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Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

This thread is a follow on (or starting over) from my previous thread Caring for a wife with borderline personality disorder – sequel to diary of wife's hospital stay, I wanted to start over and in order to leave all the trauma and negativity of last year behind me and start fresh.

Those of you who have been following our family journey will know that after a number of hospital admissions for my darling I was encouraged by my councillor to implement some boundaries (lovingly implemented guidelines, not rules to be enforced) as well as self-care for myself as what we were doing was clearly not working and my health was /still is being affected.

Well after a smoother than expected start the boundaries and self-care were forgotten with my darling having a complete melt down and further lengthy hospital admissions due to high risk of self harm and a genuine attempt to leave us. The last 6 months particularly have been quite difficult for us all. S2 particularly had a lot of issues at school during this time and is currently seeing a councillor.

The purpose of this new thread is to again document our journey of healing, working on implemented boundaries and commitment to self care. As with the previous thread this is so that I can have a visual plan for myself with some accountability to follow through with plans in place and in the hope that it may help others in similar situations to ours. And so that I can track our progress. This was especially helpful in the last thread leading up to Christmas when I was feeling down about our current position to review what I had written and see just how far we have come.

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In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

We are now at the hosoital
She is going to be ok but needs obs just in case for next 24? Hours.

In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Thanks @lola
Doing ok at the moment I think
I started to fall apart when dr sent me out but am back at her side now so distracted enough.

In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

@Former-Member

Spent the day at emergency but have just been discharged. I wish they had admitted her but my darling refused.

I don't know what to do at the moment 😢 not feeling very confident at all...

In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

@Determined
Step by step Bro
- who is looking after boys?
- what are you going to eat tonight?
- If boys at home, can you get movie or something ready for them to be entertained?
- Get them in PJs asap after tea while darling gets lunches ready.
Keeping you in prayers.
D

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

@Former-Member

Mum dropped the boys home about an hour ago,

Tinned spaghetti on toast for dinner

Boys are watching some rubbish on tv while darling makes school lunches, she has a routine to keep things in order so trying not to hover and just keeping bub occupied as he likes to help in the kitchen.

Thankyou for your prayers, much appreciated at the moment.

Spoke to my mum when she dropped the boys off, she is happy to pop over for a visit on Tuesday knowing my darling will be busy around the house. Happy just to read a book or whatever. Darling has grudgingly accepted that I have asked.

In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

@Determined
Hard not to hover ...
One step in front of the other ...

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Hi @Determined,

I saw your posts regarding what happened with your darling yesterday. It must be super hard for you seeing her sent home after such a situation. I have had many experiences like that, of being sent home when other people may wonder why on Earth the hospital wouldn't keep me in. Obviously I don't know what the reasoning was for this decision in your darling's situation, but I know that for me, it was often very much due to the stigma and negative attitudes towards people with BPD. I'm sure you know what I mean - labelling behaviour as "just attention seeking" rather than seeing it for what it is - an extreme behaviour by someone in extreme pain. You, your darling and your children are very much in my thoughts tonight, Determined. It is so hard. It is so so SO hard.

In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Checking in on you today @Determined

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Thanks @Phoenix_Rising @Former-Member

Things are steady here at the moment. Well as steady as they can be anyway. Darling has been super tired but ok. She is grudgingly accepting my mum coming and stay the day tomorrow while I am at a uni leadership training day. She doesn't want to 'be babysat' but accepts my concerns. We have a pdoc appointment tomorrow afternoon and an appointment with our couples councillor on Friday.

I was more scared yesterday than I have ever been about the outcome of her actions, it was that serious. Im just so glad I stayed home, I was going to take the boys to church and leave her rest but something she said made me change my mind. I still have not processed it yet properly. I am not happy leaving her tomorrow even with mum here but need to get away for some self care.

Waiting to see the outcome of tomorrows appointment with the pdoc.

In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

@Determined
Holding you all up in prayer.
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