FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Friends, families and carers

Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

This thread is a follow on (or starting over) from my previous thread Caring for a wife with borderline personality disorder – sequel to diary of wife's hospital stay, I wanted to start over and in order to leave all the trauma and negativity of last year behind me and start fresh.

Those of you who have been following our family journey will know that after a number of hospital admissions for my darling I was encouraged by my councillor to implement some boundaries (lovingly implemented guidelines, not rules to be enforced) as well as self-care for myself as what we were doing was clearly not working and my health was /still is being affected.

Well after a smoother than expected start the boundaries and self-care were forgotten with my darling having a complete melt down and further lengthy hospital admissions due to high risk of self harm and a genuine attempt to leave us. The last 6 months particularly have been quite difficult for us all. S2 particularly had a lot of issues at school during this time and is currently seeing a councillor.

The purpose of this new thread is to again document our journey of healing, working on implemented boundaries and commitment to self care. As with the previous thread this is so that I can have a visual plan for myself with some accountability to follow through with plans in place and in the hope that it may help others in similar situations to ours. And so that I can track our progress. This was especially helpful in the last thread leading up to Christmas when I was feeling down about our current position to review what I had written and see just how far we have come.

2306 replies

1,771 - 1,780 of 2,306

In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Hello @Determined

I worked for a customer today that was a real mess this morning

her ex daughter in law has BPD

but she is wiorried about her grandson which is showing BPD systems , she is soo worried about her son`s attitude to this

how is your S2 going xoxo

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Hi @Shaz51

Our S2 is doing relatively ok at the moment.

Still I worry however because he is so much like his mum.

I took the time to listen to some 'music' (Not what I call music) but any way. We listened. It was like wow. This guy is so angry and S2 relates to this. That is a worry.(The artist apparently lost his mum to suicide at a young age and dad was of little support from I could piece together).

I need to make more time to do stuff and talk about stuff with our boys.

Still processing how to approach this.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

On the school front things have gone much better than I had hoped. I was thinking darling had the easy job with s1. Seems not lol. He is just plain hard work.

I have the rest of this week off work so I will be spending more time with S1 to give darling a break. S2 will be dissapointed. Even though he has been mostly self sufficient he has it seems enjoyed working along side me.

In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Checking in @Determined

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

All quiet here atm @Former-Member

Next counselling appointment is this week.

Last session homework (only half complete) has clarified some things in way that has not been done before.

Really hoping for some direction out of this counselling attempt. Despite much to be grateful for I am finding it hard to find joy in anything or see anything meaningful in our future. Everything is an effort.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Darling and I making a commitment to daily exercise. Dusted off the bikes this afternoon and that went well.

Hoping that may also help.

Cycling seems to work better for trimming down than walking also. Well has proved so for us previously anyway. There is a reason behind that but I suspect specifics may breach guidelines.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

How did things go today @Determined?

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

@Former-Member despite a meltdown late on Saturday yesterday went well. I think darling enjoyed it.

I took the boys shopping. Was going to be on Saturday but that was taken up with an unexpected task. And they came home.with a years supply of chocolate lol.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Walking on eggshells again here after another meltdown this afternoon. Ended up cooking my own birthday dinner lol.

(Had it a day late due to children having youth group activities to last night). At least dinner was nice and I did not have to wash up.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

@Determined, I know what we'd see with my Mum when we visited with the kids that she'd try really hard to be extra-nice, because her grandkids were there, but eventually it would become too much for her and she'd go into a very fast spiral downhill. Could that have been happening at your place? If so, small consolation is that she might have been trying really hard to make your birthday something special.

(And welcome to the club- I've spent years expecting to cook my own birthday dinner and birthday cake... but would make sure that I treated myself in doing so by making it a favourite dish. 🙂 As the kids have gotten old enough to have their own income, that's sort of shifted into taking me out for lunch.)

1,771 - 1,780 of 2,306