rough time

lol @MDT i only come back online 2 days ago. i dont think you were online at the time either.

seen its cloudy day with quiz notes on the horizon, good luck for tomorrow (i think you said)

Yesterdays appointment went for almost 45 mintues. I ended up logging on halfway through as she was trying to get the printer to work so was kinda an awkward silence.

Anyway a lot was discussed. I was extremly nervous and as expected stumbled for words but we talked about medications, support, sleep and hospital. Ill just go through them one at a time as there was a lot talked about

we talked about hospital and more support, I brought that up first. I hadnt seen her in geez months so I thought it mightve been better to talk about that before anything else as I know it wouldve changed the medication outcomes etc. she said that she is glad that I went to hospital though she thinks I shouldve stayed there longer. We talked about the ditress I get when I go there and after 2 days I start to go downhill in there as im stressing for outside. I asked if I could increase my supports to her and come once a week- and she said thats fine and if I need to come more but cant get a hold of her there is the other gp I was with before. I cant seem to tell people, it comes across better in my mind if I ask first and find it easier to communicate if I ask. We even spoke about the other gp and I told her my reasons I was really weary of seeing her again and that was I was finding it hard to communicate with her because of the constant hospital threat looming over my head and she said thats ok I can continue coming to see her but that option is there if I get stuck. She agrees with me coming to see her once a week (if not more) and I told her of the mh team plans and she said that she thinks that a good idea as well.

We spoke of the MHCP and I cant get a new one until mid february so she said she wants to keep me seeing her or the psych team until then at least twice a week- one of each. I also told her of my current psychologist and whats was happening there and the reason I stopped going and she said that it doesnt seem we are a good match and even made a joke about getting their qualifications off the back of a cornflake box, lightening the mood which was good!

She also renewed my psychiatrist referral as its nearly finished now.

So far in regards to medications, I have decreased my antidepressants. I requested this as its really casuing havoc with weight gain and in turn is making my physical stuff play up. She has given me a script for sleeping tablets, I can only take them 3 times a week though. She said this is because people become addicted to them and they actually need authorisation from higher up to be prescribed so can only be given in small doses and I only have 5 days worth there. She said at least one day in between each dosages so since I took them last night I cant take them tonight.

She also finally spoke to my psychiatrist about my mood stablisers and ive started those as well and these arent a weight gain and is suppose to work well with the antidepressants that im on. The only problem with these onces are again she had to ring for higher up to get them prescribed but also I need monthly liver function testing as it can cause liver damage. She wants to be very careful more so because im sensitive to change both inside and out and as ive basically been constantly unwell all yr my body would be taking a toll on the inside as well.

So all new medication changes. She is being very weary of how much medications shes giving me as in basically only a weeks worth at a time because of the ED admission. I dont blame her, I dont even trust me atm. The less temptations the better.

Ummm I think that is all of it......

so over the day ive managed to update my safety plan, get my medications sorted (or at least started) and am trying to accept the help offerred and trust and have some faith in my mh professionals which is really hard and scary. i see the psych team tomorrow morning- i havent met any of these ones yet. i know where i have to go though so thats a good start.

@Former-Member@Former-Member@Bunniekins@Sans911@Former-Member@Former-Memberand everyone

edit: i forgot to add the cyst was also drained. still feeling pretty sore but kinda better as well. relieved i guess. not a huge amount of pain just uncomfortable and its still draining itself so having to change dressings atm too

good luck for tomorrow and enjoy the peace and quiet while you can @MDT

i have to go for now everyone, my mother is putting a huge amound of pressure on me to attend my sisters party this morning full of friggin screaming kids and more than likely ill have to help and im not feeling that well nor do i want to go around all those kids. they have like 5 people plus the adults to help. i dont see why they need me and ive tried 3 times already this morning to get out of it but the msgs just keep on coming. this is the times i wish i had a prn med too.

@outlander Sounds like a really positive appointment. I am so happy things appear at least for the moment to be slowly coming together for you at long last outlander. Let us all hope it continues xx

@outlander What if you just said no? What would your mum say?

@outlanderwhat you've written up here is a classic example of your self awareness

it's great that you are able to share all of that in such a detailed way because it can actually help you process a good deal of info

the MHCP is always a bugger.. i had to pay full price in excess of 150 bucks per session for about half of the year last year. Most of the MHCP was used on psychologists who i didn't even like.. probably doing more harm than good. But I guess that's what happens on this journey of mental health. Your doc was right about the qualifications thing. My psych was saying something similar to me last week - especially when they take what you say and try to relate it to something they have or did in their own life. It's unprofessional. Honestly, sometimes I felt like I could do a better job. Some of them don't even let us say what we want to about anything. Total honesty is best imo but I guess that's just my view.

Meds are always tricky because they are changing and interacting with our brain chemistry. Always remember that our brains are basically a mixture of chemicals interacting. It takes a while for meds to work and getting a balance is tricky. I am on my 3rd type of medication and they are acting in combo with the other. Even decreasing the dosage by losing half of one tablet makes a huge difference. So you gotta remember that you are doing what you can! Good on you for keeping it up!

Having trust in the professionals is something I struggle with as well. It's like trying to establish the balance between the light and dark sides of the force (sorry star wars reference 😛 ). You want your privacy but you want to get help. A protip of advice for you @outlander and that is only ever give them the information you are happy sharing. That goes for anything in life too btw. Always remember you are never under any obligation to tell anyone anything ever. Have that as your start point and gradually break that down a bit when you need to. I think it is better than telling everyone everything all the time. Slowly by building trust and rapport with people in your professional healthcare circles is essential. I've only just told my psych about issues about my dad that i saw in regards to his sexuality. Big stuff, but only when I am comfortable about it.

Overall it sounds like you have been on a pretty intense trip lately.

Take care of yourself and also pace yourself at your sisters party. Screaming kids are a nuisance, but always remember distraction is powerful. I remember having to do that 2 years back when i was tutoring young kids at a school. OMG THEY NEVER STOP lol

take care!