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Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

This thread is a follow on (or starting over) from my previous thread Caring for a wife with borderline personality disorder – sequel to diary of wife's hospital stay, I wanted to start over and in order to leave all the trauma and negativity of last year behind me and start fresh.

Those of you who have been following our family journey will know that after a number of hospital admissions for my darling I was encouraged by my councillor to implement some boundaries (lovingly implemented guidelines, not rules to be enforced) as well as self-care for myself as what we were doing was clearly not working and my health was /still is being affected.

Well after a smoother than expected start the boundaries and self-care were forgotten with my darling having a complete melt down and further lengthy hospital admissions due to high risk of self harm and a genuine attempt to leave us. The last 6 months particularly have been quite difficult for us all. S2 particularly had a lot of issues at school during this time and is currently seeing a councillor.

The purpose of this new thread is to again document our journey of healing, working on implemented boundaries and commitment to self care. As with the previous thread this is so that I can have a visual plan for myself with some accountability to follow through with plans in place and in the hope that it may help others in similar situations to ours. And so that I can track our progress. This was especially helpful in the last thread leading up to Christmas when I was feeling down about our current position to review what I had written and see just how far we have come.

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In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Thankyou @Former-Member @PeppiPatty @Appleblossom

Things are quiet at the moment. Just finished watching a movie as a family. Have a family day out planned tomorrow. We may need to cancel, mum in law will be disappointed but just have to see how things are in the morning.

In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

@Former-Member I tend to agree with you. The behaviour we experienced is a choice. I believe we proved that last night. At the moment I feel like I am being emotionally blackmailed. I am committed to keeping our family together for the wellbeing of the children. Every time I try and have a rational discussion it ends in a tantrum and threats of leaving which upsets the children.

Thank you @PeppiPatty for your story.

No one around us really knows how bad it is. I have shared more here than I have with any one, including councillors. Even with the sugar coated version people wonder why I stay. Some times I wonder too but I made a commitment 'for better or worse' and it is important for our boys that we are together despite the tension. I have promised one boy in particular that while I can't promise for mummy I will not leave or 'send mummy away'.

He has told me he is worried I will get sick of mummy and send her away because that is what happened to one of his friends parents.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

I am hoping that there will be a way where she will address these issues and modify her behaviour @Determined whilst keeping your family together. It may take tough love i.e. she chooses between hospital and police. Will keep praying ...

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Thanks @Former-Member

Prayers are much needed and appreciated.

I was going to call her Dr tomorrow but she is refusing to see or talk to him so no point. She has to want to help herself until that happens there is nothing I can do.

She refused to take her meds this morning (took some prn I put out for her) will see what happens tonight.

We have our next cc appointment in 3 weeks (councillor is on holidays). That app will be individual talks so I will be able to talk freely and ask for advice then. Just have to hang on until then.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

hello @Determined

So much to say to you....you probably have heard more than enough...

she is appearing to behave like a child from what I read....illness or no illness...not taking her medication...

pushing boundaries....controlling your moves and decisions..

Time to bring up the family boundaries...personal boundaries and family rules?

an appointment for yourself also .....

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

good message @Sophia1

@Determined I am busy with husband but this is what I was wanting to write to you. YOU choose to do with yourself whatever you want to do.

This is your life. I'm absolutely committed to husband too....

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

@Determined

I have just read this back and feeling so sensitive about anything at the moment...I truly hope that this does not sound too harsh or clinical...

I know how much you love your family and how much you do for them...It is hard to be firm when we are worried about their state of mind....I know this...

we do this because of that deep love that we have for them...our love does not alter...our acceptance of what is appropriate and what is not enforces the loving care we have for our family..

reaffirming boundaries for all helps reaffirm this...

all the best

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Thank you @Sophia1 @PeppiPatty

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Well we have had an ok day today.

Went for a drive out of town to catch up with family. I was a little nervous about potential for a melt down but it went ok. I had to activate the deadlocks on the car half way home for safety though, thankfully the children were sleeping and missed that discussion.

About to go shopping now. Not looking forward to that. No matter how I am treated or spoken to I am supposed to keep a smile on my face and be happy or I am deemed to be angry and unreasonable.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Don't mean to be negative just having a hard time keeping that smile on my face atm 😞

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