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When things get tough here on the Forums

CherryBombSenior Contributor04 Nov 2015, 8:01 pm AEDT

When things get tough here on the Forums

Our thriving community has been around for over a year now, and it's great to see the relationships and bonds that have formed during this time.

Like with any community, there are challenging times. There can be times when people don't see eye-to-eye, things are said and misunderstood, or perhaps someone feels unheard or they may feel disrespected. Or maybe there are particular members, or conversations on the Forums that push your buttons. Experiencing challenges within a community is a very normal part of relationship building.

So I thought that it might be helpful to discuss some strategies about what you can do to look after yourself on the Forums? Perhaps some of our community guides may have some advice on this? @Mazarita @Crazy_Bug_Lady @Appleblossom @Former-Member @Jacques @PeppiPatty @chookmojo or other members @MoonGal @Neb @AlienBP2 @hiddenite @CannonSalt

I thought I'd start with some ideas first, but feel free to add to to this and expand on it. These are just some examples of things you can do, not things that you must do.

- When a conversation goes off track: If you start a new discussion and you feel that it has been taken off topic, you can remind others what the conversation topic was originally about and suggest starting a new discussion elsewhere

- when you don't have the energy to provide support but need support for yourself: it's ok to have boundaries around support-giving when you may not be in a position to provide it. Sometimes, members will deliberately take some time out of the Forums to care for themselves, or they will avoid certain 'areas' on the Forums, and share with others what they are going through.

When someone that has posted something that is triggering for you: If you feel like it doesn't meet the community guidelines, contact the moderators for them to review it. Or share how, and why it has impacted on you with the person who has posted it.

- when someone says something that bothers you: seek clarification, and address the issues as the issue, don't make an issue out of the person.

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In response to: When things get tough here on the Forums

PeppiPattySenior Contributor07 Nov 2015, 4:25 am AEDT

Re: When things get tough here on the Forums

Sorry my silly computer sent that.
So can you reflect on positives vs neg on revealing posts.
We know we or our families arent going down in history for all our superstar achievements ..and when they do you will probably end rich enough to have hired a sneaky professional computer story changer to come to Sane Forums and pretend to be a cleaner while sneakily changing your stories around and change your name to Lorraine. No offence given ........

Xx

In response to: When things get tough here on the Forums

PeppiPattySenior Contributor07 Nov 2015, 4:35 am AEDT

Re: When things get tough here on the Forums

No offence given to anyone called Lorraine

In response to: When things get tough here on the Forums

MoonGalSenior Contributor07 Nov 2015, 9:14 am AEDT

Re: When things get tough here on the Forums

@CherryBomb re "Post-Regret" - yep, I just about regret saying everything I have said. I have only asked for one of my posts to be removed, and I was encouraged to leave it as it may have been helpful for other people and so I did have it reinstated, and am glad I did.

I skitter away into fright, or walk fearless where angels fear to tread. This is just part of the POLARITY of me, is that bipolar or is that just the way we are? Somedays strong, clear and fearless, somedays fragile, frailing and fearful. I bounce wildliy between the two.

Bit by bit across the forums have revealed already in just a few weeks some very personal information - but I do it in a spirit of sharing 'experience, strength and hope'.

In response to: When things get tough here on the Forums

Unknown userMember07 Nov 2015, 11:22 am AEDT

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AppleblossomSenior Contributor07 Nov 2015, 7:16 pm AEDT

Re: When things get tough here on the Forums

I do feel exposed ... but for some reason I have decided its my best option

I used to agonise and write and rewrite and leave notes for myself about what might be a good idea to say ... and in the past none of my care or concern seemed to manifest in good relations. Today I was relaxed and showed a some of my poems which were well received ... so still hoping that things can change.

Anger is an IMPORTANT topic I am glad that @Former-Member has raised it.

I believe it could work if anger is admitted and it is made clear it is not directed personally and the forum is not used as a an indiscriminate venting place ...

Not sure of the best approach I am very interested in others opinions about it.

I try with good intentions and hope.

In response to: When things get tough here on the Forums

Unknown userMember07 Nov 2015, 7:47 pm AEDT

Re: When things get tough here on the Forums

I can't see any problem with a venting thread so long as there are guidelines around it like there are for everywhere anyway 🙂 as appleblossoms said already shouldn't be about the forums or any individual person here and anonymity is maintained etc.
off topic I wonder if anger or dealing with strong emotions would be able to be a topic Tuesday subject? @CherryBomb @NikNik
Back on topic... I have had post post stress lol but usually because I think I've shared something too personal - however I think it's been good for me too 🙂
Lj

In response to: When things get tough here on the Forums

PeppiPattySenior Contributor07 Nov 2015, 8:53 pm AEDT

Re: When things get tough here on the Forums

Dear @Suess

@Former-Member @Appleblossom @MoonGal

Im going to swim against the current and ..... Ask if you can see my point of view.

I think that Sane Forums promotes compassion and seeing things on like a

Present
Compassionate
Caring
Non judgemental way

I'm mindful of where you are all coming from but since been researching my writings .... I've noticed the ...... Nasty cruelty that others write: not caring of others feelings.
My objective
Objective meaning ; 'non' No nasty

( Collins English Dictionary )
Feelings is that this forum shows us ways of dealing with situations in new ways.
Not old.
It's very difficult though to keep this new feeling. My h : I'm a fulltime carer and having a well deserved break first for 5 months and I'm feeling guilty !

Anyway this is my input to @Suess suggestion to different buttons. Ide say : write a note to a moderator:
Do what @chookmojo suggests and say I'm not clear on what your describing .......
Think good .......

Anne

In response to: When things get tough here on the Forums

PeppiPattySenior Contributor07 Nov 2015, 9:02 pm AEDT

Re: When things get tough here on the Forums

Ps ; I know my last few messages are not clear and I apologise.
My meds are everywhere
But they are getting sorted out
My h has not been in a good place
Arlo has had problems with his eyes
There is drama where I live
Which I've been writing letters to push change ( at last, good things are happening for someone which is very very good)

Some fantastic things have happened as well.
I was babysitting 2 little children but it got too difficult and what i did has been taken over by the right person.

In response to: When things get tough here on the Forums

Unknown userMember07 Nov 2015, 9:08 pm AEDT

Re: When things get tough here on the Forums

Hugs @PeppiPatty
You're amazing with everything you manage! Am glad you are getting a well deserved break 🙂

I'm not sure about the block buttons either but do like the idea of a rant/vent thread that is like the worry room, let it out and walk away. Not something necessarily for others to comment on

Xx
Lj

In response to: When things get tough here on the Forums

PeppiPattySenior Contributor07 Nov 2015, 9:54 pm AEDT

Re: When things get tough here on the Forums

Lj ,
I'm watching weird mostaches in America .... There's some crazy mo.s out there !
Yes to your message ..... Arlo and me thinks your cool
Anne

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