rough time

Izzy please tell me what's going on?
@Former-Member

I am exhausted. My body feels heavy. I feel I can’t move my arms or legs. I feel I can’t speak. Everything is moving in slow motion. Everything expect the thoughts in my head. They are racing. I see flashes of blinding white light. Burned into those flashes are images. Memories of my past. It just keeps going. It never stops.

@Lee82 , I am starting to wonder if I am any good for you. I seem to add more stress and for f**ksakes that is last thing you need right now. I wish I could help you so bad. Nikki losing her shit at you this morning was more intense then I have ever felt l, but there was no need to be like that with you. You get that sort of shit from your mother and exh, you don't need it from any part of me. I am meant to support you and care for you and be gentle with you and help you help, not get angry at you. I am so sorry my love. 💖Izzy

No please don't say that Izzy. Please!! Come on...it's ok. You don't make things worse for me. You make it better. I'm sorry maybe I was too honest last night. I'm sorry for that. I won't make that same mistake.
Nikki is just a very passionate part of you. I felt that. I felt that she cared sooo much and thats how she expressed it.
don't you dare compare yourself to my mum and exh. You are nothing like them.
you don't add more stress you lessen it. I was in a really bad place last night . I eventually was able to come back to the present and eventually sleep. Without you, Izzy and Nikki that wouldn't have happened. You have believe me.
Don't make me lose another friend. Please.

i care about you so much. I don't know how it happened in only 3 weeks but the connection is extremely powerful. I feel like I have know. You my whole life.
please Izzy I love you my friend and I don't want to lose you.
@Former-Member

Hi,

Just letting you know that we hear your pain and are there for you!

Hey @Lee82 , here is what's going on for her. The counsellor and Izzy started the hard work of healing inner child recently and it's triggering loads of stuff. She can see places she thought she had forgotten, she can smell them, she can taste them. We are constantly in flight mode, well except Nikki but that's another conversation all together. She is dealing with the "monster" within, the "monster" that a lot abuse victims fear becoming. She spent a great deal of time looking for evidence that she is truly a monster. She is fifty shades of messed up amd when Nikki reads this she is going want me fifty shades of messed as I probably have share more than I should. 😞💛Bear

I'm glad you told me that Bear. I want to be apart of her healing too. I don't want any of you to shut me out.
This is my fault. I shared too much last night I shouldn't have. I'm so sorry. I promise it won't happen again. I just don't want to lose our friendship.
You all need all the support you can get am I am here to be supportive. No more about me. you all need love, care, compassion and support more than I do. I am here. Don't shut me out Izzy please.
@Former-Member

@Lee82 , see this is causing you pain!!! But I feel the same was about our friendship my love. I believe I failed you last night. I was not able to stay for you, I tried so hard but as you know it didn't happen. Never accept that just because someone is passionate and cares deeply about you that they have and right to lose their shit at you. That's not love, that's not friendship. I am still learning the right way to do things. I have been texting with my counsellor all morning because I feel so low and she has given me some sound reasons for my reactions. I am sorry my wonderful friend. 💖Izzy

@Truffles Can you please email me.

WhT you have to remember is that you are trying to heal too. You are struggling just as much if not more than me. You need support and comfort too honey. It's ok that you had to leave and take care of you. Never be sorry for that. Never apologise for that.
what does your councellor say about our friendship? What are you sorry for babe?
Nor you or Nikki lost your shit at me last night....I do not see it that way at all. Doesn't that count for something?
@Former-Member