rough time

Hope today goes alrighy for both of you.💌

@Sans911 @outlander

Todays session- it went for just abit over an hr as I was abit late and she wanted to cover something.

Sans what you done with me last night did help, I really didnt want to go but thought I would and give it another go. I am still abit jumbly so im hoping this makes sense to you all

We talked about what I had written down (the triggers, the topics I struggle with the most, and unhealthy behaviours like avoidance and sh) we wont be covering one topic at a time now like it was said last session. No we are starting abit of truama work. She said before I even before I go into the trauma I need to be able to manage now and be stable and for more than a month at a time. She did ask me to describe which trauma and I said the dog incident as it would be nice to work on that- its been so long since I could even look at a dog without going into meltdown mode thats the main thing I want to change.

She asked what work I had done in the book and picked up my anxiety before I even opened the book and pointed it out and we talked abit about that and what it means

then she said despite the anxiety she wants me to read out all my triggers. I said dont you want to read them yourself she said no thats feeding the avoidance and I had to do it. So I done that, she found my anxiety peaks and then stuttering- I told her about that and she says I see what you mean now.

We then talked about one of my habits I have and she has labelled it and everytime I do it she is going to write it down and also point it out so I am more aware of it- bit embarrassed but all well.

She said that most of my triggers are from my trauma so we are going to work on some of those and managing some symptoms.

We spoke about a few BPD traits like relationship issues and communication- have trouble with both of those and set some goals for that

We talked about my supports and the mh system I was in- she said that is weird and dont know what happened there. Also spoke of how my family treats me she said hmm seems they have switched off to your needs no matter what I say or do. Also spoke abit about the previous psych I had and the way she worked with medicare and she said that is weird and not sure what she runs through- that set my anxiety off quite a lot esp since I told her a few things that I wouldnt just want someone to know so yeh thats a lot scary.

So the homework these next 2 weeks is she wants me to list my triggers from easier to harder and we will work with the slightly easier ones first before progressing to the next one or 2 at a time and she wants me to read my triggers list once a day no matter the anxiety that way itll become less overwhelming to look at.

So 8 sessions to go, she said speak to my gp about the extra 5 for chronic conditions but that might only be for physcial conditions. Im going to try and save and continue to see her once a month without the rebate so I can contiune working on it and not stop half way through.

I am feeling abit worried though with how ive been coping (she doesnt talk about that stuff for some reason) im not sleeping, have so much increased anxiety and extremes moods its giving me whiplash (not literally) im barely sleeping, and dont have much support in the way of in between sessions, and I am also no longer on medications which I realised just how much those meds had suppressed everything I was feeling.

@Former-Member@Sans911@Former-Member@Snowie( hope its ok to tag you guys)

thanks @Sans911

i have heard of that but i didnt know really what it is. ill ask my gp not that she listens to me anyway but can ask. she doesnt want me to talk about how im coping or how ive been going or how im going to cope. she just wants to work with that session at a time but with the triggers im assuming going off todays session. so go in talk about that trigger, explore it and i can already tell there will be homework involved.

we talked abit about studying and she said why not i explained to her about my concentration levels etc and she said if i has study materials there e.g i have a human anatomy and physiology book there but not enrolled in a course i can read that to "study" i might do that but im thinking that if i just get through the hard stuff first then ill be able to enrol and focus and do better. so my other idea is to do what you have taught/going to teach me with the DBT skills (if you need more help i can take pics of the book pages i have on that particular topic and show you it) i will use those to try and cope while going through therapy. itll put them skills to use while im learning them too and hopefully cope ok.

so in the form of coping i dont have that sort of support except for you guys on here and the skills i have learn/going to learn. i am super tired right about now, very headachy and headspins. i walked into a door earlier today - i dont usually walk into things i like to trip over the air and i dont usually swear- a few choice words come out. sleep deprivation is loveley isnt it.

i dont feel so great atm, feeling physically sick and mentally drained so am just watching abit of tv hoping pain relief kicks in soon. i do need to see my gp at some point as that scar i have in that very akward place is still tender and feels hard underneath it. i need to see my chiropractor because all that tossing and turning of a night has put my back out and my neck where its twisted has popped abit and has the buldge there meaning it needs to go back in and not just through physio exercises. and i have a wisom tooth coming through, the first corner of it has broken through the skin and can see the outline of the rest of it- oh joys only another 3 to go.

how did you go at your appts? how did Jasper go?

and thank you for the GIF and hugs (need them atm) i looked at the link-pity you cant upload them here but at least can see them quicker.

i have a feelings its going to get worse before it gets better but im hoping it helps. i want to get better, i dont want to be like this forever despite her saying that you cant get rid of mh issues and is a lifelong thing but i am going to try my very best to work with her and do what she tells me to do and be open to what she says to do.

@Former-Member hoping your walk went ok and it helped you abit, have you been seeing mnay brumbies?

@Former-Member Hi Li1 big hugs hunny I am so sorry you feel so trapped. I wish I could help other than say just words.... xxx