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Psychosis.......

Eden1919Senior Contributor24 Jan 2018, 3:09 am AEDT

Psychosis.......

I have been feeling weird lately and I don't know how to cope or what to think. I used to have all these thoughts and beliefs and experiences which have mostly gone away now I was told they were all psychosis but I still have a hard time knowing how I feel about that. You see I used to think well most recently anyway that I was an angel and I was on a mission from god and I was going to save the world...... and there was all this magic and everything seemed different like the world felt different and i thought all the doctors and health professionals were working for Satan and trying to hurt me and stop me and so I wonder did they succeed and am I just falling for their tricks or was all of that not even real in the first place. And if it wasn't real if I was just sick like they said then all that time all the things I did were a complete waste. But more so what do I do now that I have no purpose. Yes I was scared a lot then and yes I can't say that I lived in the same world as everyone else but now all I feel is this empty hole. I feel lost and confused and traumatized like my whole world has been ripped out from under me and I have been thrown into a new one. Who am I now if none of that was real and how do I build a life out of nothing. Everything is just gone and I feel so so so out of place like I don't fit here. Sometimes I want to go back to that other world at least I felt like I was me at least I didn't feel so lost. What do you do when the "psychosis" is gone and everything you thought you knew and you thought you had is gone and can never be brought back?
@Former-Member

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In response to: Psychosis.......

MazaritaSenior Contributor11 Feb 2018, 9:26 am AEDT

Re: Psychosis.......

@Eden1919, many of us question whether we 'really' have mental illness. However, the fact that you are not experiencing now, what you were experiencing before, is probably down to medications. Do you remember how terrified you were when you were perceiving all those things? Is it really worth it to go back to that? These are the questions I would be asking myself. I know that medications have some really troublesome side effects. But I personally find it preferable to being in states I experienced as really torturing, and which were very damaging to those around me too. But I know that what you are going through now is very hard. I don't have much else to offer really than my compassion for your troubles. Wishing you well, as always. Maz

In response to: Psychosis.......

QueenieSenior Contributor11 Feb 2018, 9:58 pm AEDT

Re: Psychosis.......

Hey @Eden1919, I apologise for not replying earlier, I've been having some self-care days away from my laptop, as I was plunging headlong into a dark place and needed to withdraw from the world a little bit.

I've been through 'psychotic experiences' where everything I believed was called into question. I truly believed that I was being held against my will because I 'knew' government secrets. I was told this was delusionary thinking. I had a heck of a hard time believing that I wasn't special, that I was sick. Sometimes I still delve into that same thinking, although putting up a facade that I have what they call 'insight'. For me, I've been battling with doctors and other medical personnel from the clinical paradigm for 12 years... it's not any easier to accept however when you're informed your deepest beliefs are nothing but fantasies created by a 'sick mind'.

Be kind to yourself @Eden1919... just because what you experience is different from someone else (usually someone in an authority role), doesn't mean your experience is wrong.

In response to: Re: Psychosis.......

Eden1919Senior Contributor12 Feb 2018, 11:51 pm AEDT

Re: Psychosis.......

@Mazarita @Queenie i am really not sure anymore i honestly dont think the doctors are right i dont think i have a problem with psychosis i think they are wrong even when i think back i still dont think the doctors are right. but i know i cant fight them and that makes me sad and hopeless. i just want to cry i want me back.

In response to: Re: Psychosis.......

MazaritaSenior Contributor14 Feb 2018, 2:55 am AEDT

Re: Psychosis.......

There aren't easy answers, @Eden1919, but I'm hearing how hard it is for you.

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