn’t true. I did everything to protect him and his mental health, even when I wasn’t sure about the story behind what I saw that day. He has done nothing but continually hurt and confuse me. I haven’t been doing well this week. I have some good friends that have been supporting me. A couple unfollowed him on Instagram in protest lol. He just isn’t the person I thought he was. He doesn’t communicate to me when there is a problem. Just pushes away. I feel like I have done something wrong.

My ex blocked me from Facebook now. I was kind of expecting it. Still hurt though. I asked him if I had done something wrong and if there’s something we can talk about. He said that it was just the advice he was taking from his doctor to distance himself from social media. Ok then, how about deleting your entire profile and not just me. Anyway, probably did me a favour but it still hurt.

Hello,

The way he is acting is just like he doesn’t want to face up to his issues/problems or things he’s done, so he has just blocked you from everything so he doesn’t have to speak with you. Very selfish and childish.

it is horrible how he has acted ! I know it doesnt sound like it but time away from him now will heal how you are feeling. Stick with close friends, doing things you enjoy!

i had a rubbish weekend. My ex hadnt spoke to me at all, so i message him to ask how he was doing. He messaged back acting completely fine! Which was soo strange, he was talking normally, in a happy frame of mind, asking about me and cracking jokes. But as the days went on his texts were still the same, however shorter and he took longer and longer to reply- like 10 hours for one message !! That did my head in. It feels like he is only messaging back for my sake, so he doesnt hurt me.

anyway i askes if he fancies meeting up, to so something stress-free etc. He agreed so this Thursday we are meeting and going swimming (we both love sport) and to the steam rooms to relax. I am going to decide whether i want to see him anymore as friends, or cut contact completely. As him just messaging back like 10 hours later each time is ridiculous and getting me down.

Wish me luck as I have no idea how this meeting will go!x

I think you are right, my ex is a runner. He never faces his problems which is why he still has so many. I’d rather talk about it before being reactive like that. Kind of leaves me hanging and punishing me. I don’t deserve this kind of behaviour at all. I think a clean break from him and his toxic behaviour will be good in the long run. I am really struggling at the moment. It’s just one thing after another and I am so mentally exhausted.

Sounds like you’ve got a good day out planned. Let us know how it goes. I can understand the frustration of having to wait for him to respond but meeting up with you is a great step.

I know exactly what that feels like, the same thing happened to me. My boyfriend's parents had a dirty divorce and that triggered his depression. He can't really commit to someone because of that and I never had a problem with it because I suffer from depression too but it got so much better thanks to him. He stepped out of his comfort zone for me several times and he really tried. We were comfortable and happy. He knew right from the beginning that I was going to spend a year abroad and he said he is fine with it and we live in the time of the internet so it wouldn't be a problem. I think he didn't plan on falling for me that hard because I was away for a week and he missed me like crazy and I believe that was the point he knew that me going away for a whole year would ki** him. So he began to distance himself when my date of departure approached. He began to look for a replacement because he had to show himself and other people that he is fine and that me being away is not bothering him at all. We were fighting a lot at that time because I was trying to spend more time with him and he was trying to avoid me. He then split up with me what caught me by surprise because we were planning a holiday together a few days before that. We both cried during our split up and he never cries. We both couldn't stay away from each other though so we decided to stay friends. I know that doesn't work out but the thought of me losing him completely made me feel so empty and lost. We saw each other every day and I even slept over a lot but being with him but not being able to be with him killed me so I wanted to talk to him about it. We then had a major fight and I lost control and said things I wish I didn't. He blocked me on every social media he had and we didn't talk to each other for a week. I couldn't take it anymore so I texted him (he didn't block my number), apologized and told him how much he means to me. He replied and said that I really hurt his feelings but we could meet and talk about it. When we met he said he accepted my apology right away and could never hate me even if he tried. We then talked about what I wanted to talk about in the first place and I said that the break-up doesn't make sense to me because we were planning our holiday a few days earlier. He agreed and said that he wanted to see what it would be like without me and said that he drank a lot (and the empty bottles were next to his bed) and that he missed me so much. He then said that he doesn't know what to do without me and that he is sad that we only have a month left. So we got back together. A few days later he distanced himself again and broke up with me over social media. I was devastated but looking back I understand him. He couldn't handle breaking up with me in person because as soon as we see each other our feelings take over and we can't stay away. He wanted to protect his feelings because he knew how much impact I have on them. He suffers every day from being dragged into the divorce of his parents and he didn't want to make it harder for himself to use the time we had left because every time we saw each other he knew I would be taken from him and he thought that breaking away from the relationship sooner will get him more time to cope with it and get over it. He unfortunately is not a person who deals with stuff like that. He buries and denies it. Why deal with things that hurt you when you can just tell yourself they don't? (Before I flew he unfollowed me on instagram and cut me out of his followers but didn't block me on anything.) So the day after my flight went he got himself a new girlfriend. He put it on his status on whatsapp and in his bio on instagram. He never did that with me but I wasn't upset about it because I knew him better than that (he always said that he doesn't like people doing that because they only want to brag about being in a relationship). He also hates being cornered. When we were together it was comfortable, we weren't only spouses, we were best friends too. So the relationship with his new girl lasted 2 weeks. We are in different countries now, miles away from each other but there hasn't been a day where I don't miss him.

I am telling you all of this because reading other people’s stories that are similar to mine always helps me because I don't feel that alone that way. I know we would have broken up anyway but not like that and not in a way that is beyond fixing it when I come back. I know you lived together and that your situation is more serious than mine but I tend to look at things simple and so I see two women who got pushed out of their love's life and who don't know how to deal with it or how to understand everything. I am sorry if it doesn't make you feel any better and I wasted your time.

You did nothing wrong. I know that you can't help yourself but to think about that possibility. You maybe don't have the chance to change a situation but you have the opportunity to look at it differently. If you feel better by deciding he is a worthless piece of sh** then go ahead and do so but if you feel better by believing that he felt lost and didn't know what to do and wanted to protect himself of getting hurt then so be it.

That unfortunately is everything I can recommend. I am not over him and I don't know if I will ever be so I can't really give you an advice because I would be a hypocrite if I did. I hope you do better very soon!

Thank you so much. The general consensus is that I did nothing wrong. I went to my psych today and he said the same thing. To have a professional say that has made me feel happy. I felt like I was crazy. That I shouldn’t have confronted him. But, like he said, do you want someone where you can’t be honest and ask questions?

Hello ladies,

I met up with my ex like I said i would. We went swimming and for lunch. It was fine, we chatted like normal friends- like we had never been apart. There were no awkward silences or that.

but we never chatted about us or the problem. I didn’t want to bring it up as i wanted to see if he would, but he didnt. But it went well overall. At the end he hugged me and asked to see my next week. I said yeah and to text me.

although he’s not messaged me yet, its been 3 days.

after it i felt so down and low because it was weird seeing him just act like friends towards me and nothing else, and he seemed absolutely fine about it. It didn’t look like he missed me at all, and his mood and wellbeing seemed brighter. He said he was doing better than before. I’ve got a feeling he said ‘see you next week’ just to make it easier for ME, so i dont feel sad if we didn’t plan something- i feel like he was just doing it for me.

Don’t really know what else to think to be honest. I still obviously miss him to bits, think about him all the time, and its been a month now since he broke it off.

i was feeling so low the other day, wanted to stay in bed all day. I messaged one of my friends and gave me a big speech and told me to get it together and not to let any boy control how i feel. It actually really really helped. Since then i have been going back to the gym (which i stopped) and eating healthy again! Fuck him, one minute planning a holiday with me and the next dropping me. Maybe he wasn’t ready for a relationship either (since men mature later than women).