rough time

yeh i guess so @Zoe7 its hard to interpret people or for me anyway. and no she barely knows anything. basic stuff really. she doesnt know much about my family or the roles i play, just the family tree and abit of the therapy history, and the dog incident atm. every time i go there she changes what we are doing and by the sounds of it she will again. ATM shes been asking alot of questions including straight up in the first session about my sh, attempts and hospitalisations, then talked about BPD traits, PTSD traits, working out triggers and ordering them and sounds like alot of assessing! its only been 3 sessions but time is limited until things will be really stretched and she knows that too as she keeps saying it. in a way i feel really rushed and panic about what to say because there is so much so by picking the one incident at least its a focal point and can just work on that rather than a thousand things all at once....

It sounds like she is doing exactly what is needed despite the limited time @outlander - that is - not rushing you but knowing there is also only so much you can cover in the time you have - that is the limitations of the system I am afraid. Are you under MHCP? If you are there is a provision for more than the intial 10 sessions and do you have private cover?

hopefully @Snowie but if not i can go for my loan in june so can use that as well and use my savings until in between that and keep working that way it just wont be as often. ill work something out though but wont worry about that as yet. my main focus is now and getting through the end of march and april and sorting through appts etc.

one thing im getting to happen is i need to have a big cleanup at our house so am saving for a big skip bin and organising a group of guys coming in and clearning my back and front yard. its not all that expensive and the guys have said a few cases of bear between themm (theres 6 so will get done all in 1-2 days) and they are happy. alot cheaper than removalists ive just got to save the money for a skip bin. a huge source of my anxiety is my house so money well spent in my eyes. that is one of the topics id like to talk to mum about most of the mess is actually from her shed when the pipe burst and ruined everything so i think its fair if she put abit towards helping.

but atm just getting through tonight. i forgot all my meds including the one for my stomach so will take them all in the morning when i get home.

yep im under the MHCP @Zoe7 i need to qualify for the extra session and im not sure my gp is aware of them. when i asked her even about the extra 5 sessions she said she doesnt think so, so might need to bring that up with her when it gets a little closer. ive got 7 sessions remaining so aroudn 2 months. no i dont have private health cover. i thought about getting it but its pretty expensive atm it might be worth looking into though even if it starts off expensive.

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@outlanderwrote:

"I had ideas on what to do with you but theres more to you and I cant work out what it is. She said maybe its within but she isnt sure. She said I (as in me) understand the concepts shes putting across and I have all these strategies to use but........hmm im not to sure...... " then went onto something else

she was really hesitant in syaing that particularly the part where she said i understand and i have all these coping strategies to use but...." when we were talking when that popped up i was talking about these things and because i am good at being self aware now ive had alot of people question me about it and if im 'lying. maybe its just me but it was the hesitation when she was saying i have all these strategies but.. and then didnt finish that train of thought and then started writing something down.

we often have awkward silences but that is often on my behalf because she will say something i never know if shes actually finished talking or no and then ill go to say something then she will start again.

@Zoe7

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@outlander At the risk of stating the obvious, it sounds like your psychologist recognises that there is something big that you aren't telling her - i.e. the SA. It is of course absolutely your choice whether you tell her or not. However, she isn't psychic so she can only work with what you give her. It sounds to me like she really wants to help you as best she can, but if you don't give her all the puzzle pieces, she can never put the full picture together.

@outlanderwell hopefully your mum puts in money for the house clean up. They lived there for quite awhile, so hopefully that conversation goes ok.

Hopefully you can get some sleep tonight

My thoughts exactly @Phoenix_Rising

@outlander talk to your psych about the extra sessions too and maybe she can speak to your gp

the SA isnt troubling me as much right now as home life/expectatations, my nan, physical things, and the dog accident is. i dont really want to talk about the sa at all and honestly regret telling anyone at all. i just want to move on from it @Phoenix_Rising

psych doesnt know about half the stuff yet including my home life yet and the roles i play in it, she doesnt know about my nan either.she barely knows anything.

thanks @Zoe7 ive made a note to ask them both about it and see what they say..

@Snowieim hoping so but will see... hoping you sleep too

@outlander I can hear that the SA isn't troubling you, but it is still a puzzle piece. And it sounds like there are lots of other puzzle pieces she doesn't know yet. So...it isn't that she's saying you're putting it on, it's that she's saying she wants to help you but in order to do that, she needs more information.

I am almost asleep here so I'll say goodnight now. It does sound like you have found a good psychologist there @outlander - one who actually WANTS to develop a solid case formulation and treatment plan rather than just throw coping strategies at you.

Night.