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It just hurts

Unknown userMember25 Jan 2018, 11:01 pm AEDT

It just hurts

How do i begin what do i say? Im sorry if is this just sounds like jibberish.

It hurts to be alive. I cant even think of words to say anymore. Im crying but mostly because i have some understanding of how it would effect others if i was to go. Ive delt with MH for more of my life than i havnt. Im not even sure what this will achieve posting this. Im just feeling awful and low.
Sorry.
And thank you for your time

311 replies

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In response to: It just hurts

Unknown userMember27 Jan 2018, 12:04 am AEDT

Re: It just hurts

@utopia i am glad to hear that your thoughts have improved for you 🙂

Its a scary place in here i feel like my lungs are filling with water im finding myself holding my breathe because i dont want to breathe:( i know its all in my head and not really whats going on but that isnt making it any easier to deal with. Im finding it hard to even connect to those closest to me i feel like nobody wants me around anymore. Im struggling to know whats real and what my i dont even know what u call it is effecting my judgment of situations.

A bit off topic here, but if i want to respond to people do i just go ahead and do it? Some have so many responses am i able to just respond im not sure? I donno if i can even ask this sorry:/

Once again i thank you all for taking the time out for me especially when you are all facing your own struggles

In response to: Re: It just hurts

Unknown userMember27 Jan 2018, 12:14 am AEDT

Re: It just hurts

Hi @Former-Member - absolutely feel free to jump in and reply anywhere. Every thread is open to anyone joining in, some members tend to stay on a few threads where they have developed friendships over time but everyone is free to join in as they are able. Other members move around the forums and join in here and there where things resonate for them too. I guess everyone finds their own way and what works for them over time 🙂 but you are definitely most welcome to join in anywhere, though i know that it can be overwhelming at times!

I'm sorry to read about how your feeling at the moment, it sounds like an awful feeling to have. I sometimes have tightness in my chest and often have chest pain which i know is 'just' anxiety but its still hard to sit with so to speak. Does any sort of distraction help, like using your sensory box? I don't have a sensory box perse but use them in my work and my son has a box of stuff. I do have a fidget cube of my own though that i do like to hold on to and play with. I'm always holding on to something usually to focus on, my phone or a pen etc. My kids also have different little rocks and crystals that they love and will hold. (sorry off topic abit too!) Hope you're ok

In response to: It just hurts

Unknown userMember27 Jan 2018, 12:32 am AEDT

Re: It just hurts

@Former-Member you are right it is overwhelming somewhat but hopefully i will be able to find my feet somewhat the more i look around.

I currently dont have a sensory box i should get onto putting another one together i guess but please dont take offence to this because i do not think this for anybody else who has one or uses one in any way what so ever but i get angry at myself for having to manage myself in such childish ways(omg that sounds awful please please know i do not think this about ANYBODY who manages themself this way at all) but i feel i should be able to do better than that for my self.

Ok i cant say anymore its making me feel bad as i dont want anyone to think i see them in this way what so ever!!!

Bleh my words have been lost! I am so sorry for this jibberish. I just hope i can have some relief soon im tired of feeling so dissconected from it all:(

In response to: It just hurts

utopiaSenior Contributor27 Jan 2018, 1:42 am AEDT

Re: It just hurts

@Former-Member - yes you can pop in and join the chats on any thread. All threads are available for everyone to join. And often having a new voice join a conversation is great. Adds a new perspective on things.
I understand your comment about hating to need 'childish' things. You are right. Some of them are childish. But remember when you were a child and you could be soothed by your blanket or teddy. Spend hours enthralled in a puzzle or colouring in. That's what we as adults also need. Hobbies to bring enjoyment. To test skills.
Don't worry. You are unlikely to offend anyone by calling them 'childish'.
When you're sick, do you often wish you were young again and had your mum to look after you? I do.
The same thing happens when we are mentally sick. We need our mothers. We need our comforts. But we think because we are adults, we shouldn't need these things. Or because it's 'all in our head' (I hate that phrase), we don't deserve comforting.
I think the biggest gifts we can give ourselves is to nurture the child in us. Nurture our souls. Nurture our pain.
We deserve to be nurtured. You deserve to be nurtured.

In response to: Re: It just hurts

frogSenior Contributor27 Jan 2018, 7:15 am AEDT

Re: It just hurts

Hi @Former-Member. Thinking of you. I can relate to most of what you are saying. I had a couple of months last year that nearly sunk me - spiralling down down down and overwhelming anxiety. I am in a better place now, though it never really leaves me. Luckily, I have an excellent psychiatrist and psychologist. They can't 'fix' me of course, but they do help me put a floor under my desparately hard feelings. I hope you can do something for yourself today that you enjoy (or at least have enjoyed in the past). When I was at my lowest it was so hard to get outside my head, but I find being outside, walking or pottering in the yard helps. I'm glad you found the forums. It is so valuable to find others who understand and chat without judgement.

In response to: It just hurts

Unknown userMember27 Jan 2018, 11:10 am AEDT

Re: It just hurts

@utopia i can understand the need to want you mum when you are unwell, i learnt at a younge age not to want my mum when unwell because it would just cause more stress. Ive been on my own since i was 16 and she decided i was no longer aloud to live at home. So when i get sick im use to looking after myself. You are correct tho i am huge on blanket comfort they are able to help me feel more safe and secure.

@frog i am sorry you understand most of what i saying i wouldnt wish this suffering on my worst enemy but i am so thankful to have people who understand how i am feeling especially when i feel i am not the best at explaining how i feel.

I woke up so tired it hurt although at the moment eveything hurts. The sadness run so deep inside right down to my core. Im not sure how much i have left in me you can only run on empty so long, the things i do normally arnt really helping but no much if helping right now, all i can do it batten down the hatches and hope to ride this out:( my heart is just so heavy

In response to: It just hurts

Unknown userMember27 Jan 2018, 5:50 pm AEDT

Re: It just hurts

Time just seems to be going snail slow minutes feel like hours. I just want to zone out but im responsible for a child at the moment. My brain is working so hard to destroy me. Im not even sure why im trying to fight this anymore. Whats it all for? I get i will have moment filled with love and joy the same i get moments of awfulness. Im not sure i want any of it anymore. I cant even explain how i feel right now. I just dont want to do this:(

In response to: Re: It just hurts

Unknown userMember27 Jan 2018, 6:04 pm AEDT

Re: It just hurts

@Former-MemberI am sorry it has got to this point especially today with a young child around. I understand what you are saying and can relate to it. Just take hour by hour hun, it is all we can do sometimes.

Have you been doing any self care today or can you do some tonight?

Sitting with you

In response to: It just hurts

Unknown userMember27 Jan 2018, 7:38 pm AEDT

Re: It just hurts

@Former-Member i got some stuff for my box but i opened it and isnt the same as im use to and dosnt work the same for me. I went to chemist and got some of my PRN medication for tonight if i need it. Its hard with the small child here im getting paid to look after her but i feel like i am not really interacting with as well as i should. Everything is hard i feel like even my cats dont wanna hang with me. I am just feeling so so so defeated by my own brain. I dont even know anymore:(:(.

I hope you have had a quiet day after your night last night xx

In response to: Re: It just hurts

Unknown userMember27 Jan 2018, 7:54 pm AEDT

Re: It just hurts

@Former-Memberif your box doesn't work than that is fine. Not everything will. My box doesn't always work for me either, but I guess it is just about trailing different things. I had a talk with my psych the other day about being confused what strategy to use when.

My two kids have had to entertain themselves today, I have just not been up to it, but that is ok, we have those days. I think you said she is 5? I am sure she is having fun regardless. KIds that young are so easily pleased.

I get those feeling hun, I still have them now. We just need to try and ride those waves and get as much support around us as possible. Glad you have PRN for tonight, I will be taking mine too

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