Psychosis.......

Hi @Eden1919

Thanks for your post

There's a lot going on there for you at the moment. I'll send you an email 🙂

NiteKat (mod)

Hi @Eden1919,

I understand what you are saying, though I have not experienced a psychosis in the way you describe. I have also read and responded to some of your posts over some time now. I remember the time when you were completely overaken by the psychosis you have talked about, a time when you seemed to be much more troubled than now.

Having said that, I feel for your current questioning and feelings of emptiness. It's understandable that you may be left with a feeling of void after being caught up in that psychosis to such an extent, for quite a long time.

What seems to be needed now is for you to start making a new life, without the full blown psychosis.

That might involve small steps to getting out of the home and finding activities that give new meaning.

What are your interests? Do you like art, sport, or any other things like that, things you might get more interested in with a clearer mind now?

I noticed on the other thread about your feelings of trauma from hospital stays that you have a psychologist you discuss things with. Your feelings in this post about psychosis would be another thing to talk to the psychologist about.

I do understand how hard it must be for you, and feel for you.

I might also tag a few other members who may have more experience of dealing with psychosis: @Queenie, @aButterfly, @Bunniekins, @catgirl. If they are able to, they may post here to offer other suggestions to you.

However, main thing it seems to me is to talk to your psychologist. Hopefully they will know you better in person and be able to offer suggestions on how to now build a life after psychosis.

Kindest wishes, Maz

@Eden1919 Hi Eden 1919 firstly thank you @Mazarita for tagging me in because I know exactly what Eden1919 is feeling atm. For me having my psychosis was magical I felt I could lip read I had my wonderful voice talkig to me all the time (and he was wonderful, sexy most of the time) but then other times were dark and scary.

Now thanks to medications he has gone. It took awhile to get used to him not being there as I was really attatched to him but after months he became a distant memory as other things filled the void. For me living a life in reality is far preferable than being mad (which I was during that period).

If there was one thing I could wish for was the ability to bring him back when I wanted and to send him away again when it was time for him to go but that wont work ... the medications wont allow that so I prefer to live in reality with my voice put to bed and me moving on with my life.

I hope this helps.

Thanks, @Mazarita for tagging me in this thread. Apologies it has taken a while to get back. I've been physically unwell today and last night (something I ate... oops).

@Eden1919 while I've never experienced an episode of psychosis surrounding religious experiences, I've experienced pretty intense hallucinations and delusionary thinking. I thought for over a year that I was an involuntary participant in secret government experiments. It was terrifying and stole much of my life from me. When I started to recover from this psychotic experience, I at first did not know what to think and who to believe. I was no longer seeing or hearing things I did previously, but then my silly thoughts concocted up a delusion related to that (I believed the government knew I knew about the experiments and withdrew them). Doctors and nurses on the ward told me I had schizophrenia, I did not believe that for an instant. I didn't even believe I was unwell. It stole so much from me and I was left thinking "now what?".

I really do know how you must be feeling atm too. It is like being in the eye of the storm.

I get what you're saying @Eden1919. People used to think I was eccentric, now they just see me as dull and a freak. I used to talk to pictures of people as if the person was really standing before me, now I don't. Coming out of psychosis can be confusing and isolating. Your whole perceived world has been turned upside down and with it your whole belief system (at least that's what happened to me). You're stripped of all these thoughts and beliefs you were positive were true and left a half shell of a person.

I agree it is definitely something to discuss with your treating team (be it psychologist or psychiatrist). You needn't go through such a life-changing thing alone.

Hi @Eden1919, I agree it would be best to have as much support as possible while you are going through this big process of adjustment in your life. You are still young and have so much time to now develop those things you might be interested in. And to make new friends, now that you are no longer so isolated by a different sense of reality to other people.

If I was going through such a dramatic change, I would probably not worry in the first instance about work and what I might do with the rest of my life. But rather start small and explore interests first of all. What do you already do in your free time? What are your days like? Is there anything in them that suggests what you might be interested in exploring further?

Are there any community mental health centres in your area that might run workshops or groups that you could become part of? I go to two groups at a local centre like this - an art group and a womens group. I've also done cooking classes, support group, craft and information sessions about various things at this place. These help me get out of the flat and into social company, which is one of the things I have struggled with, and still do. I find that these places are nurturing and that the people are very nice to each other, much nicer than in regular society really (a bit like the forum). And I've learned things I didn't know, which can be a good feeling.

If you are unsure about what places might offer these sorts of activities, I would ask your care co-ordinator and psychologist. Google searching is another way to find out about things like this in the local community.

Looking forward to hearing more about you and where you might go from here. And wishing you the best always. Kind wishes, Maz

Hi @Eden1919,

Eden, I don't have full blown psychosis issues but, even so, there are many things my mind tells me are true, that I know are not. For example, I get nervous that the neighbours are watching me all the time. I know this is not true because it just doesn't make any sense in a rational way that my neighbours would have the time or interest to do this. Nonetheless, the feeling persists and I need to consciously remind myself that my perceptions are not accurate. I am guessing it is not so different with full blown psychosis. It doesn't really make any rational sense that the things you 'feel' might be true, would be. I'm talking about the religious psychoses you were experiencing much more fully in your earlier days on the forum.

The other 'test' I use is: how does this perception make me feel? For example, if I am feeling tormented by feelings that the neighbours are watching me, that is a feeling that gives me a great deal of fear and negative feeling. So I tend to mistrust very negative feelings like that. The same applies to the kinds of perceptions you had when in your full blown psychosis. It was obvious to me and others on the forum at that time that you were terribly tormented by those perceptions. To me, for example, it is clear that a god who is loving and merciful would subject us to such bad experiences. For me, that means those perceptions are not true.

This may or may not help. Just trying to explain how I think about different things in order to help myself be healthier and less troubled. I'm hoping that @Queenie might be able to explain it better in less words. Always wishing you well. Maz