Depressed partner pushed me out of his life

Yeah, I can’t stop thinking about mine too. A mutual friend showed me a photo of him at the beach with his son. He doesn’t see his son often but he looked so happy. I don’t think our friend meant to upset me but I had to have Tuesday off work cause I went backwards when I saw the photo and what I was missing out on. Sounds silly as I am so happy that he is spending time with his son.

Social media is the worse during a breakup. I feel relieved not having it now. I think deleting the apps is a good idea. I didn’t think of that. I felt like I was getting addicted to my phone.

I deleted all my social apps too. It’s helped me a lot, I think. But I still have random bursts of crying. He mentioned to me last time we spoke that he wasn’t happy with himself and had all these barriers up, and is working through those but honestly I did nothing but be there for him.

i just don’t understand how he can easily push me away with no contact. That in itself tells me he must be okay? I barely go a minute without thinking about him yet he can go a week plus with no communication. It just doesn’t add up to me.

He has very little people in his support system, with the exception of his mother who is actually the main source for his childhood trauma. Any time an issue arose with us he’d go talk to his mom ab it instead of talking to me.

He never ever let me in fully. I thought we were going to get engaged within a few months. I was so stupid. I think I forget, or maybe have buried all the selfish acts he did, and all the times I made excuses for him. I think he has the potential to get better but why push me out as if I’m a source for it? Maybe I was. Idk. Everyone tells me I have to stop blaming myself but I cannot help it. This just sucks, and he seems fine.

@SoSad I get why you’re happy seeing him happy. You definitely sound like you gave him a lot more of yourself and did whatever you could to make him feel happy. It definitely sucks though.

I also totally know what you mean about going backwards. One mention about him can set me off and I’m in a spiral. I need to work on that. I’m glad to hear I’m not alone.

@Confuse wow! I can’t believe how similar our stories are either. I know, looking back I too think he wasn’t 100% good to me all the time. I am in the same boat except my “good days” last only a few hours.

i also believe we will not get back together. If given the option, I don’t think he would. He’s not fighting for me, so clearly there’s my answer. How did your whole situation unfold? Was it just a sudden split? How does / did he seem to respond to the therapy/help? My ex didn’t seem to have much of a change, to be honest.

I know, i feel the same, mine isn’t fighting for me either. I also don’t understand.

yeah it was sudden. two days before he asked me to go on holiday with him for his birthday. It was one weekend we were meant to meet on sunday at midday and he just didnt text or call me at all, until about 2pm saying he’s too tired as he is hungover. I got annoyed as he could have messaged me in the morning to cancel so I wasn’t waiting around on him all day. He didn’t apologise and just asked me how I am. I didn’t speak much as I was annoyed so replied a good few hours later saying we need to meet to chat! He said okay. We met up two days later and he just said to me he can’t handle being in a relationship right now, he can’t give me what i want or need. He talked about all the things going on in his life and said it’s too stressful and he has no time to himself or for anything. He was crying as well as me. And after basically begging for him not to end it I left. I called him a lot but he ignored it. I messaged him a few days later asking to meet as I was confused etc. So he aggreed.

we met again and he was emotionless. He basically reiterated what he said, and how his mental health is low. I agreed and said it is low. He said he can’t be in a relationship right now and there is ‘no negotiation’. He said to me that i can contact him every couple of weeks to see how he is, and possibly to meet. That seems like he wants me to chase him.

it was so sudden. We planned to save money each much for an apartment next year- that was HIS idea. To me our relationship was good- i still got butterflys everytime I seen him, we were mostly always laughing and joking, always done exciting things together, very close when we were together. He told me he loves me- but I dont think he does.

This week he said he would talk to me but he hasn’t . I think that just proves something. It’s still hard to get my head around.

he had previously gone to the GP about his anxiety and anger problems- he said it went really well- told me what happened. But even with me prompting him, he never went back. He did calm down a little after the GP appointment, I could see he was trying to control his anxiety- which I suppose was a good thing.

anyway that’s how it happened

I am going to be sending my email over the next couple of weeks. It isn’t a nasty email but he may not like some of the things in it. I asked him about what I saw on his phone. I know they say not to write letters to ex’s but this situation isn’t normal and I protected his feelings and I got sick myself because of it. I am not expecting a respond but me putting it out there should help part of my healing process.

It would be nice if these guys came back but they need to understand that running away only makes things worse. We should be part of their support network.

The email will definitely help with your recovery. It seems like you still have a lot of things you need answered. Let us know once you’ve sent it

I think it will help me move on. At the moment I have so many thoughts going through my head that it is becoming unhealthy.

I am doing no contact at the moment and halfway through, then I will send the email.

He has hurt me a bit and I took it from him. That is also my fault as I didn’t set boundaries. I ask him one question and he removes me from his life without any explanation, even though I asked if there was something he would like to talk to me about. He has major issues and he runs from things instead of trying to work through stuff. He is passive aggressive. And I am also thinking he could be a covert narcissist.

Today my ex changed his relationship status to single. I spied using another Facebook account. I felt like a huge relief was lifted off my shoulders. Maybe perhaps there wasn’t someone else involved. As sad as it is, it was anxiety and depression. I really hope he gets the help he needs.

@SoSad It’s funny you say that. My ex definitely has covert narcissistic tendencies as wel the more I read up on it. His childhood trauma definitely contributed and his mother is a narcissist.

I think the one of thehardest parts for my situation, and it sounds like both of yours too, is the lack of caring after the break up. My ex cried and said he loved me over and over, and “deeply cared”, but needs to work on himself, yet not one word from him.

how is it that easy for them? I think my ex can easily dissociate and compartmentalize. It’s scary. He doesn’t care ab me at all it seems, if he did, he would reach out. It was three years for goodness sakes!

I too feel like I didn’t set boundaries. I’d make excuses when he didn’t want to

come to important events, or sleep the day/night away, or just loaf on the couch. I’d be too scared to push and now I’m mad at myself but I didn’t even realize I was doing it. I was SO overly concerned for him and his feelings and he could have cared less about mine.

he was supposed to reach out this week to talk but shocker, he hasn’t.

I am trying to enter the acceptance stage that we will never be, bc honestly, I shouldn’t be with someone who can treat me that recklessly...but easier said than done.

i read a lot ab covert narcissism and how they push people away but blame the other. I think my ex in his head does blame me.