Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

I have tried to do that the best I can @Former-Member and GP tried explaining it to her on Friday but she completely missed the point.

The primary aim at times like this is to have her professionally supported in a safe environment when it is not safe for her to be alone.

I understand her feeling isolated but it is not practice or possible for me to be with her 24/7 and even if I could I lack the emotional capacity to give her the support she needs. I am on edge of falling apart myself. Even when I do make a commitment to stay close and support her, her last 2 attempts have been while I have been at home with her.

Today has been better but yesterday I was sitting beside her as long as she was awake for this reason, I was that concerned. She told me this afternoon that if I had not been with her she would have done something but I would not leave her alone (Like that was a bad thing)...

She actually accused me this afternoon of just dumping her at the hospital last year and forgetting about her... After visiting every day 7 days a week for ?? weeks and calling every morning so the children could talk to her she thinks I just dumped her and forgot about her.

I don't know if she actually believes that and cant remember all of my visits or is just basing it on the last admission where I only visited mid week and weekend because I was so fatigued I was not physically capable of making the drive safely, when we did go my mum drove me.

And I think she knows that if admitted again I would only be visitng on weekends as I could not go through that all again.

I don't think you have ever said anything to upset me @Former-Member so please do worry about that . I value and appreciate your advice and insights a lot.

Often it is really helpful to hear another perspective as it is easy to get caught up in an emotion and not see an alternate reality. especially at times like this.

I trust me talking through my emotions is not too taxing for you or anyone else here. I am aware that you have your concerns as do many others here 😞 . I certainly don't think I am alone in this.

Appreciate that a lot @Former-Member

Hi @Former-Member thanks for checking in,

Things are looking a little better this morning but that has been changing multiple times a day lately so holding my breath. I arranged for my mum to visit for the day today as I have a full day at uni. Darling was not overly pleased with having a minder but accepted it well enough when I explained that it was only because I was concerned.

We have a Pdoc appointment tomorrow morning, I have told her I will be discussing a possible hospital admission so I think she is making a concerted effort to prove she doesn't need it.

@Determined My Mum had/has probable BPD, but never diagnosed. She had one only ever psych appointment, and after coming home in tears said she was never going back because he made her feel worse, not better. So I've seen a lot of what you're describing from a daughter's eye view.

My Dad stuck with Mum thorough it all, but there were times when it got seriously hard for him. He still loves her heaps, even through his demetia. I think she still loves him in her way too, but at the same time, she pushes him away. Maybe she doesn't really know how to respond, because of a background fear that she's unloveable.

It's good that there's recognition of the issues and help for your wife... very glad you've got supports too. It's better not having to go it alone.