rough time

You have gone through so much @Former-Member. I am so sorry for that. You did not deserve any of it. I know I have only known you a little while but I know you are a beautiful person that is warm and caring and kind. You are also strong to have endure all that you have.
you have to remind yourself that they are only dreams and not happening in the present. I know how difficult this is to do because they feel so real and present at the time. Just know that I am here with you. I wish I can make you feel safe but all I can do is say I will sit with you as long as you need. I am not going anywhere. You just let me know how you are feeling and we can try and distract and interrupt your thoughts.
You are not going insane. I go through the same things almost every night too. I haven't mastered getting myself out of that state however when I am with my psych she is always able to help me come back the the present by asking me a few questions like naming things in the room, standing up, moving around answering a few simple question and of course deep breathing. i am here with you.

@Lee82 ,

I am sorry, I was meant to be here for you today and it's been turned around.

I am use to being scared, I am not enough and worthless. It shouldn't matter to me that both of them have treated me badly that's all I have ever known anyways so you would think I would be fine with it.
thoughts are heavy right now and there is none to talk to anymore. It would have been my ex up till yesterday he was always the one I would call when things got bad but now I don't think I can trust him

Don't apologise please. I want to be here for you. You are not alone @Former-Member. you can never get use to being scared and you are enough and not worthless. You are a capable person who has endured unbelievable things. You have gotten this far and you have raised beautiful children. That to me is a very capable and worthy person.
It it never ok to be fine with anyone treating you the way they did. That is totally on them. I wish I could take away your pain and suffering and transfer it to them.
You can talk to me about anything. I am here.
why do you feel you cannot trust your ex? Is it because of the flashbacks.

please tell me you are safe tonight? How about we try and talk about general stuff for a bit maybe that will help change your thoughts.
I am sending you a great big warm hug 💓

@Former-Member just need to make sure crotch hold is fine and why?

@Former-Member

@Lee82 thank you for your kind words. I have just, my thoughts are too scattered right now. There was something I want to say but then because I think I actually know someone personally that is here I didn't. I maybe being paranoid but the way they speak to me makes me almost positive that I know them. Anexity has kicked because if they see the post about the ex husband thing it could blow up for me big time. So there goes that bit of freedom that I had here. No I am not feeling safe tonight. I have just made a cuppa and crawled under the weighted blanket that he brought to calm me.

He sat with my inner child aspect for nearly three hours doing the puzzle he brought her. He patiently helped her, make sure she ate, give her her ice cream and lots of hugs. Does this sound like a man that is untrustworthy?

I am unsure what to tell you sweetie. I have done that hold plenty of times and never hurt a child. You need to accept that you have been told it's ok by the little ones mumma. You are not a bad person and if bubba likes being held that way then all the better. 💖💖

Is it about ex hubby no1 @Former-Member? If it is someone you know then they should understand that you are hurting and that this is the place you should feel safe to talk about your thoughts and feelings. If they are on the forum then they too are hurting and should know that we are here to help each other through tough times and not just to gossip for a few laughs. You have done nothing wrong by sharing.
ok...I am worried about you. Can you maybe put some calming music on and maybe call lifeline? I will wait here for as long as it takes.
He sounds very trusting and kind and caring. He sounds like he cares about you a lot and sees you as an important person to him. He sounds like he loves you very much. You are very lucky to him in your life. He sees that you are very much worth helping and that you deserve happiness my friend 💗

@Lee82 💖 thank you for listening. I haven't told my kids anything about their dad's and my relationship and certainly wouldn't want to know the thing about my ex and that is what worries me. This person knows my kids and she is totally selfish and will do things to sabotage my relationships with them. They have done that before.

I have taken my sleeping pills and they are kicking in nicely. How are you doing my friend.

@Lotusgirl , honey I have had to take some sleeping pills so I will check in with you again tomorrow/today 💖💖💖