rough time

Sorry Lee, I had to find her reading glasses, she never uses them and she should. Also had to chat with D1 as she is feeling a bit upset that D2 has decided to move out. For me it's just a process of getting use to being "present" as I normally don't leave the head. Still sitting outside on the porch under Izzy's weight blanket as I can still feel all of the bodies anxiety.

Can you please tell me how you are? Like I said you seem to be rather important to them and I just want to know that you are ok. @Lee82

@Former-Member why isn't Izzy ok? I'd love to talk to U. Tell me why she isn't ok.

She is just dealing with some pretty intense inner child issues and they have cause her to have a complete meltdown.

How are you @Lotusgirl

I promise I am safe. Please tell me how you are right now. I am really really worried about you.
@Former-Member

I can really feel the love they have for you and I can feel Nikki's frustration that you are being dismissive of your own feeling. I promise not to nag if you prefer not to talk to someone you don't know but I am also concerned for you @Lee82

Please believe me that I am/they are safe. They are certainly in a bad way their emotions are all over the place. I am not sure what Nikki did to you that was so bad but she is still feeling terribly guilty and is quiet unrealisticlly terrified. The bonus of switching out is that while the "alters" that have had a meltdown fall back the one that steps forward can completely function like nothing happened. That aspect has cause Izzy enormous issues over the years. So while I can feel/sense their emotions they don't really effect me. I am astounded however at the level of commitment Nikki has to you. I am not sure if you are aware Nikki is our protector, she gets close to no one, she doesn't get emotionally attached and the only emotion she displays normally is rage, not hot headedness, not anger she jumps straight into rage. So for her to be feeling love, compassion even the remorse/regret she is feeling around what she did to you is downright amazing. I am sure Izzy's counsellor would call that a step forward. Please can you reassure me that you are fine, well let's say you need to convince Nikki that your ok.

@Lee82 , my name is Kimberly, sorry I didn't introduce myself probably straight up

@Former-Member ok is there something I can do to help her?

Has she discussed my OCD with you ? I just want to discuss it with you briefly if it's ok

Sweet of you to ask @Lotusgirl ,

but there is nothing. I quickly found where you where chatting with Izzy last so yes I am aware of your OCD

Hi Kymberly. I don't want any of you to be feeling guilty because you haven't been there for me. That is just not true. Me being able to open up about everything I have to you all has been a great help in a way I don't really know how to explain except to say it has made me feel less alone. It has made me feel loved and cared for. It has made me feel less like a crazy person. They have done sooooooo much for me. I care deeply and strongly about you all and my love for you is overwhelming. I wish that Nikki could see that she has not done anything wrong and I wish Izzy could see that she has not abandoned me. All Nikki did was express her feelings in a way probably she ain't use to and that's what feels so foreign. I am glad she shared those feelings with me because it shows me that she is in pain and I want to help as much as I can. She was just being honest and you can't be angry at being honest. Please I hope she is able to see this post and know that I am ok. I am safe. I did have a panic attack before that's why it took so long to get back to you but I want Nikki and Izzy to know that it wasn't because of anything they said. I was just triggered by a memory that for some f**ked up reason keeps popping into my head.
I want Izzy to know that she hasn't let me down. She has been by my side every step of the way. I want her to know that stepping away for a moment is a good thing because I know that means she needs time out and is trying to look after her self and ultimately that is all I want for her. I want her to look after herself.
I know you all can fight this. I see or rather read just how strong you all are. You are all beautiful and I love you all so much.
@Former-Member

Lee, can you tell me about your panic attack. What does look like for you? More importantly how are you now.
@Lee82

Do you really want to hear about that? I'm just afraid it may trigger you or upset you and I think you have been through enough tonight. I am just really really worried about you hun.
@Former-Member