Depression Dementia Dad

Well, not much interest here, but no point feeling offended.

It's almost a week since posting, and a big week at that, with dad's sister passing away 😞 She's been in palliative care for two weeks. Took dad in a dew times, last saw her Mon when she was still awake. He's aware.

After processing such news (really slowly), 5min later he blurts out "its a really big year this year" 😞

Someone from church came and prayed with us, dad knows them-as friends of mum. Talk of heaven brings much comfort and meaning to such difficult times. Dad's comment was "there's so many in our circle close the heaven now" True Christian support kinda gives permission to talk about death when the rest of society prefer to stick their head in the sand.

Sometimes i catch dad staring into space. He doesn't know what he's thinking he says, but i think he just has trouble articulating it.

I've managed to get him out in the sunshine a couple of times (as recommended by Gerontologist re mood) - maybe it helps but today he refused to go out.

Dad's special ripple design pressure area cushion came, that the OT measured his chair for. It seems to have sorted the problem (plus proper hygiene).

x3 sons have visited dad this weekend. Invited Bro3&4 over who always appreciate a good feed. Its hard for me to be gracious with them (given their behaviour) but 'someone's gotta
be the grownup' Hopefully it will bring them some peace and ease the grief process, which i know all too well is a missmash when combined with MI.

There was a Hospital Memorial for mum Fri - dad & the familt was invited. I sent invitations and even picked up spare order of service to mail to them too - but sometimes wonder why i bother. Dad wanted to go to the memorial but with his sister dying the day before, his wife and sis got mixed up / confused in his thinking. (as to who the service was for). None the less I'm glad we went as no other family were there (i so 'get' that people want it to just be over with), but it was good to light mum a candle and the Release of x10 White Pigeons was just magical / beautiful.

Today I've caught up on mountain of dishes and x2 big loads of washing, and even got to church. Must be eating something wrong as acid reflex bad last 2 days.

My cardiac echo, with Cardiologist Wed, was normal. All needs doing now is Coronary CT - trying to find cause of worsening hypertension. I got a feeling that will be normal too & my BP is a result of 'unfavourable circumstances' (and irritating difficult people lol). Nope, we don't ge to choose our family ❤❤❤

@Former-Member, @Owlunar, @Adge, @Appleblossom, @Faith-and-Hope, @soul, @Shaz51, @Zoe7, @Teej, @Former-Member, @Kurra, aanyo e, who else, who else... my brain...

sending you lots of loving tender hugs my friend @Former-Member

I am so sorry @Former-Member - I had no idea what you have been dealing with I have definitely been trying to 'venture out' a bit more but that got squished pretty quickly when I was substantially triggered by a post on another thread - but now you have tagged me here I can keep updated with how YOU are going.

You can definitely hold your head up high here Lapses - you are amazing

I'm thinking of you @Former-Member,Hugs & kind thoughts..

Adge

@Former-Member

These are hard times. You have a lot going on and are doing a lot of good things for your family. Coming to terms with grief and ageing. Glad some practical things are solved.

I guess it is confusing even for your relatives.

I try to catch up with people in the forum but am fragile and worried I spend too much time here instead of other work. We all do what we can.

I dont believe you will give up @Former-Member you might feel like it, but you seem far too resilient, resourceful and resolute. One very strong lady.

This week has a lot of triggering birthdays for me, my mother, my sister who is still alive and my step daughter. All female relationships that I had such hopes for ... but did not work out ... my forum friends help fill that gap.

I adored my little sister. She was 11 years younger a real bub and later I was a pseudo dad as she came for weekends to give mum a break and I took her to theatre workshops. But I asked her to understand our brother about 30 years ago and she could not bring herself to do that and was playing funny power games herself so that almost understood what made my brother violent. It is complicated. All the cutting off is one way, but I finally am accepting it as it is. Not that it is right and just. She was very spoiled by my mother, more than I imagined but it had a bad effect. She "protected" my mother from feeling a failure as a mother, or from the three of us being allowed to talk about things in our childhood. All the family effort then went into making the littly feel nice about herself.

OMG If I asked or expected for any behaviour. I was just drowned out .. contradicted ...

At any stage of life ...so I am going with ... lucky to have survived my family ... now.

So often Pooh poohed. Pushed to do more, by false comparisons. Even to my doctor my mother tried to interfere. So now at least I am looking back with clearer eyes. I never really had a family for me. It is also apparently typical of how suicide devastates families afterwards.