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Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember31 Jan 2018, 10:01 pm AEDT

Depression Dementia Dad

Is Dementia Mental Illness? It's a disease of the mind so i'm hoping i still belong here. If not for that - today at the DR he was asked if he gets depression - dad answered "yes I do get depressed" It's hard to read with dad's early vascular dementia.

Around Christmas i moved in with my parents as mum was unable to manage hersef let alone continue as dad's carer. She was end stage cancer and died in hospital palliative care only 19 days after i arrived 😞 I was shocked how sick she became in the 2months since my last three week trip.. My goodness - what a fighter she was. My two younger brothers were dropping in a couple of times a day & helped with transport, bills & shopping - but could not stay in the house.longer than 30min - becoming restless... (probably the MI-Sz / drug related) and they were wearing thin. getting angry.. Mum was so difficult / hurtful during my last stay to help, i was reluctant to come again unless she asked me to. It was hard for her but necessary. The first attempt to drive the 1200km i ran off the road & badly crashed my car - a 'Write Off' Sore bones & shellshot - I had to rest a few days before flew down.

I hit the floor running - household duties, neals & loads of patient reassurance for mum. Even giving her a bell. Wasnt easy looking them both, clearly dad had been neglected for sone time.

I was still in the bad books for reporting him as a medically 'unfit' driver during my last stay. They fought it and gad x2 doctors confer ( why not done before is beyond me).

So here i am, feeling alone with 'toxic family' threatened by my presence, the loss of my mum, a dad in grief, with early vascular dementia, diabetes, heart disease, spinal injury - poor mobility, bad incontinence. Its full on some days. Not just the cleaning up but all the medical appointments. Especially since mum had understandablly got behind on things like optometrist, pidiatrist... even the GP...

Just looking for support as feeling somewhat shattered after only x5 weeks. Big day today.

lapses

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In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember06 Sept 2018, 2:15 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

I don't wanna talk to any of them.
I'm falling into a major depressive episode and need to look after me now, before I lose touch with reality.
I have no patience for beurocrats or giving another single soul the power to bully me.
I made sure dad is safe and protected from my siblings. They have a duty of care not yo send him home with drug addicts.
Bro3 is telling people I STOLE dad's car now 😕 it will never end with them.
I'll go down when finished this place. Mail the car keys to Public Trust or something. Its all do unnecessary.

Why can't someone at the tribunal talk to me afterwards as to what happens now, for me with all the caring for dad?

I think family know who I am here and use the info instead of conversing with me. My son knows things have only put here. How does he know I need somewhere to live today? As far as they know I'm taking dad home next week to continue to be 'live in carer'.

After the public denigrating at the tribunal, I just don't know if I can bare another two outside bodies pushing me around, I've done it all with integrity so far. Nobody can prove otherwise. I think maybe they could see I can't take anymore, maybe that's why they took guardianship away from me. Who knows. At least the evil sibs will have nobody close to target anymore.
Don't know how I'm gonna tell dad.

I'm so not well atm

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember06 Sept 2018, 2:32 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Hello, nobody talks here anymore, not to me. Like my sister. Do I deserve it? Maybe I do. Betta get moving.

In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

outlanderSenior Contributor06 Sept 2018, 2:46 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Hi @Former-Member im just out atm but sending my love for now ❤

@Determined @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Adge @Smc @Shaz51 @Former-Member @Owlunar may be around....

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember06 Sept 2018, 2:50 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

@Former-Member

It really stings when you have been looking after Dad so well and I can understand your reluctance to want to speak to anyone.

I don't know why the transition process was not explained to you.

There is phone support for carers through the carer gateway -they may be familiar with what happens next their number is 1800 422 737.

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

JupiterSenior Contributor06 Sept 2018, 3:42 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Sounds like things are really tough at the moment @Former-Member. I've just sent you a check-in email.

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Shaz51Senior Contributor06 Sept 2018, 3:55 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

sitting with you @Former-Member and listening

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

SmcSenior Contributor06 Sept 2018, 4:34 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Thanks for tagging me in @outlander.

@Former-Member, we didn't have your issues working out Power of Attorney/Guardianship for our parents, but I have been in a court case as a witness, with the person who stood to lose from my statement trying to find ways to discredit me. That was hard, and I'm imagining it was similar but much multiplied for you. 😞

Aged Care can be the right option, but the big question is "when". As long as it's a good home, it means there are other people looking out for the welfare of the residents, and the staff pretty quickly get the hang of which relatives mean well, and which ones don't.

One important point- how long have you been live in carer for your Dad? If it has been two years or more, you may have a legal right to continue to live there. Certainly you're entitled to retrieve your belongings, but it's not a good time for you to have to be juggling that as well. Please look after yourself, and yes, we're here for you.

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember06 Sept 2018, 9:20 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

@Former-Member

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

DeterminedSenior Contributor06 Sept 2018, 10:10 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Hello @Former-Member

Sorry I have only seen your posts now .

I can't find the right words to say right now but wanted to you to know you have been heard and you do matter.

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor06 Sept 2018, 10:40 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Hi @Former-Member

I hope as a part of the transition process the public officers will quickly see how much organisation and care you have put into your situation with your Dad, and how much personal sacrifice you have made considering your own circumstances.

This decision may actually raise a shield of protection for you against the wiles of your brothers and sister. If they have to deal independently with these people, it won't take too long for everyone's character to start to show.

They will have seen all sorts of families before, and will work out just what a support you have been to your Dad. I am guessing they will want you around. It is not good for your Dad to be upset, and he will be upset if it looked like he was losing your company and care.

Deep breaths Hon ..... hold tight to your faith and your courage, and see what happens next. Meantime, you have your work there to keep moving forward with. You are doing an amazing job ..... keep going, and rest awhile when you run out of energy.

Listening along with you, sitting with you.

Hugs n hugs ..... wish I could come and just be with you .....

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