Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

@tymethanks for the link, looks really good, will definitely look into it. Thanks very much.

@tired_sisyphus have not checked in for a while, Trust all is as well as it can be for you.

Last couple of months has been a real roller coaster here foe our family.

FIL went into hospital over 12 weeks ago for what was supposed to be a simple procedure with 3 nights in hospital. But was essentially experimental. Things r looking up but still some weeks in hospital yet I suspect. Hospital currently in a covid lock down.

2 out of 3 children are over life and talking about permanent forms of self harm.

I am running on empty.

It has been a big year. The year that keeps giving. But we have seen worse. Much worse so counting the blessings.

I am in a job where I feel valued and appreciated. (Despite sometimes feeling triggered by others around me who are not valued or appreciated)

Revisit of boundaries was necessary last night after some not insignificant self harm on darlings part.

I honestly think another hospital visit (MH ward) is an option at the moment and made that clear. May sound harsh but I really don't have the capacity to support that behaviour at the moment and keep her safe. And it is often to get a reaction out of me, so boundary = here is my reaction. You want to do that I will be requesting an admission for you. Not making allowances or excuses.

Dear @Determined - thank you for sharing. As hard at it is for you right now, these boundaries are so important to maintain - not only for your darling, but for you. Boundaries hurt a borderline when they feel bound, yet it is also a source of comfort.

I have spoken to carers of people with BPD. An admission (as much as it is spoken against for people with BPD), actually gives YOU some relief from the constant hyper-vigilance.

I hope you find space to continue to take care of yourself at this time. I support whatever you decide to you.

Thanks @tyme

Winding out some kms on the motorcycle at the moment for visiting FIL, that is helping to get away and unwind.

It is always a challenge taking time out like this because never know what I will come home to. Last night harm was while I was out catching up with work colleagues. We were both supposed to go but darling piked. Rather than stay home like I usually do I went anyway. Aparently I am not allowed to have a life and be happy or content 😕

And to be fair it is hard for darling seeing her Dad decline but that is not my fault and I am here to help so 🤷‍

Your journey and patience is remarkable @Determined . As a borderline myself, I couldn't imagine 'caring' for myself. I can see you love, patience and care.

Your darling is to fortunate to have you.

And yes, you do deserve a break away from the continual hyper vigiliant life you are probably constantly living.

What therapies has your darling engaged in? (No pressure to answer. I'm only curious) Because for me, MBT was a life-changer and life-saver.

@tyme thanks for your story

I am unfamiliar with MBT and google was not much help, are you able to tell me more about this please?

Darling has done cbt with a psychologist, but also further therapy both inpatient and outpatient in a private mental health ward not sure what that entailed because aparently it did not concern me.

I have enquired about group DBT locally but only programs available are for victims of sexual assault so darling did not qualify

She also had 3 sessions of ECT as an inpatient. That I believe was less than helpful. Emotional connection was a challenge before but has been zero since 😕

MBT seems to be relatively new in Australia. I went through it a number of years ago @Determined . It seemed to do the work of slowly re-teaching the brain to think in new more helpful ways. It was about practising to sit with unpleasantness (which is very hard for a borderline). As we sit with unpleasantness, we then learn to 'mentalise'. That is, to understand our mental state and therefore have more control over what our brain does.

It took time for the change to happen, but the change was lasting.

Hi @Determined , I was in MBT treatment for a solid 18 months through Spectrum in VIC.

I finished treatment in perhaps 2018/2019. The effects were lasting. It’s as though I’ve been given a new brain. I no longer go down the destructive road when dealing with emotional stress. It’s like I’ve learnt a new way to think. A way others learn naturally, but I’ve needed to be explicitly taught.

So MBT was a mix of group and individual therapy. In group (the most helpful element), each person shared and we then agreed to focus on one or two points. Each person then practised mentalizing and was supported to consider different perspectives about the situation.

Therapy was quite taxing and emotionally draining. Hence individual therapy we a chance to debrief.

I really went into therapy not believing it would make a difference. But here I am. Living life to the fullest.

All the best for you and your loved one.