rough time

You ok babe? @Former-Member

Honey, that is a lot to be dealing with all at once. I know that it's really hard to see them and it bites that they still have such a hold over us, I really do. I hope that one day you will stop hating yourself for how seeing them makes you feel. It sounds like you have a lot of healing still to do and you are way to hard on yourself. At the end of the day we don't have worry about weather or not he saw you because we don't give a flying rats bottom about him in the sightless.

I am so sorry you felt like you could not share this with me last night. This is what i meant earlier when I said we needed to work out what we want going forward babe. Yes I was dealing with a lot, but because of the DID and the PTSD I am always dealing with a lot, but you where too. When I asked you last night about you, we had been talking about my crap for hours and you had shown me so such love and support even with what you had going on. But by the time I had asked you how you where I was done, I couldn't talk about me anymore and it was time it was turned to you. We wont always get it right, we will not always be able to there, to support but we can't decided weather the other one is up for, if the other one is stable enough for. Instead of asking how we are to work out where we are emotionally and mentally I think we go "ok they asked if we wanted share so therefore they must be ok" and then we have to be honest and respectful of where we are personally and if it's too much we have to tell each other.

Love and respect is what is going to help us both. Love, being there for each other when we can and respect, respect the others ability to judge weather they are up to hearing what we have to say and also respecting the fact that they might have to say no I can't today.

I love you my friend @Lee82

Yes my love, just a long bloody reply that's all

@Lee82

Tell me about it...lol

i just need a few minutes to process all of that. My mind isn't working so well today so please be patient with me.
before anything else I just need to know are you tired? I am very mindful that you have work again tomorrow and I want you to get some sleep. Please please let me know if you need to go. @Former-Member

I will bub, I promise.

@Lee82

It made me feel weak and vulnerable all over again. I felt like that child all over again. That's as far as I can go about telling you how I feel because if I go any further I fear the post will be taken away.

I agree that we need to respect that the other one is ready to listen when they say do you want to talk about it. I promise that if I can't cope I will let you know. I promise I will always be truthful in how I am feeling and if I can't cope with listening. Last night as much as I didn't want to talk about it because I knew you were hurting a lot I also wasn't ready to talk. It was way too raw and I felt I wouldn't be able to handle it. I wanted to shut it away and never speak about it thinking that if I didn't I would some how forget about it or it wouldn't be real.
I sometimes just feel like my s**t isn't important enough to talk about. I know that is wrong to think that way but I have found myself unworthy and not deserving for so long it is hard to think differently.

how are you feeling right now my beautiful friend? @Former-Member

Wish I could hug you right now. I am sorry that it was so very painful and that you weren't able to reach out to me. I wish you felt like you could and that you where ready because who knows together we may have been able to keep the SH monster away. Nat and I are working on inner child trauma and it is not easy stuff and the process of healing her is difficult because it requires me to give her the love, protection and support she never received. It doesn't take away the memories but it's about self love and being able to give that to your self. It's about forgiving anything that you believe was your fault.

your stuff, my stuff it's all important. But look at what you where shown when you where a child! Time and time again they told you that you where not worthy in what they did to you, how they spoke to and then they showed it again in all the things they didn't do for you. They didn't love you, protect you and support you. Your adult life really hasn't done much to undo it. There will come a time where you say stuff it, stuff them I am worthy, I do matter and I am worthy of love, support and protection.

Right now I am feeling ok (yes it has slipped from good) but while I was waiting for your reply I was getting ready for bed and well we both know how that goes.

What about you my love? I am worried that you maybe a little more anxious and scared then you are letting on. Where about a is the SH monster right now sweetie? @Lee82

I could really go a hug right now.
Yea definitely anxious honey and trying to control the urge but it's ok. For now it's ok. I have a massive headache that I haven't been able to get rid of all day. I have a few new feelings happening in me right now I just can't really describe it except to say it's very unsettling.
something happen babe while you were getting ready for bed? Do you need to get some rest beautiful? I'm really worried about the time. I don't want you to be tired tomorrow honey. @Former-Member

I'm sorry I didn't tell you last night babe. I really am. I was just trying to protect you in your fragile state hence why it took me so long to tell you about SH. I will make sure next time something like that happens I will tell you.
You are so gorgeous and I love you so much babe. You are way too good me babe. Way too good. @Former-Member

My darling, I am going to have to go soon and try an sleep. But I need you to remember that you are safe and you are most definitely loved and those monsters can't hurt you anymore. I know you try really hard to keep those thoughts at bay and not fail, but I need you try extra hard tonight. Try and remember what it was like on Monday morning and I was there for you and we talked it out, remember what it felt to have not fail and the strep you have in you can do it. Pay attention to your new feelings but stay safe with them.

Nothjng happen while getting ready for bed , like you bedtime and going to sleep

Doesn't guarantee you will have a restful night. It was a rough day and a session with the psychologist always makes stuff raw.

Days I go to work I am up at 5:30 so if you want to let me know when you if want I can sit with you for a while my love.

If I don't reply please don't worry I will have just fallen asleep. Love you 3000 beautiful