rough time

Thats really great to hear that you enjoy aged care. I can imagine it would be very rewarding. I hope that you can get back to enjoying it once again. Sometimes unfortunately work becomes a necessity more than anything else. Just like my job. I hate it with a passion I only go because if I don't I don't have enough money to pay the bills.

I am waiting for my boys to get home. They are on their way,

@Former-Member

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@Lee82 wrote:

Opening up about my feelings, emotions, thoughts and actions In The past made me lose everything I had. I am afraid that will happen again. I'm afraid that if I share too much that I will lose you either because you cant handle it anymore or because you left this world. I know that I don't have that much power over anybody that they would do that because of me however with what you are going through I just don't want to add anymore pain. I would never ever forgive myself if something happened to you. Last night was one of the scariest moments of my life when I didn't hear from you and I believe I was right in feeling that way because I think something happened for you too but I know we can't discuss it here. And I believe I had said something that may have contributed to what happened. I don't want t to ever do that again.

@Former-Member

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Back to this one, I need to say this and I really want you to hear it.

I am sorry that people have left because you where open and honest with them. But if they could leave you when you where being honest and vulnerable then they are not your people. No one who cares and I mean really cares about someone would be able to walk away. Most people like people for what they can get from them, it doesn't have to be materialistic things but things like time, attention, do you give them a sense of control, do they get a sense of being need, ect. Once you change the rules however once you start being different in your case being expressive of you needs it changes what they get from you and they change/walk away. You must understand that that is on them, that is their issues not yours.

If your BFF could walk away because of something you exh did/said then I am sorry she wasn't much of friend. You said it was through her persistence that you let her in and I could be wrong but that doesn't sound like she really had your best interest at heart. Sorry if that hurts my sweet I don't mean it too. My relationship with our BBF took a while to form into the amazing friendship it was and there where plenty of times we could have walked away but didn't. At one point exh1 banned her from their house and being under his control Izzy reluctantly told her. She was mad as hell and didn't speaks to us for weeks, but when she calmed down she came back to us, that is true friendship, that is someone not wanting to get something from someone.

No words can really make you believe that I am here for the long haul, no words can really have you understand that I am not going to walk away when it gets tough or dark. You have too much evidence that shows you that is just what people do to you. So I hope that in time, my actions can have you see that I am staying, I am listening, I care about you and in time I hope all that shows you that you are not only loved but loveable and worthy of my time, support, compassion, friendship and love.

@Lee82 I care about you more than I thought even possible please know this. 💙

Before I reply to that message. If you don't hear from me for a while it's because exh is here. I will get back to you though as soon as I can. Just don't want you to worry.
@Former-Member

I know you probably won't see this before him but be strong my love. @Lee82

I just wrote a whole message to you replying to your message and it all disappeared..🤬🤬..the boys just got here.

@Former-Member

Are you ok my love @Lee82

I know you are busy but now that I am here waiting my love @Lee82

I gave all my friends and family all of me....I was there for them when they fell, I was there to babysit to help with anything. I spent time with them. I loved them whole heartedly. I supported them through everything but the moment I fell and I fell hard I had no one to catch me. I wasn't worth their time or support. I wasn't worth the hassle. They just put their hands up on the air and they walked away. Most believed my abusers and took their side and the others just didn't care.

With my bff that is exactly what happened. She caught my exh cheating on me the first time and she tried telling me but I wasn't strong enough to confront him and part of me didn't want to believe it. Exh hacked into my fb account and read our messages. He was furious about what she was saying and made me tell her that I am not to see her anymore. I fought so hard for her to talk to me but she just left. Not long after this I was hospitalised and she told me she was going to step back for a while at the time I needed her the most but she never came back.

I am so very scared of losing your friendship. It means so much to me. Since my bff I have kept everyone at a distance so this is very new to me. Especially how quickly we have become so close. You know more about me then even my bff did. I love you so very much my friend. I do not want to lose you.
@Former-Member