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Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember31 Jan 2018, 10:01 pm AEDT

Depression Dementia Dad

Is Dementia Mental Illness? It's a disease of the mind so i'm hoping i still belong here. If not for that - today at the DR he was asked if he gets depression - dad answered "yes I do get depressed" It's hard to read with dad's early vascular dementia.

Around Christmas i moved in with my parents as mum was unable to manage hersef let alone continue as dad's carer. She was end stage cancer and died in hospital palliative care only 19 days after i arrived 😞 I was shocked how sick she became in the 2months since my last three week trip.. My goodness - what a fighter she was. My two younger brothers were dropping in a couple of times a day & helped with transport, bills & shopping - but could not stay in the house.longer than 30min - becoming restless... (probably the MI-Sz / drug related) and they were wearing thin. getting angry.. Mum was so difficult / hurtful during my last stay to help, i was reluctant to come again unless she asked me to. It was hard for her but necessary. The first attempt to drive the 1200km i ran off the road & badly crashed my car - a 'Write Off' Sore bones & shellshot - I had to rest a few days before flew down.

I hit the floor running - household duties, neals & loads of patient reassurance for mum. Even giving her a bell. Wasnt easy looking them both, clearly dad had been neglected for sone time.

I was still in the bad books for reporting him as a medically 'unfit' driver during my last stay. They fought it and gad x2 doctors confer ( why not done before is beyond me).

So here i am, feeling alone with 'toxic family' threatened by my presence, the loss of my mum, a dad in grief, with early vascular dementia, diabetes, heart disease, spinal injury - poor mobility, bad incontinence. Its full on some days. Not just the cleaning up but all the medical appointments. Especially since mum had understandablly got behind on things like optometrist, pidiatrist... even the GP...

Just looking for support as feeling somewhat shattered after only x5 weeks. Big day today.

lapses

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In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember04 Sept 2018, 8:25 am AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dading

Perhaps your GP could write a letter, not only in relation to your recovery but also how much better Dad is being looked after @Former-Member

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dading

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor04 Sept 2018, 11:17 am AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dading

And a letter from your Dad’s gp @Former-Member ..... ❤️🌹

@Former-Member

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dading

Unknown userMember04 Sept 2018, 8:02 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Hi @Former-Member

Was thinking of you today with teleconference.

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember05 Sept 2018, 12:06 am AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Thanks for your posts, for thinking of me. What an awful day. The Tribunal waswas a grueling 2hrs this morning. My sis and bro2 really made me look bad, but I think the panel could see through most of it. Some of the stupid comments made by bro2 in particular clearly showed his ignerance about the matters. Still confusing 'guardianship'. With 'carer' - and not knowing who public trustee is... I wanted to be legal guardian but give financial control to Public Trustee (because of accusations I'm there for dad's estate). Bro2 & sis objected to Public Trustee & want financial control themselves. Anyway, poor dad, the 'upshot' of the hearing was that dad is now totally under the care of Public Guardian and Public Trustee. I don't know how I deep about it. Maybe a mix of 'relief' but also 'aprehension' as I don't even know if I'm allowed to take dad home from this respite stay next week, or where he or i will be living next month. Or if I the public guardian & trustee ore gonna stuff me around as well as the siblings now, as dad's carer, havingvto jump through more hoops
Already I have received an email requesting all documentation. That's not possible from Qld as its all down south and I don't have 'digital' copies. . . I just really wanna put that aside and focus on this house evac. Thinking of just ignoring them 'till I'm back next week. I wanna see dad anyway. Rang dad this afternoon to see if hevwas OK after the tribunal. He had no memory of me attending by 'teleconference' and He was cross with me that I missed the plane & 'renigged' visiting as promised, and thinks I renigged on the hearing... But the conversation went well really, he has the best sense of humour.

This ruling isnt gonna stop the ongoing harassment by my brothers...

I think I will need to stop being dad's carer 😞

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember05 Sept 2018, 6:33 am AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

At the tribunal dad clearly said he doesn't want Bro2 around. I think this comes from how much bro2 use to upset mum, but bro2 blamed me for that, saidsaid dad had "Stockholm Syndrome" (as if I held dad captive). Not only that - putting dad into Respite while I empty my house - Lloyd sees that as renigging my responsibilities...
In not so many words - Sis admitted to manipulating mum to put in her will that sis was to bebe dad's guardianguardian - but apparently mum got the word 'carer' mixed up with 'guardian'" sis said. In the meantime, all this time Bro2 & Bro3 have been harassing me for being there as dads CARER, 'against mum's wishes' because of this written error in mums WILL, written on her deathbed. She, my sis, in essence, has admitted to manipulating mum those last distressing days of her life - Not that mum's WILL is even relevant anymore. Accept to be abused by bro2 & 3 to have me gone.

How is one suppose to not wanna leave the planet when nearly everyone in their life couldn't care less if i was here or not. And there's nobody helping me...

This is really hard for me atm, with Public Guardian & Public Trustee taking over all the things I was doing for dad (except chief cook / bottle washer woman / slave...), DAD DOESN'T NEED ME ANYMORE. & GOD KNOWS I DON'T NEED ALL THE ABUSE A DAY LONGER.

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

WennaSenior Contributor05 Sept 2018, 6:49 am AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Hi Lapses,

Its Wenna one of the overnight moderators. I am going to send you an email and touch base with you.

Wenna

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember05 Sept 2018, 7:24 am AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

I'll be OK, just need time to think

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember06 Sept 2018, 12:30 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

So much happening. After the horrible things said, the lies... and the environment at my dads househouse, I honestly don't know how I can ever live there again. Dad thinks I'm mum half the time and my siblings hate me as much as they hate themselves (accept bro4, who tries). Here I am in Qld as if I've been doing nothing all this time. It was hard but I did it. Cared for dad well. At least at the tribunal I found out that mum made an error in her WILL (which Carole was manipulating) when she put someone else as 'carer' for dad. Carole admitted to asking mum to "write 'Guardian' - but mum got it mixed up"

All this time my bro 2 & 3 yelled at me repeatedly that I'm there "against mum's wishes" every time I did something they didn't like.

Its been so horrible.

Whole I do all the hard yards

And dad doesn't even know who I am half the time

Do you think itsctime I leave dad in care and walk away? I've had palpitations and tears since the tribunal.

I don't believe I deserve what my sis & two bros have done...

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember06 Sept 2018, 12:41 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

I thinks its good an outside body has been appointed to navigate the family conflict. I did ask them to be Public Trustee, but Public Guardian shocked me. I at least wanted to continue helping dad with all his medical stuff, and what nursing home he how's into... I was enjoying that, and good at it.

I don't know where I'm gonna live now, or how I can go back even to get my stuff.

Palpitations and headache here, really battling.

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember06 Sept 2018, 12:49 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

@Former-Member

Public trustee and Guardian will work with you during transition phase. Can you give them a call explaining situation and make appropriate arrangements for what will happen.

What eventuated in relation to the unit?

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