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Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

This thread is a follow on (or starting over) from my previous thread Caring for a wife with borderline personality disorder – sequel to diary of wife's hospital stay, I wanted to start over and in order to leave all the trauma and negativity of last year behind me and start fresh.

Those of you who have been following our family journey will know that after a number of hospital admissions for my darling I was encouraged by my councillor to implement some boundaries (lovingly implemented guidelines, not rules to be enforced) as well as self-care for myself as what we were doing was clearly not working and my health was /still is being affected.

Well after a smoother than expected start the boundaries and self-care were forgotten with my darling having a complete melt down and further lengthy hospital admissions due to high risk of self harm and a genuine attempt to leave us. The last 6 months particularly have been quite difficult for us all. S2 particularly had a lot of issues at school during this time and is currently seeing a councillor.

The purpose of this new thread is to again document our journey of healing, working on implemented boundaries and commitment to self care. As with the previous thread this is so that I can have a visual plan for myself with some accountability to follow through with plans in place and in the hope that it may help others in similar situations to ours. And so that I can track our progress. This was especially helpful in the last thread leading up to Christmas when I was feeling down about our current position to review what I had written and see just how far we have come.

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In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

@Determined

you have neither said or done anything that would offend @Former-Member

possibly taking some self-care time or even following up something with mr darcy..

I know that she would want you to be reassured....so delete those thoughts...

yes sleep will mount up as a debt...been there...currently experiencing again myself although I did get a block of 4 hours last night with medication though..

you might need to think about that yourself for a couple of nights to get your sleep pattern back...there are some natural ones...I would not suggest the st j.... w...have heard too many stories of unpleasant reactions...

the one that I am referring to can be made up as a compound at the chemist...that is all that I can say without crossing the guidelines..

wishing you nights blessed with sleep

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Thanks for that @Former-Member

Dr has prescribed an AD that was supposed to help but reluctant to provide anything stronger. It worked initally but not so much when under preassure. Having chamomile tea 🤤 often helps but even that is ineffective atm...

Hoping for more luck today as we have been busy and more avtive for most of the day. Darling was actually smiling for a bit this afternoon as she helped me detail my car (well its our car but its the one I drive) and was quite pleased with her efforts and the result.

She also managed to get on the cycle trainer and impove her avg speed. I was concerned about her pushing herself after the weekend trauma but she seemed unaffected so that gives me greater confidence regarding her recovery.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

@Determined

brilliant news

yes I drink chamomile tea ..calms me but does not send me to sleep..

yes good about the exercise...keep an eye on that though...I have just recently further injured myself overdoing my overzealous I need to get my fitness level back...

happy moments might just help you with a little meditation if you can ...

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Balance in exercise is a real concern here @Former-Member

In 2016 my darling did over 10,000 km on her bike on the road and ?000 km on the indoor trainer. Thjs was achieved in a little over 9 months .

In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

@Determined

No problems at all Bro, please don't give it another thought.

Appreciate your sense of humour, helped me get through on a number of occasions (on that note I saw a nightshirt on the internet ... thought your Darling might want to get it for your next birthday ... only kidding)

Darcy

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Answer to your question is over here @soul

As much of it as I can share anyway, it was a rather traumatic weekend.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Reading between the lines and can see that it must have been such a stressful situation for all involved @Determined.

No wonder you are hesitant about making plans and wondering if you can keep them. So sorry that this has happened. I really hope that things improve from here on in. You certainly haven't had an easy life.

In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

@Determined, here and listening.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Dinner served @Former-Member back shortly.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

@Former-Memberyour comments about being prepared were very timely,
I have been reflecting on what I can do better moving forward to support my darling.
Have some good infomation from the help centre this afternoon about creating an action plan, going to be discussing this with the couples councillor tomorrow.

My thoughts are all over the place at the moment so not sure quite how to articulate how I am feelng.

My biggest concern at the moment is that what happened on the weekend is not being acknowledged as a genuine attempt. The treating professionals can only go by what they are being told granted but I would have hoped they could do a better job of reading between the lines. she was telling them what she thought they wanted to hear so she could go home.

I have managed to have a discussion with my darling this afternon and with her permission I am going to be more direct in telling pdoc what I think.

I also feel uncomfotable that I was not consuted or given any feedback.... I heard the nurses discussing during shift handover that it was not a genuine attempt but she just wanted to zone out for a bit. noone even told me that was their conclusion or asked if I was ok with it. I suspected and she confirmed this afternoon that she thought it would be a peacful final solution, the reality was quite different. The level of care at the hospital was high, I cant complain about that at all they were great overall, just lacking in that regard.

the pdoc on Tuesday kind of left things hanging, there was no discussion about what we are doing to stay safe, Another appointment with him next Tuesday if darling dosent cancel it.

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