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Is Dementia Mental Illness? It's a disease of the mind so i'm hoping i still belong here. If not for that - today at the DR he was asked if he gets depression - dad answered "yes I do get depressed" It's hard to read with dad's early vascular dementia.
Around Christmas i moved in with my parents as mum was unable to manage hersef let alone continue as dad's carer. She was end stage cancer and died in hospital palliative care only 19 days after i arrived 😞 I was shocked how sick she became in the 2months since my last three week trip.. My goodness - what a fighter she was. My two younger brothers were dropping in a couple of times a day & helped with transport, bills & shopping - but could not stay in the house.longer than 30min - becoming restless... (probably the MI-Sz / drug related) and they were wearing thin. getting angry.. Mum was so difficult / hurtful during my last stay to help, i was reluctant to come again unless she asked me to. It was hard for her but necessary. The first attempt to drive the 1200km i ran off the road & badly crashed my car - a 'Write Off' Sore bones & shellshot - I had to rest a few days before flew down.
I hit the floor running - household duties, neals & loads of patient reassurance for mum. Even giving her a bell. Wasnt easy looking them both, clearly dad had been neglected for sone time.
I was still in the bad books for reporting him as a medically 'unfit' driver during my last stay. They fought it and gad x2 doctors confer ( why not done before is beyond me).
So here i am, feeling alone with 'toxic family' threatened by my presence, the loss of my mum, a dad in grief, with early vascular dementia, diabetes, heart disease, spinal injury - poor mobility, bad incontinence. Its full on some days. Not just the cleaning up but all the medical appointments. Especially since mum had understandablly got behind on things like optometrist, pidiatrist... even the GP...
Just looking for support as feeling somewhat shattered after only x5 weeks. Big day today.
I can only imagine the fears you must have and the isolation you are feeling.
A brother in law rang my husband, his twin and asked about power of attorney for his father. We live a long way off and my husband said it was not practical for him, I doubt any of the family will help him due to either distance or wrongs that FIL has committed. I feel for BIL who clearly needs help and support which Mr D is at present is unable to give.
I understand what you are saying and asking and I hope you are not cross with me, but I felt that someone with professional experience might be much better equipped to help you with the things you are experiencing. I will continue to pray for you.
Darcy
In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad
NikNikSenior Contributor
Re: Depression Dementia Dad
Hey @Former-Member
I'm just going to drop you an email. I'm a bit concerned about how you're travelling.
Take care of yourself.
Nik
In response to: Depression Dementia Dad
Unknown userMember
Re: Depression Dementia Dad
NikNik did u trash my post?
In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad
Shaz51Senior Contributor
Re: Depression Dementia Dad
hello @Former-Member xx
In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad
Unknown userMember
Re: Depression Dementia Dad
Hi @Former-Member, it looks like Nik Nik sent you an email to check in with you a little earlier.
In response to: Depression Dementia Dad
Unknown userMember
Re: Depression Dementia Dad
Didn't thinkhi breechedaguidelines, or maybe iedidn't post it, hmm. Hmm, i'll edit & repost. NN I'll come back & answer your 'email' later.
Today i was sitting in the mottled sun on the veranda, normally he only does it for 20-30min but yesterday he stayed out there for 3hrs. Had morning tea there at 1030 then i took out lunch @1pm. In between i was doing my journellling & DEATH thoughts crepe in "what if he's died out there?" (he is an unwell 84yo) How streasful that would be & what would i do? - walk away & have a coffee? - jump on his chest like i did my girl to bring them back? (couldn't handle that again) - call the undertaker ? - the police? - the ambulance? - lifeline lol Nobody talks about this stuff yet old pol die at home all the time. But then after they cart him away, like my girl... do i follow? - will the police intwrrigate me like they did my girl? - do i call for help for me? But who? My family, all of them just make everything harder. Maybe I should just go through the motions & tell them all once the funeral is organised. All that bitchy stress with mum's funeral January - it was just horrible. Craaaaaaazy stuff! - after I've organised the funeral - maybe i can go then, i don't wanna see them anymore, let them hurt me again. And if i just get in dad's car alone and drive 1200km to an empty house... not good. Or maybe i can grab a cheap cruise or bus tour and travel / disappear with the money mum left me. Let the vultures do whatever it is they had planned without me (after they shoved dad in a nursing home)... You know, all their carryon to be dads guardian,,, they couldn't even visit on his birthday last Friday orothe weekend. Didn't come to the RSL with us that night or the next day when i met bro-1 only 10min from sister for lunch. Pathetic bunch!
Dad's gerentologist has advised me to apply to be his legal guardian / poa... but i am lacking confidence. Even though i'm doing everything anyway... I donno. Courts frustrate me & i know the sibs will make my life hell again (all children are to be listed as 'interested parties' - what if i dont cope? - does someone with depression... should we do it alone. I want / would prefer joint guardiaship with someone. Someone reasonable that doesnt have an angxt against me. - Bro-1 has severe MS & his wife dont think he's up to it. Concentration & speech affected now. And he lives 200km away. - Bro-2 sends horriblw tx msgs, ignores half mine, wouldnt come to dad's birthday or even visit Friday,,. gets aggressive / angry & intimidating & in front of a church friend & hospital staff went off... And he supports my sister who clearly hates me - sis, whe spent x4hrs ransacking mum's room removing documents... & boxes of things, refusing to tellwme oridad whattshe had, with her hubby's help. Oh, she lied in her guardianahip grab application which failed, I blasted her for all the lies, & refusing to gosjoint guardianowith me - so she also now refuses to interact with me, in any way, since, even at the loss of contact with dad. So bloody stupid! - bro-3 has pSz on CTO & also gets verbally abusive. He didnt visit dad on his birthday or come to the rsl with us. He smokes dope reg & has physical pain like fibromyalgia all the time, crippling him. He believes its the neighbours shooting him with secret gov supplied lazor beams. Otherwise, apart from calling the police on me fir changing the house locks. Oh, he gambles his money away all tge time but , yeah, he makes sense sometimes. - bro-4, he says he's cured of hus Sz now and only on oral antidepressants. Hes more sociable nut restless, cant sit long, smokes dope & addicted to otc prescription pain meds. __________
Enough said, i'm just tired of being the only 'real grownup' in this family.
Sorry i scared you @Former-Member, i am not suicidal, just venting the SI i get sometimes but will split it off into the LE side of the forums perhaps. Carers xan have MH issues too.
@Appleblossom, do you have a comment?
Well, i've said enough and gotta do dad's dinner now, he's a diabetic & has to eat.
Thanks to @Shaz51 too, & Outlander. Youre all great ❤❤❤
In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad
AppleblossomSenior Contributor
Re: Depression Dementia Dad
Hi @Former-Member
I just returned and am catching up on emails/notifications etc.
I did not catch what happened a few hours ago.
I think you are a big soul and a practical soul and that is a powerful combination.
There are so many what ifs ... your daughter's death and your parents deaths will all be different and unique, but we do tend to the what ifs ... and comparisons ... that is the nature of thinking ...
I like the idea of an open house for mothers day ... but dont leave yourself open for being hurt ... people on the margins are often low in people as well as financial resources ... and so everyone gets stretched ... and dysfunctions .. accumulate ... be kind to you as well as dad .. and sibs ..
Re dad ... give him a time that you can cope with ... 2-5 hours ... depending on what he iand you are up to .. sometimes the image is just a fear or alert // ... try not to take it into your heart and let fear rule ... fear can be a mind killer ...
I get "death" intrusive images fairly often over the last 30 years. .. eg this morning as I drove down my street after being away for 3 nights.
In response to: Depression Dementia Dad
Unknown userMember
Re: Depression Dementia Dad
Hey @Former-Member ... just checking ... keeping an eye on you ...
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