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Is Dementia Mental Illness? It's a disease of the mind so i'm hoping i still belong here. If not for that - today at the DR he was asked if he gets depression - dad answered "yes I do get depressed" It's hard to read with dad's early vascular dementia.
Around Christmas i moved in with my parents as mum was unable to manage hersef let alone continue as dad's carer. She was end stage cancer and died in hospital palliative care only 19 days after i arrived 😞 I was shocked how sick she became in the 2months since my last three week trip.. My goodness - what a fighter she was. My two younger brothers were dropping in a couple of times a day & helped with transport, bills & shopping - but could not stay in the house.longer than 30min - becoming restless... (probably the MI-Sz / drug related) and they were wearing thin. getting angry.. Mum was so difficult / hurtful during my last stay to help, i was reluctant to come again unless she asked me to. It was hard for her but necessary. The first attempt to drive the 1200km i ran off the road & badly crashed my car - a 'Write Off' Sore bones & shellshot - I had to rest a few days before flew down.
I hit the floor running - household duties, neals & loads of patient reassurance for mum. Even giving her a bell. Wasnt easy looking them both, clearly dad had been neglected for sone time.
I was still in the bad books for reporting him as a medically 'unfit' driver during my last stay. They fought it and gad x2 doctors confer ( why not done before is beyond me).
So here i am, feeling alone with 'toxic family' threatened by my presence, the loss of my mum, a dad in grief, with early vascular dementia, diabetes, heart disease, spinal injury - poor mobility, bad incontinence. Its full on some days. Not just the cleaning up but all the medical appointments. Especially since mum had understandablly got behind on things like optometrist, pidiatrist... even the GP...
Just looking for support as feeling somewhat shattered after only x5 weeks. Big day today.
Far out! My hearts still pounding from Bro4 bashing on wall 0630 waking me up saying “just seeing if you’re alive” and he left. No doubt cranky i haven’t answered his tx msgs begging for money again. I’m sick of that. Haven’t told anyone irl about SI do not that. And I hate that excuse for hurting people - that pretence that they care or are helping. I already gave him all my coins this week and paid him $20 to do lawn ($20min) a few days ago. Already given him $1500 since the sale of my house. I don’t believe he’s woke me early because he cares - he’s angry that I’m not giving him more money or answering his msgs. If you knew the delusional rubbishy in the msgs etc You’d blockbit too. Woke up to them yesterday morning - it throws me of balance. I wanna help but don’t wanna be used and hate seeing him distressed. And he’s the only family member who stays in touch with me, and it hurts. There’s ways to show we care, and what’s happening here is not that. Though there’s something there. Confusing.
Beta go visit dad today,,. set up this hdmi DVD player I bought him. Found a collection of MASH series at the OP shop the other day. He loves MASH, being a Korean War vet & all. Haven’t been in for 3 days since he actually thought I was someone else, saying “you’ve only come once since I been here” clearly mixing me up with someone else, probably my estranged sister who did come once for Father’s Day. Dad is very aware of his surroundings, and jokes s lot too so it’s complicated trying to work out what he means.
snyway, better get up
In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad
Unknown userMember
Re: Depression Dementia Dad
Dont wanna get up 🙂
In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad
Unknown userMember
Re: Depression Dementia Dad
In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad
Unknown userMember
Re: Depression Dementia Dad
Oh my goodness. Got a compliment from one of the nurses today. She acknowledged how much work dad is and how I’ve done such a good job at looking after him this year (and mum before that). After she walked out I burst into tears. All I’ve had is criticism from siblings (accept bro4), so finally, someone who knows - she acknowledged that there are many of them there and I was just one, doing everything... wow, this is amazing. Feels so good to be acknowledged.
Took dad out to his regular cafe, got his glasses fixed and got him to choose some fruit & nuts. He enjoyed that, and the coffee custard tart (his fav). Here I was laying in bed thinking it’s all over I can’t do it anymore, but when it comes to helping people / dad, Wonder Woman comes out of nowhere & I pull it off with proficiency, Push through the back pain when normally I can’t and, well, ya do it ‘cause ya have to.
Also took the Hdmi cable & DVD player up to dad today (found the DVD player at salvo for $10), and. Put MASH on for him. Today someone had shaved off dad’s mow too 😞 The beard the other day and now the mow. Had words with them (he’s been there 3/12 - how could they not know that a beard is his thing grr! Took me several times to get the hairdresser to book him in monthly for neck up everything, and she was doing it so I’m cranky. They said they’ll label his charts better for him to have his Captain’s Beard look.. Yeh, believe it when I see it. Anyway, he seemed ok, more and more stiff each time I see him, hard to manage.
But liked his drive, seemed to remember some things / places... Less the backseat driver than usual today (withdrawn) but still cracked a couple of jokes.
Told one of the nurses he’s “going out of here next week” Interesting he doesn’t say ‘home’ anymore, nor did he ask to turn twd home when we passed his street to home.
Dementia is cruel but sometimes I think he’s better off not knowing what’s going on.
Why am I telling you all this? Lonely I guess... Sorry
In response to: Depression Dementia Dad
outlanderSenior Contributor
Re: Depression Dementia Dad
@Former-Member
how are you going?
In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad
Unknown userMember
Re: Depression Dementia Dad
Hi @outlander, got a bit done today and that always leaves a sense of control & hope. Apart from upset tummy and back pain atm I’m kinda ok ta. You’ve been quiet, hows things? How’s your hand, your living circumstances,?your car?
In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad
outlanderSenior Contributor
Re: Depression Dementia Dad
that is good to hear @Former-Member tummy and back pain arent fun, ive got to deal with those too. you gotta take care of those though. mm ive been abit quiet, things have been really hard, they still are but tonights abit better so am online abit more tonight. my hands going good, i cant lift heavy things and i still need to be careful with it. still gets abit sore and stiff ive ive used it abit but otherwise going ok. my car is going to cost me $1300 to fix which i cant do until i can get my loan after xmas so i have to limit the driving for now. ill also be having an upcoming surgury so next friday ive got a consult with the surgeon
In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad
Unknown userMember
Re: Depression Dementia Dad
Wo, few things happening for you there @outlander. Cars are very expensive to maintain, “a liability” my late uncle use to say. If ya can do without one - ya better off. Sleep well tonight O 🌸💕
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