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Depression Dementia Dad

Depression Dementia Dad

Is Dementia Mental Illness? It's a disease of the mind so i'm hoping i still belong here. If not for that - today at the DR he was asked if he gets depression - dad answered "yes I do get depressed" It's hard to read with dad's early vascular dementia.

Around Christmas i moved in with my parents as mum was unable to manage hersef let alone continue as dad's carer. She was end stage cancer and died in hospital palliative care only 19 days after i arrived 😞 I was shocked how sick she became in the 2months since my last three week trip.. My goodness - what a fighter she was. My two younger brothers were dropping in a couple of times a day & helped with transport, bills & shopping - but could not stay in the house.longer than 30min - becoming restless... (probably the MI-Sz / drug related) and they were wearing thin. getting angry.. Mum was so difficult / hurtful during my last stay to help, i was reluctant to come again unless she asked me to. It was hard for her but necessary. The first attempt to drive the 1200km i ran off the road & badly crashed my car - a 'Write Off' Sore bones & shellshot - I had to rest a few days before flew down.

I hit the floor running - household duties, neals & loads of patient reassurance for mum. Even giving her a bell. Wasnt easy looking them both, clearly dad had been neglected for sone time.

I was still in the bad books for reporting him as a medically 'unfit' driver during my last stay. They fought it and gad x2 doctors confer ( why not done before is beyond me).

So here i am, feeling alone with 'toxic family' threatened by my presence, the loss of my mum, a dad in grief, with early vascular dementia, diabetes, heart disease, spinal injury - poor mobility, bad incontinence. Its full on some days. Not just the cleaning up but all the medical appointments. Especially since mum had understandablly got behind on things like optometrist, pidiatrist... even the GP...

Just looking for support as feeling somewhat shattered after only x5 weeks. Big day today.

lapses

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In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

HI @Former-Member

My bad time - oh boy - it was less last year and I am hoping it will be even less this year

It starts from the beginning of April until the middle of July - it was when my son was in Juvenile Detention until he died - and 3.5 months is a long time to feel really rotten

2 years ago it was what prompted me to join this Forum - I found everyone just after Easter that year when Easter was at the End of March as it was the year he died and again this year actually - Easter is what is called a Moveable Feast because it falls on different dates

Because it was easier last year I am hoping that I will not go through the really dark times I used to go through - no one wants to spend so much time - any time really - feeling old and hopeless memories - and I know people do. Back then the future seemed impossible

But having said that I can say now to anyone who thinks things will never change that they can and will - in my case it was a terrible thing that happened but it need not always be something so devastating - it might be the opposite - something wonderful could happen.

But Easter - ummm - yes - we seem to have so many long weekends at this time of year - actually it's not the time alone during the weekend itself - unless like this weekend I was feeling most unwell - it's that the things I have to deal with during the week get cramped together and appointments clash and I often wonder if holidays are worth it because we have the same amount of work to do in less time

Anyway - I am filling in time before I go to the dentist - I will be okay - no wonder I have been feeling off colour through the last few days

All the best Lapses

Dec

In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

((((( @Appleblossom ))))) i think early ongoing trauma leaves us without any clear concept of healthy 'boundaries' So many ppl in our life have obliterated any sence of normality in terms of relationships, roals, authority .& personal values... And they wonder why we invite it back into our life... I'm glad you're here too 'cause you understand my family issues a bits. But hope i dont have the suicide - to thinl i came close to doing it to them 😞 ... my sis never forgave me for that... what she believes is simply "attention seeking selfishness.. You go gently. Self compassion is the key xox

Oh no @Owlunar, have u got a tooth abcess? Youre officially in the wars 🙂

In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Hey! Bro4 dropped in in a good mood. Its been a week. Even made us a coffee as i helped dad change after a toilet episode. He was really c anky when he heard Bro3 sicked the cops onto me for nothing. Said it wan just payback for inconveniencing him to have to climb in a window. And, cop this, he even apologised saying "i'm really sorry you had to go through that... " Wow, still taking that one in. Normally its 'ya should have done this... or that... or make excuses for the offender. He even told me he's disappointed inAthe waynhe's olderysiblings have been carrying on. He seems to be less intermeshed. But still teary, said he's lost a lot of motivation since mum died, flat. I recommended the free palliative care counselling offered by the hospital but he's 'tough'about it 😕 stiff upper lip. And his mood may also be linked to coming off the otc opiates pulled from shelves - says the alternatives the doctor scripts are useless!... ...

Anyway, is everyone ok? Haven't checked my notifications yet.

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

It is tough yards @Former-Member, but it is great that you are stilll so mindful to be able to see the little shifts and positives happening at this traumatic time.

My surviving sister did not forgive my brother for things when she was growing up but he was also her chauffeur and I felt very protective of her. It took me a long time to fully register how determined she was to distance herself from him and me, I kept hoping for forgiveness. It did help when I realised how traumatic our crcumstances really were and gave up hoping for a happy reconciled family scenario. With respect to her "hope" just kept me straining and the wound raw. That does not mean I cannot engage with hope, but it means that it is for my life only and not about my family of origin.

In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Good morning @Former-Member

In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Hugzz ((((( @Owlunar )))))
hiya @Former-Member,

@Appleblossom, i find it hard to 'give up'on my Earth Family, but luke you say - it often opens wounds. I've resolvef to try not see them as family - they officially fail at it, maybe i do too. Forgiveness is not reconciliation, their worse than that - undermining my good works. When dad doesnt need me amymore - they can sort the house, i've done my part. You sure understand - thanks.

@Owlunar, are you ok today?

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

You have connected to local health care and set up what you can for your dad. @Former-Member I would not judge, but the thing becomes living with our own sense of conscience and working with the reality of others. Decades of accumulated misunderstanding are hard to fix.

In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

I hear you @Appleblossom
My mistake apparently was "pisssing off to qld to live two decafes back. I'm trying to be compassionate. Bro3 is hurting. So today i opened an opportunity for him... While closer to his place, witj dad @ dr cardiologist, i suggested he pop over - say hi to dad there (its been a week). He said: "Not going out today - the high powered laser attack on my head all day has made me ill and blinded me during garbage collection as the weapons are noise reactive!" <br><br>Sigh :(<br><br>Apple, did your famiy have these delusions? Lined their house &amp; electricals with foil, to stop the lazers, yet they still get through, even on Antipsychotic injections... I dont know what to say or do that doesnt upset him. <br><br>I think the stress of being here around this lot might actually kiill me, cardiovascular problems getting worse. Cant seem to relax. But maybe having so much to do (not empty days like before, maybe this will keep me going. I donno,

I wish i had a me to care for me as much as i'm caring for my dad. I say this as my only testiment to what I'm doing. Its not bad, i use to cry for dad the way he was neglected before... and used...

Showed dad a photo of my girl today - he doesn't remember her 😞 Think maybe my inner child has beem trying to reconnect with dad now mum's not here to get jealous... but he's lost the art of conversation, cant recall most of younger years and refers to me by mum's name 1/2 the time. So there's little gain in this for me, however <br><br>Centrelink came good on the Carers Allowemce (pocket money) today. Only took em x6 weeks, x3 visits... Common sense prevailed &amp; didnt have to waith for a new birth certificate to be processed. I applied to be his 'carer' for recognition more than anything (not that I need it now the court Guardianship fight has been withdrawn. Haven't communicated with my sis for a month now because of it (her lies &amp; schemes). <br><br>Found out today that Bro3 has blown all the 5k mum gave him in January. Think he's really cranky wirh himself. Very sad. Its hard to not help them out - but better long term, besides, i'm living on a shoe string myself. <br><br>Anyway, sorry i'm talking anout myself so much. Must be boring. <br><br>Hope everyone up north is ok with the cyclone rains &amp; flooding. Thinling of you especially @Shaz51<br><br>Hey, is it really wrong to ask my son to drive up to my house once a month (2.5hrs drive - expenses paid) to check on it while I'm away? You know - he blasted me when I asked again - insisted he's too busy for going that often - &amp; its not even his responsibility but mine... ... Gave me a lecture about taking proper responsibility (as if i'm not, drr). I find this difficult, when i die he gets it all but cant be inconvenienced now. I dont know. Is it really me? <br>

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

@Former-MemberOur lives and families are really different, but I could tell the intensity of MI was high.

The most delusional stuff I had to deal with, with conspiracies and strange science stuff came from my ex-husband. I had just come the year before from a good uni and we met through a friend doing a Phd in inorganic chem.

With my dad, I mainly figured out his story through research and hindsight. I did not have to deal with his delusional thinking. He was kind to me but dead by the time I was 11. It is part of the reason I normalise MI in that when I really got to thinking about him as a father and analysing Sz it did not all add up. With my mother there was delusional thinking hidden in religious exhortations, which is why I dont do preaching or quotations but have a deep theological bias. That was the most damaging longterm for me.

My sister had a few rants about delusional stuff .. but it was still in the realm of conversation and us working through our childhood separations ... it was not over the top and I would have put up with more if she were still alive ... she attacked me once, and I just submitted to it as I was a bit older and bigger til she was done ... and said I still loved her, but when things happened around mother ... serious escalation occurred. They were the 4 who were apparently on Sz spectrum. Mother/father sister/exhusband.

My brother did not seem delusional. He was more angry and focussed most of it on my mother, which made me try and stand up for her and things became twisted, but he also struggled to do the right thing but in the end was a mess of warring emotions. More a BPD presentation before there was DBT. He would not have done the DBT. I was therapy focussed partly due to the conversations I had with y sister. She believed in it. I would not have trusted therapists much at all, but then I managed to get a very good education in it all, so believed in the concepts even if feeling trust was not easy.

Dad died due to overmedication and pneumonia. Mother not medicated. Brother was not medicated except during admissions. Sister medicated the most, but she died within a few years. It was before the years of depot injections. So is it better that people last a long time or suffer less ... Sorry pressed lips time ... not for me to answer. We are all unique.

My ex wanted my to help to get off meds and we noticed how the mother of my eldest was on her depot over the last 30 years, clinging, whiney, happily delusional and a big PAIN.

I still see things mainly in terms of access to resources. My family died off and others getting the help ... what I have had to go through to get help is shocking ... but at least I do have a MH team. I had no support at all when I joined the forum. My good GP became ill and my story is complicated.

You are a nurse. My current GP said my neck was just due to wear and tear from a casual glance at history. I felt shocked at that assessment. I asked her to please to look fully at my records. I could not have possibly gone through 10++ years of severe crippling pain with just wear and tear. The disc bulges and osteophytes are very obvious, but maybe she did not look at the imagery. NOW after 10 years of rehab exercises and being super careful, with oseo guidance and making all my life decisions around limiting serious neck flare ups ... my quality of life is bearable. I felt insulted by her statement as if I was making it up and now she is just focussing too much on my mental health not overall health. If we cant sort that out it will compromise my trust with her.

Re your son ... my son tells me I am irresponsible for things I have looked after for 30 years. It is shocking the level of confidence the young, these days, have to tell their parents off. I cant argue .. no energy or breathe for it. Too many blocks and games on my needs let alone wishes,

I guess you can only ask .. if your son refuses to do it ... it effects future plans. I think that is why the SKI was invented. I was so naive I was shocked when I first heard about Spending the Kid's Inheritance, but that was from an adult student 15 years ago. I have decided to go to a few more movies and shows this year ... rather than tighten the purse strings on me. I will help my son learn to regulate his food. money and relationships ... GI GO ... garbage in garbage out.

OMG @Former-Member Sorry that was a long response. Hope it was not too much a rant or off topic.

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