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Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

This thread is a follow on (or starting over) from my previous thread Caring for a wife with borderline personality disorder – sequel to diary of wife's hospital stay, I wanted to start over and in order to leave all the trauma and negativity of last year behind me and start fresh.

Those of you who have been following our family journey will know that after a number of hospital admissions for my darling I was encouraged by my councillor to implement some boundaries (lovingly implemented guidelines, not rules to be enforced) as well as self-care for myself as what we were doing was clearly not working and my health was /still is being affected.

Well after a smoother than expected start the boundaries and self-care were forgotten with my darling having a complete melt down and further lengthy hospital admissions due to high risk of self harm and a genuine attempt to leave us. The last 6 months particularly have been quite difficult for us all. S2 particularly had a lot of issues at school during this time and is currently seeing a councillor.

The purpose of this new thread is to again document our journey of healing, working on implemented boundaries and commitment to self care. As with the previous thread this is so that I can have a visual plan for myself with some accountability to follow through with plans in place and in the hope that it may help others in similar situations to ours. And so that I can track our progress. This was especially helpful in the last thread leading up to Christmas when I was feeling down about our current position to review what I had written and see just how far we have come.

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In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

How are things @Determined? Have you succumbed to the dreaded lurgy?

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Not yet @Former-Member but it's still hanging on in the fringes unfortunately.

Feeling like I am sinking at the moment 😐 think everything is catching up with me.

Planning to get back into the garden this week to keep myself distracted from it all.

Mum in law still in hospital, latest guess by drs is Tuesday... maybe.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

thinking of you @Determined and sending hugs

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Here too @Determined.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Thanks @Smc @Shaz51 @Former-Member

We went to to visit MIL this morning at the hospital. I have not seen her for 2 days as I have been on the edge of some sort of bug and do not want to pass it on. Darling and FIL have both said she was looking and sounding better. Well I got quite a shock when I saw her. I think she is much worse not better 😒 .

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

I went for a 1/2 hour rest after lunch and slept for over 2 hours. I woke feeling like I had run a marathon. No wonder when I checked my pulse

I took this before I got up.

Trying to motivate myself to finish loading the trailer with green waste for a dump run.

In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

@Determined

Happy new year Bro.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Today I thought I would look at my goals for 2018 and set new goals for 2019. As mentioned at the start of 2018 I dont like to think of them as new year resolutions. It is mort that the beginning of the year is convenient time to set goals while everyone is on holidays as I am least distracted at this time 😊

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

My 2018 goals

My self care:

  1. Continue attending a men’s bible study when it resumes at start of school year.

This worked well enough untill last term at uni when my work roster changed 👍 I would call it a success 😊

  1. Exercise. I had a goal of 5000 km on my bike for 2017, that seemed reasonable at the time but I managed only 150 outside. This year I am aiming for 2000km. (That’s only 40 km or 2 hours a week)

Haha I hb think I may have managed 100 if lucky. Darling keen for us to go riding together so currently a work in progress and better luck this year once kiddies are back at school 😊

  1. Investigate joining the local photography club. (This will be hard having to go out and meet new people)

Fail !

I have just had a flyer pop up on my GB feed though and would like to try again s tr starting next month.

  1. Resume another sporting activity that used to excite me.

Managed a couple of visits in November. Now have a new friend who wants to join me weekly this year and I aim to go weekly to club events. (That reminds me. I need to head out to arrange membership as renewal did not come in the mail.

  1. Continue with counselling sessions. I was going to give up but gp wants me to continue.

Tried but didn't go anywhere. Dont know what I am going to do about that? Just go along to monthly mh carer group meeting with carer qld and see how I go.

(Sorry about the formatting... phone is not cooperating lol)

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Joint self care:

  1. We have just started relationship counselling and need to follow through with this.
  2. Regular date outings without children, at least once a week.
  3. Regular family outings in our boat or just to the beach or park or somewhere the children would like to go.

Fail to all of these.

We had a couple of random lunch out at a cafè but need to be more consistant. (2)

(3) boat needs some attention. That was a pre Christmas job but boat still in the shed growing dust.

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