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Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

This thread is a follow on (or starting over) from my previous thread Caring for a wife with borderline personality disorder – sequel to diary of wife's hospital stay, I wanted to start over and in order to leave all the trauma and negativity of last year behind me and start fresh.

Those of you who have been following our family journey will know that after a number of hospital admissions for my darling I was encouraged by my councillor to implement some boundaries (lovingly implemented guidelines, not rules to be enforced) as well as self-care for myself as what we were doing was clearly not working and my health was /still is being affected.

Well after a smoother than expected start the boundaries and self-care were forgotten with my darling having a complete melt down and further lengthy hospital admissions due to high risk of self harm and a genuine attempt to leave us. The last 6 months particularly have been quite difficult for us all. S2 particularly had a lot of issues at school during this time and is currently seeing a councillor.

The purpose of this new thread is to again document our journey of healing, working on implemented boundaries and commitment to self care. As with the previous thread this is so that I can have a visual plan for myself with some accountability to follow through with plans in place and in the hope that it may help others in similar situations to ours. And so that I can track our progress. This was especially helpful in the last thread leading up to Christmas when I was feeling down about our current position to review what I had written and see just how far we have come.

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In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

LoL @Shaz51 it was either a long walk or weed out a bank full of cobbler pegs. The walk won out.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

the walk sounds better @Determined

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Only problem being the cobbler pegs are still there waiting for me @Shaz51.

Considered lighting them up but its a bit close to the rain water tanks. Darling would not be amused if I melted them lol.

In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Cobbler pegs all the way for me @Determined

Moving goal posts = urrggghh

You really are wonderful Bro, you have so many strengths, being emotional is not a weakness.

Family outings are precious times - if the boys and your darling is enjoying them and you are making it through the day without upset it is lovely ( BTW ... none of us know what is hiding between the other 'happy' families smiles).

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Thanks for the reminder re the smiles @Former-Member,

This is actually something I tell my darling all the time.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Not sure if I am in the doghouse with my mum at the moment or not, she seems to be ignoring me. It could possibly be as simple as she has not bothered to check her phone but something I said last week (decision regarding the children) has potentially triggered a hormonal response. As if I don't have enough emotional blackmail and manipulation at home to deal with. I hope I am wrong. 😞

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Asked my darling this afternoon how a councilling appointment went this morning and got my head chopped off. I wasn't after any details, just was it helpful as she was reluctant going in.

Aparently that translates to I was preassuring her and worried about myself.

Thankfully things diffused when I asked if that was an appropiate response when all I was doing was showing care and concern for her and wanted to see her happy.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

On a positive note we all seem happy enough at the moment.

I was expecting to have a discussion when I thought it was too late to start a movie, particularly when S1 has school and I have a busy day at work tomorrow but everyone accepted and looking to watching some movies on the weekend.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

As some self care today I was able to touch base with a guy I have recently been introduced to,

we are going to catch up some time soon. He is a retired gent but we have some shared interests.

I don't know why but I found the call difficult to make even though his daughter told me he was looking forward to my call. (I had told him I would touch base after exams were complete). The call actually went easier than I expected.

Kind of looking forward to having a guy I can spend some time with and do some guy stuff. If the weather clears up we may even get some fishing in. Kind of like the idea of having some away time without having to be alone even though I am often happy with my own company that does not necessarily help my social skills lol. I have tried connecting with different people in the past but it has not worked out, better luck this time.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

@Determined

I think that it is great that you made the phone call to catch up with this potential friend....

I know how that feels when you look forward to the company of someone with whom you can relate....having mixed feelings at the same time...

Fishing would be a great option as you can both blend into your environment and keep the conversation around what you are doing as well as the spot where you are...

I wish you all the best for what will be some very special time for you...

One last thing...Try hard to not allow your thoughts to take you to a place of guilt or worry about your family during this special time..reel those thoughts in..is that the fishing expression? throw the line back out and enjoy ...

I hope that you don't mind me posting here and interrupting your flow of conversation...

take care

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