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A deep dark hole :(

A deep dark hole :(

I keep trying to get out of this deep dark hole but getting nowhere. I have so many questions about everything. I have only recently found out I have BPD, along with PTSD which comes from my back injury and chronic pain. I suffer from anxiety and clinical depression also due to constant pain. I have been on the same medication for many yrs to treat the depression which hasn't worked and I'm afraid to change to something else as the wait for it to work could drive me to do something bad. I am so agitated and angry most of the time. I am now finding that I don't care about anything and I'm scared that I will blow a fuse next time I see my GP as he never seems to have time for any more than one thing at a time. I always said I was glad I only had depression but little did I know and now it's raising its ugly head full on. My daughter is a nurse and working long hours but she picks up on my mental status straight away and tells me gee mum your angry, but that seems normal for me now. I feel like I want to run away but don't know what I may do, I'm scared of what the future holds. I hope that what I am saying here makes sense as my head is very messy. I want to cry all the time, curl up in a ball and just stay there. Sorry to vent all this to you lovely people who all deserve to be happy. I could write a book on my life that is full of horrible stuff but I haven't got the energy to do that right now. God Bless

26 replies

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In response to: A deep dark hole :(

Re: Our Island

Hello @Maggie. Thankyou for your message. I have 2 german shepherds. My lifeline. Mental Health Paradise Island is open to all pets as well as their owners. The island wouldn't be the place to go if there weren't any furry friends. I have BPD, PTSD, cronic insomnia, severe depression and I have panic attacks about 5 to 10 days a day. The island has beautiful clear blue water surrounding it and lovely white sand. Palm trees and hammocks everywhere. You're more than welcome.

In response to: Re: Our Island

Re: Our Island

@DeeDee2 My little fur baby is a chihuahua lol,my lifeline also. Well this island sounds inviting, I might move in, sand, palm trees.

I have DID, PTSD, severe depression and anxiety plus panic attacks. Haven't slept in years.

I wonder how the shepherds and chihuahua would get on. My girl is very fragile. She had a hard start before I found her, but it's affected her badly. I'm the only person she allows near.

Thanks for the warm welcome.

In response to: Re: Our Island

Re: Our Island

Hello @Maggie. I am really sorry but I don't know what DID is. I tried to google it but couldn't find it. My island has been many many years in the making. When everything is just too hard I shut my mind off and go to the island. I don't have any friends and I am almost completely housebound. Before I fell into the black hole I have backpacked through India Thailand and Indonesia. I have seen some really beautiful places and my island is made up of the best places that I have visited. Unfortunately I think that my dogs would eat yours. They are so gentle around me but I can't see them being nice to anyone else. I love them so much because they protect me and won't ever let anyone hurt me again.

In response to: Re: Our Island

Re: Our Island

@DeeDee2 I'm housebound apart from medical appointments, friends....no.....none of them, all walked, plus the husband. He dropped me off at the mental health ward, never seen him since, don't want to either. I shop online and love it.

Backpacking through India, Thailand and Indonesia sounds both beautiful and challenging. I have only done one back pack, the milford track in NZ. Fair nearly finished me off. Apparently it's beautiful, I was in too much pain to notice. Blisters and brushes from borrowed boots and pack.

DID is Dissociative Identity Disorder, previously called Multiple Personalities. Please don't hold this against me, as with all MI, I'm working with it.

Lets keep the dogs separated as my girl is my lifeline as are yours to you.

Its a very hot one here in Tassie, 34, very unusual for us.

The island is a nice place to visit, thank you for the welcome.

In response to: Re: Our Island

Re: Our Island

Hello again @Maggie. Here in Adelaide it's 41 today and going to be 42 tomorrow so 34 sounds like a cool change. I would never judge anyone let alone someone else who shares my unfortunate life. Hang on .....I do judge Donald Trump. He is just rediculous. How did a moron get elected head of a country filled with morons...hang on I think that I just worked it out. Obama is such a lovely man. Go to google and put in Obama singing Amazing Grace and then look at what a goose Trump is. I have never met anyone with DID. You are my first. If you would like to talk about some of your issues I would be more than willing to listen well write actually..See you on the island. There's a hammock with your name on it.

In response to: Re: Our Island

Re: Our Island

@DeeDee2 I'm sitting in my hammock, very early, before another heat wave hits again today. 34 expected. I have no idea what 41/42 feels like, but believe me, I don't want to know.

Im feeling the sea breeze drifting over the island.

I hope you are doing okish, as I have a thread I'm working on, I won't go into my DID explosions here, thank you for non judgements, hang on, Trump is somewhere in there. You being the Trump fan that you are.!!!!!

Keep cool if you can.

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