Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember31 Jan 2018, 10:01 pm AEDT

Depression Dementia Dad

Is Dementia Mental Illness? It's a disease of the mind so i'm hoping i still belong here. If not for that - today at the DR he was asked if he gets depression - dad answered "yes I do get depressed" It's hard to read with dad's early vascular dementia.

Around Christmas i moved in with my parents as mum was unable to manage hersef let alone continue as dad's carer. She was end stage cancer and died in hospital palliative care only 19 days after i arrived 😞 I was shocked how sick she became in the 2months since my last three week trip.. My goodness - what a fighter she was. My two younger brothers were dropping in a couple of times a day & helped with transport, bills & shopping - but could not stay in the house.longer than 30min - becoming restless... (probably the MI-Sz / drug related) and they were wearing thin. getting angry.. Mum was so difficult / hurtful during my last stay to help, i was reluctant to come again unless she asked me to. It was hard for her but necessary. The first attempt to drive the 1200km i ran off the road & badly crashed my car - a 'Write Off' Sore bones & shellshot - I had to rest a few days before flew down.

I hit the floor running - household duties, neals & loads of patient reassurance for mum. Even giving her a bell. Wasnt easy looking them both, clearly dad had been neglected for sone time.

I was still in the bad books for reporting him as a medically 'unfit' driver during my last stay. They fought it and gad x2 doctors confer ( why not done before is beyond me).

So here i am, feeling alone with 'toxic family' threatened by my presence, the loss of my mum, a dad in grief, with early vascular dementia, diabetes, heart disease, spinal injury - poor mobility, bad incontinence. Its full on some days. Not just the cleaning up but all the medical appointments. Especially since mum had understandablly got behind on things like optometrist, pidiatrist... even the GP...

Just looking for support as feeling somewhat shattered after only x5 weeks. Big day today.

lapses

850 replies

271 - 280 of 850

1...27 28 29...85

In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Bella1978Senior Contributor10 May 2018, 10:39 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

@Former-Member

hey luv, just wanted to check in and see how you have been xxx

In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember11 May 2018, 5:41 am AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Hi @Bella1978, whatchya doin over here? ☺. I'm ok, at 0430 the dogs woke me to go out & i can't nod off again . Cold & windy out.

Actially shed a few tears for my mum for the first time since the funeral. Strange how many families scatter rather than come together at these times. I feel alone. You know - i pulled together a grief info package & copies of counselling services offered by mums palliative care team, and anonymously mailed it to each of my siblings & mums. Not one of them has memtioned it or asked if i got one too. Guess we all feel alone in this family of trauma childhood. Stiff upper lip. Hope it helps them a little anyway. Guess i feel more experienced with grief. I've always had to play 'grownup' with them. Its draining.

Bro4 os the only one who drops in regular, but he ihas restless manner (MI / drugs) Rarely stops long enough for a cuppa. Last time i asked him to drop in more since hez close- he said, and i still cant believe he said it, "if you want me to come round cook up a meal for me & i'll come" Then he went on - "tonight, cook something tonight" ... I didnt comment. Then 2hrs later he rings up to tell me not to worry about dinner - he's going over a mayes place... " Didn't have the heart to tell him how pleased i was, grr. I've invited him & bro3 a few times for tea Poor mum, seems they are 'takers' - only want to bother when there's something in it for them...

This week cuz-T is ignoring my emails since i asked him to plz respect my faith amd never again denegrate my God like he dos last week. . Its not a big ask but his silemce tells me he can"t and i'm learning to respect myself enough to not be around people who deliberately insult my soul, and those i love.

I reached out to my cousins to compemsate for the way my siblings treat me but surprise surptise, they are not much different, just more twofaced anout it. Also - i usually have to initiate .& i'm tired. I feel abused though theyre not evem in the room. Its emotional i guess, still hurts.

Dad's battling on, has a weird rash atm - maybe from old winter clothes i dug out of his cupboard & didnt wash first.

Ooo, theres the garbage truck, its 6:30 & still dark

Big day today, dad's specialist & my psychologist apt.

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember12 May 2018, 5:25 am AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Saw my psychologist, she's glad i was assertive with cuz-T about my faith. ( I need to hear that its ok still). She also encouraged me to put energy into friendships above my family. Showed her one of Bro2 tx msgs & i think she's starting to 'get it' As with dad's Gerentologist, She supports me going for guardianship & poa of dad. I told her i don't feel confident on my own (what if i have another breakdown... ) but she believes in me & said to build up that confidence (hope shes not just patronising). She agrees the siblings would be imposdible to work with, reminded me i love my dad & respect his wishes... and says to apply online & "show them [the siblings] how its done" I like that. The Holy Spirit also reminds me to 'toughen up' & "be strong for i am with you" (Josh 1:9).

Had a lovely talk with friend EM back home last night. She is carer for her 98yr stubborn mum. Kinda feel the added connection now i too am live in 'carer' for a parent. EM & I worked together nursing a while back.

Managed to work out how to turn on my parents gas heater (scares me) & didn't have to ask the sibs for help (like pulling teeth). Its got cold, finally, so I'm glad.

Dad had eye specialist today, amazing setup there in the eye clinic. Dr was amazed how good his eyes are given the 40yr history of diabetes. Theres some small bleeds but not enough to act on he said.

Busy day. Should i be checking in here for support like this here? I donno 😏

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Shaz51Senior Contributor12 May 2018, 3:58 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

hello @Former-Member, been thinking of you lots today my friend , sending you hugs

My aunty had dementia

In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Bella1978Senior Contributor13 May 2018, 1:51 am AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Shaz51Senior Contributor13 May 2018, 3:40 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

how is today going my friend @Former-Member

In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember13 May 2018, 7:05 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Oh hi Shaz, thanks for asking, i keep finding myself in bed. Get up check dad do the basics back to bed. Not doing much. Son rang. Bro4 brang mum roses to put by her ashes. Lovely❤ I lit her candle too. All sad but my son rang. ❤

In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember16 May 2018, 11:43 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Hey @Former-Member, found the rat today 😨😱😲 well, his carcus that is 😞 An ugly sight. Got into dads wardrobe and found him curled uo in a towel behind the tall wood chest of drawers shoved in the inbuilt (any wonder i couldnt find him). Oh it was horrible. Tried to engage dad in the moment but his brain 😞 But glad its gone. Now to wash every item that was in there. I thi k i was right about the fly sworm in that room. All disgusting. Dad thinks he might have got in through tje floorboards but hope not cause there mifht be more. I think it was the one & the talon bate worked. Yikes, still makes my blood run cold.

I've lived here almost 5months now, its hard but Lso fulfilling. Mothers Day surfaced a lot o fstress & dad's birthday the week before (trying to get the sibs off their ass and do something) was painful - 1/2 of us bothered. The other three really disappoint me - to say the least... Don't handle their rejection well but finally learning to live without them. It gets lonely.

On the whole things have settled down (thank you God). I'm tired, and bones hurt a lot, but guess i sit well with the caring role (my life calling) which helps.

Dont believe i have long left to live & expect this is my last job on earth before returning to heaven. Knowing this has been changing my perspective on many things (like accepting the offer on my home thats 30k / 15% below my asking price). Its ok.

Dad is ok. Has his new diabetic leather boots fitted & supplied by dva. He says theyre the best quality shoe he's ever had (isnt that sad, sad but good). Took him out for coffee today, he loves the distraction & i got some supplies.

DVA sent a letter of request to 'the executor of mum's estate' (my sis who wont talk to me again), the letter says they want back mums last pension that was deposited into her account 2 days adter she died 😞 I dont know what was in mums account, secretive sis kept all that to herself so - i just fwd it to her to do her job. She was suposw to cancel mums mobile phone plan (according to bro3) but that bill keeps coming every month too. Guess i need to step in myself there. Theres a bereavement application i see online. Oh, so much fiddly stuff to do.

Anyway, probably all boring.

Hey, have to tell ya, dad got himself up the other morning whiile i was preparing breakfast and actually sang this little song as he came out to the loungeroom:

"good morning,
good morning
its great to
rise this late
Good morning,
good morning
to you"☺

made me smile

then the dogs were all over him as he sat down & he pat & talked with them a bit.

How sweet is that 🙂

bye ❤

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember17 May 2018, 11:00 am AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

@Former-Member

Finding the rodent - yay having to deal with it - urrggghhh

Hearing you about the shoes, yes it is sad to think that Dad has not had comfortable shoes.

Love hearing about these things - they are not boring at all - they add to the colour and texture of the fabric of life.

Gather you will need to head back to pack up your house - are you able to get Dad into some respite or will you take him with you when the time comes?

Keeping you in thoughts and prayers.

Darcy

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Bella1978Senior Contributor18 May 2018, 12:25 am AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

@Former-Member

just read your last post on here. i admire you luv, and you come across such a strong person, and someone who loves her dad very much.

i resonated with what you said about it being hard but fulfilling. i care for my 73 year old mum, and yes there are times when it is very hard but i really value the time i get to spend with her. she is currently in a mental health facility for older people as her mental health was declining, one doc even said it could be onset of dementia but they are not sure. she had a uti so it could also be delirium from the uti or her mental health could be declining ... so many symptoms overlap so they have to rule one thing out at a time.

i feel for you as it sounds your family make things harder for you. i have an older sister who doesnt play any part in caring for mum. it makes it harder for me in the sense that i dont have her support but because i handle everything, she cant make things harder for me in the sense of handling certain things and then i need to go and deal with them. i hope that makes sense!?!

i love that little song your dad sang to you. that would have put a big smile on your face!

271 - 280 of 850

1...27 28 29...85