Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

seriously struggling right now

Eden1919Senior Contributor10 Jan 2018, 10:16 pm AEDT

seriously struggling right now

I dont know if anyone is around at the moment but i am having a super super super hard time and i really dont know what to do anymore. I have tried the crisis team, my case manager, kids helpline, suicide call back service, headspace an lifeline and nothing is working i have tried all my distractions and i feel horrible meds arent helping therapy isnt helping being around people isnt helping and everything is falling appart i have lost all hope and i feel like it is just a matter of when i end things not if.... i have actually completely run out of options even hospital didnt help there is nothing and no one left and i dont think i can keep doing this long term. i dont even know if anyone will read this anyway i dont even know what i am asking.

30 replies

1 - 10 of 30

1 2 3

In response to: seriously struggling right now

Unknown userMember10 Jan 2018, 11:24 pm AEDT

Re: seriously struggling right now

Hi @Eden1919

I am not sure if we have spoken before or not, my short term memory isn't great!

I don't have any answers for you, feel a bit the same way myself. But I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and I hear you and understand.

Will be on for a bit longer if you want to chat or can just be.

In response to: seriously struggling right now

utopiaSenior Contributor10 Jan 2018, 11:33 pm AEDT

Re: seriously struggling right now

@Eden1919 - did something specific happen today?
You are sounding more distressed today than I normally see you.
I'm here if you would like to talk.

In response to: seriously struggling right now

utopiaSenior Contributor11 Jan 2018, 6:17 pm AEDT

Re: seriously struggling right now

How are you doing tonight @Eden1919

In response to: seriously struggling right now

Phoenix_RisingSenior Contributor11 Jan 2018, 9:06 pm AEDT

Re: seriously struggling right now

Hi @Eden1919,

It sounds like you are trying super super hard to get some help and yet nothing is really helping. That is such an awful space to be in. I know how scary it can be to run out of options.

As @utopia said, has something specific happened to make things extra hard at the moment? What sort of support do you feel would be most helpful?

In response to: seriously struggling right now

Eden1919Senior Contributor13 Jan 2018, 12:20 am AEDT

Re: seriously struggling right now

Thanks @Former-Member and @utopia and @Phoenix_Rising it is not so much that something in particular happened I am just very aware now that I have nothing left my head my whole body my whole being is SCREAMING, crying, begging for it to all stop for my head to just be quiet for even a second but there is only more screaming day after day after day..... it hurts so much inside and I don't feel like I am human anymore I feel like I am rotting from the inside out festering away where no one can see it. Nothing has been fixed nothing can be fixed and I don't want to do this forever I can't do this forever I am at a constant war with myself and the thing in my head I am struggling with food I am struggling to do anything and yet I have this weird drive to put all my energy to destroying myself...... nothing seems to matter anymore and I love things I really do but I feel those things are better off without me. I can feel it calling though creeping up on me from behind whispering to me telling me to end it all nothing can or will stop it. It has been after me for years it is all coming back now all of it and I am so incredibly scared that if anyone finds out I am done for if they knew I couldn't live with the consequences I only have one option left to go with it into the darkness I can't take this and I am too scared of the so called helpers I can't I only have once option now it is just up to when.

In response to: Re: seriously struggling right now

Unknown userMember13 Jan 2018, 12:23 am AEDT

Re: seriously struggling right now

hugs @Eden1919 - im so sorry things are so hard right now. Glad you are able to write it out here and let it out somehow and hoping that it helps a little tiny bit. I can relate to alot of what you are writing tonight and feel similarly lost though i know in different ways. i wish there was a magic wand we could use... keep reaching out and please call the helplines if things get too much or you're not feeling safe though. 😞 hugs

In response to: seriously struggling right now

Eden1919Senior Contributor13 Jan 2018, 12:29 am AEDT

Re: seriously struggling right now

@Former-Member thanks the helplines have told me not to call them because I am too much work. It doesn't matter anyway I have decided I just need to pick a date. There is no other way anymore and I can't trust my mental health professionals anymore it is not safe nothing is safe.

In response to: Re: seriously struggling right now

Unknown userMember13 Jan 2018, 12:40 am AEDT

Re: seriously struggling right now

Hi @Eden1919,

Just wanted to let you know that I am moderating until 7am and I'm here if you need extra support or want to chat here or via email.

I'm concerned to read that you feel so low tonight and have strong suicidal thoughts. You have a heavy burden on your shoulders and I would encourage you to try and rest tonight. Nothing has to be done tonight, just you taking care of yourself.

What can you do to unwind a bit and move away from your worrying thoughts?

kind regards,

Frog

In response to: seriously struggling right now

Eden1919Senior Contributor13 Jan 2018, 12:42 am AEDT

Re: seriously struggling right now

@Former-Member I will try and sleep for now idk I just feel very hopeless and scared.

In response to: Re: seriously struggling right now

Unknown userMember13 Jan 2018, 1:00 am AEDT

Re: seriously struggling right now

Yep I understand Eden, it's pretty shite 😞

Just know that you are not alone. A lot of people care about you and want you to stay safe.

Try not to mull over the bad thoughts. They are just thoughts and may not happen. Or with past events, you can tell yourself: that's in the past, I can't change it but I can change the way I think about it now.

Do you have some relaxation music you can listen to? Or some people like talkback radio.

Hope you can get some sleep,

Frog

1 - 10 of 30

1 2 3