rough time

Helplines dont help for this @Sans911 ive tried quite a few times when it wasnt at this extent but they just tell me to do what ive already done and keep doing it over again until iit helps.

I dont know why its different this time. Maybe because its the both of them tonight. Maybe because of the weekend and my brain accumulating everything that might be wrong for every person ive spoken to since then. Lack of sleep...



Pops had his flu vaccine he isnt sick except for a headache which is gone now but i cant seem to stop the thoughts


Sisters been fine all day playing etc and was fine when she got home it was only after dinner which is why mum said it might be that as theres no other symptoms (not temps, drinking fine) except for a stomach ache atm.

I have control issues well sort of. I like to be able to help and have even abit of control but i dont. I am sitting on my hands because i cant and for pop theres no need because the headaches gone.

I honestly dont know what i would say to them. Id probably be worrying about what problems they have to the way my head is right now.

Sorry @Bella1978 its not you it is me 😞
Thank you for your help. I hope tomorrow is ok for you ❤

When was the last time you used your worry box @outlander? Could you go and put these worries down on paper, put all these we've been talking about, as well as you feel like your loosing control over things, then put it away?

Then can you go wash your face, do your teeth, etc and prepare yourself for bed if you haven't done so already? After you have put the worry away, you'll need to keep repeating to yourself, 'I can't worry about what I can't control. I have to get some sleep tonight and hope by tommorrow things are different'.

Do you think you can do these things?

I havent used that in a while @Sans911 but i can give it ago. Im already in bed so wont need to do the other things. How can i get my heart to stop beating do fast? I guess itll stop when i get my breathing under control again
Ill go do the worry box now though

Ok @Sans911 ive done the worry box

Well done lil Sis @outlander

How are you feeling now?

I actually feel abit better @Sans911 the thoughts are still there but they arent as loud now. They are all screaming al at the same time at me. I just have to work abit more on the physical side to calm abit asits set off my stomach and hand pain but i know what thats from tonight and i already put those in my worry box to.

While i do that for a few minutes. Can you write how your going? And how your day went? Please.. and if you have any troubles happy to hear those too.

It helped talking to you too
You have a way with my brain i think , when it comes to thinking likr a nurse so to speak. It almost like getting out of my head and into another mode to.

I'm pleased to hear you say that @outlander. Really pleased. So if this happens again or something similar, you've got to get to that worry box early ok? Big hugs my angel. Very proud that you listened to me and went to do that.

Do you know how wonderful you are? You're such a beautifully kind and caring person. In the middle of your own worries you still want to know how I am. That's such a lovely thing to do. You will go far in your life @outlander. I have no doubt about that.

I'm alright tonight. When I did my treadmill challenge walk earlier today for suicide prevention, I did a live fb feed. I've never done it before, so I messed it up a little but I got it right the next time. And for the first time ever, I publicly stated that I have lived experience. I've not been able to do that with most of my family or friends but I thought how can I make suicide prevention important yet leave my experience out? I didn't say much at all, just a couple of words really. But the amount of support from friends and family has been amazing and I'm really grateful for that.

The movie was good, and for once I actually laughed out loud at some scenes. I watched many comedies of late but I've not been able to laugh at them.

In the last couple of days I have had some nice conversations with a few people that have said that they're inspired by my spirit and thoughtfulness of others. But I get a lot out of my volunteer work. It helps me so much when I can help others to feel at ease and be comfortable and accepted.

So tonight I feel people in my rl do care about me more than I give them credit for. That's helped me in the last couple of days. It doesn't make everything magically dissappear and life is wonderful, but I at least feel a little more comfortable with my MI.

@outlander - I've taken my meds lil Sis so I'd love to hear from you before I go to sleep