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Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor22 Jan 2018, 1:25 pm AEDT

Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

This thread is a follow on (or starting over) from my previous thread Caring for a wife with borderline personality disorder – sequel to diary of wife's hospital stay, I wanted to start over and in order to leave all the trauma and negativity of last year behind me and start fresh.

Those of you who have been following our family journey will know that after a number of hospital admissions for my darling I was encouraged by my councillor to implement some boundaries (lovingly implemented guidelines, not rules to be enforced) as well as self-care for myself as what we were doing was clearly not working and my health was /still is being affected.

Well after a smoother than expected start the boundaries and self-care were forgotten with my darling having a complete melt down and further lengthy hospital admissions due to high risk of self harm and a genuine attempt to leave us. The last 6 months particularly have been quite difficult for us all. S2 particularly had a lot of issues at school during this time and is currently seeing a councillor.

The purpose of this new thread is to again document our journey of healing, working on implemented boundaries and commitment to self care. As with the previous thread this is so that I can have a visual plan for myself with some accountability to follow through with plans in place and in the hope that it may help others in similar situations to ours. And so that I can track our progress. This was especially helpful in the last thread leading up to Christmas when I was feeling down about our current position to review what I had written and see just how far we have come.

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In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor01 May 2019, 4:34 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

I have tried sharing here a couple of times over the last week some of what I am processing but hard to find a balance without going into too much detail or being too negative. In a bit of a black hole atm. Feeling unwell not helping at all.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor01 May 2019, 4:41 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

One of my biggest hurdles at the moment is I am really craving some love and affection and it has been made abundantly clear that is never going to happen. I am expected to give a hug for comfort when needed but never more than that and never reciprocated.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Unknown userMember01 May 2019, 5:25 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Am hearing you @Determined, it is a tough issue. Have you been able to mention this aspect of life to your counselor?

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor01 May 2019, 5:58 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Not in recent times @Former-Member

Currently only ongoing counselling support is with gp. Have an app with gp later this week.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Unknown userMember01 May 2019, 6:05 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Is it worth asking if GP aware of a therapist who has experience with carers and specifically BPD carers @Determined. They might be happy to do a MH plan if you don't already have one.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor01 May 2019, 6:37 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Have had MH plans before @Former-Member so that won't be a problem. Finding a carer specific with understanding of bpd will be the challenge. Most councillors I have seen while not unhelpful had all thought they can solve all of my issues in 6 visits with some breathing exercises.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor01 May 2019, 6:47 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

I think I am feeling down moreso than usual as darling has a significant birthday upcoming. I really should do something special for her but can't get motivated or excited to do anything.

Also it is coming up to 2 year anniversary of in crisis treatment for darling that removed what little emotional connection we did have.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Unknown userMember01 May 2019, 6:57 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Feeling your frustration Bro, I told my counselor straight up that mindfulness/breathing was not for me @Determined The free Carers Aust counselling helped me understand what proper carer focused counseling entailed and I was very grateful for that service.

Mr Darcy is waiting to see a new psychologist and I have asked pdoc if any correspondence needs to be entered into so he does not come home with another mindfulness CD to add to the collection he never uses. I think unless things are actively mentioned that this is the default they go to.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Unknown userMember05 May 2019, 8:48 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Thinking of you @Determined , how are things going?

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor05 May 2019, 9:12 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Just finished typing a long post updating things @Former-Member and lost it when wifi dropped out.

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SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.