A deep dark hole :(

Hello @Bubbles3. Thank you for sending me a kind message. I was active on Sane until last September but I went into hibernation when my gallblader ruptured and of course I blamed myself for everything and went into a very place because I couldn't do anything. Self loathing is one aspect of BPD that keeps me awake at night so if I send messages at 3am, it's the cronic insomnia

Hi there @DeeDee2 I certainly understand that when we are in those dark holes it is so hard to even turn the computer on let alone post or read anything. I get so mad at myself when I'm like that, I feel I should be able to lift myseslf out of that pit. I must say it's not helping with me trying to get some weight off when eating makes me feel better, but, only while I'm eating. I have been really good and lost 7kgs but like everything else how long can I last. I really hope you have been having some good days. I hope we all have good days more so than not. I have not been feeling right for a few days now and my daughter came to visit the other day but I was so short with her which left me feeling even worse. I'm sure she understands but still I wish I didn't take my frustration and anger out on her and behave like a total turd. Much love xx

Hello to you too @Heavenbound. I have been feeling down lately. Life on the island isn't as good as it could be. I want the world to stop for a while. America's president is going to blow up the world and yet people call us crazy. Every time I hear his name I get feelings of anger. He hates foreigners yet he's married 2 and the current wife can hardly speak english and to me she looks so sad. Well I understand why. She married a bully, but then again so did I. With regards to your daughter, be glad that she is in your life. It's so very very very hard to explain what is happening inside our heads. Only people like you and me and others can understand. I can talk to you all day every day and we get it but others think there is something fundamentally wrong. I hope that on Mental Health Paradise Island the water is crystal clear and the weather is perfect ( not good in Adelaide, going to be 41 on Thursday....too hot to do anything) and people on the Island are all relaxed and happy that all the people there understand what life is really about. Hope to hear from you soon.

Hello to you too @Heavenbound. I have been feeling down lately. Life on the island isn't as good as it could be. I want the world to stop for a while. America's president is going to blow up the world and yet people call us crazy. Every time I hear his name I get feelings of anger. He hates foreigners yet he's married 2 and the current wife can hardly speak english and to me she looks so sad. Well I understand why. She married a bully, but then again so did I. With regards to your daughter, be glad that she is in your life. It's so very very very hard to explain what is happening inside our heads. Only people like you and me and others can understand. I can talk to you all day every day and we get it but others think there is something fundamentally wrong. I hope that on Mental Health Paradise Island the water is crystal clear and the weather is perfect ( not good in Adelaide, going to be 41 on Thursday....too hot to do anything) and people on the Island are all relaxed and happy that all the people there understand what life is really about. Hope to hear from you soon.

Good mid-Morning @DeeDee2 I Loved your last post about America's president it really gave me a laugh. I do believe you are politically correct lol so are we really crazy? I think not 🙂 I know I need to be mindful of my daughter and I in no way want to hurt her. She does understand my mental problems and she would come to the Dr's with me and my psychiatrist as she explains what I am going through and what's happening better than I do. She is working a lot now ( she is a nurse ) so I miss that support. I am happy she is in my life I just find it hard at times to try and act normal. I was once good at putting a mask on but of late it is not working. I hope and pray you are having a good day, whatever that is. I need to get off my pc and do something constructive in the house, wow that is hard, to say the least. Much love xxx and take care.

Hi, @DeeDee2 sorry I haven't spoken/text to you in awhile so I hope you are surviving on our Island. I am not really sure of the nature of things we should not mention because of trigger points so have really been trying to use my words right. There is so much going on with me I could write a book. I married my hubby when I was young and for about 23 yrs he was violently abusive to me. I left a few times over those yrs but he caused so much trouble for my family and of course me too so I always ended up going back. I left him finally in the end and we divorced. We were apart for 10 yrs and the last 7 of those we never had contact. You wouldn't believe it but at that 10 yr point, we re-married. He has not raised a hand to me since that but he is so controlling that he doesn't even like it if my daughter takes me to the shopping centre. With all the rest of my MI problems, I am at my wit's end. I would move out only I don't know if I have the strength to do it on my own anymore. There have been times I have seen anger in his eyes if I say something he doesn't like and that scares me. So it's good to be on our Island and feel safe. Enough of my ranting! I shall leave that alone, needed to get it off my chest. I hope you have been ok and seeing some ray's of the sun, it has been hot here last 2 days and more to come. Hope to catch up with you to see how your doing....Hugsss my friend.

Hello @Heavenbound. I just re-read your last message to me and I have so much understanding of where you are at. I sometimes think that mental abuse is as bad as physical abuse. I had the physical when I was married to an alcoholic man. Now I live with a man who treats me like an idiot which I can assure you that I'm not. Thank god I have the island. I have made a promise to my wonderful GP that I won't do anything because he says he would miss fhe time he spends with me each fortnight talking about books, politics, and making rediculous jokes at peoples expense. I spend the rest of the fortnight on our island. I have a passion for current affairs and being a Socialist there is a lot to be passionate about. I don't understand why women like us put up with the crap that we do BUT being 65 years old it is really difficult to start over. I did it when I left my husband many years ago but I was younger and my head was in a better place. The island is ours. We don't allow anybody who will interfere with our mental health. The terrible thing is that there are so many people who need to find our island. They are drowning before they reach us. I hope this will help anyone out there to find us on the island and start to talk to us. I'm here if you want to talk.

Hi @Heavenbound@DeeDee2 ive just read your thread and can identify with so much. The black hole, abusive husband, now divorced and most definately Mr Trump. Lol. I live alone now with a little rescue dog. The island is growing. Take care of yourselves.