rough time

What makes you think you're becoming a monster? That's not you and will never be you. Your mind is taunting you. Don't listen to it's lies. You know your true worth. You are a beautiful, kind, caring, sensitive person who would never hurt others because you care too much. Your forum family knows who are, and you are nothing but amazing.

@outlander

i get cranky easy, and irritated, i dont have any interest in people offline even though i know i should. i feel awful because everyone i meet offline always wants something from me, and if i cant then its see you later and they leave or they get upset or angry at me, sometimes i just want to meet people without having expectations placed upon me. here i get to have just normal conversations and laugh, and share pics etc , its something id like offline too.

i feel like such a monster because i literally cant make friends, my family dont like me. im good at clearing the room 😞

it feels like that caring nature that people talk about is slipping away..

i have so many doubts that i will get through this. @Sans911

@outlander

You're in a really difficult position right now where you're kinda stuck. And the environment you're in is especially invalidating and harsh. You're always attending to others demands and needs, and you find it hard to say no to them. And please don't take this out of context, but whether you realise it or not, you probably say yes to others, hoping they'll be appreciative and you'll win their approval, but that's not so. They've got they want and they don't care they've just trampled all over your feelings. That speaks volumes of the kind of people they are.

Here on the forums of course you get validation, you get love, you get approval. Not because we all can, but because we understand what it's like to have all those things and more taken so carelessly from us. And also because we are real, vulnerable, caring, thoughtful people. We don't take, and not give back. We also value you as a person. You are truly are among people here who like you for you. Who want to get to know you, and interact with you.

You won't ever loose the caring side of you. I've worked as a nurse for 20 years, and through all the BS I have put up with, the bullying and taunting, the whispers and lie, I am more caring than before. Because I know what it feels like when you feel no one cares.

When you can step out of that environment, and put some distance from it, you will find people who will care about you. They won't take advantage of you. Your relationships will be rich and rewarding.

In the meantime, although it's not perfect, you know how much you're valued and loved here. I can't speak for others, but I truly love you like a little sister. I've never had one, and my older sisters had lives and troubles of their own, so they never looked for me. Only my brother did.

But I love how intelligent you are, you're funny, you're wise beyond years, you're caring and kind to so many, you have so much potential in you life that you can't see yet, but I can. And you've never given up, no matter how hard it gets.