rough time

@Lee82 , how I wish I could actually be there and make sure you are ok. You have done marvellously today. Remember to take some deep breathes, place a hand on you belly and breathe to your hand.

I am here my friend💖

That means a lot to me @Former-Member . Thank you. Wish you were here too. I do miss a good hug. I lost my friendship with a friend of mine a couple years ago because of my ex husband and she was everything to me. She was the only person in my life I could truly be myself around. She knew a lot about me and was always there for me whenever I needed a shoulder to cry on or just a comforting hug and I miss her soooo much.
sometimes just a hug from a friend and the words everything will be ok! Makes a world of difference.

@Lee82 , I am sorry you lost your friend. I know how important they are. I lost my best female friend just before her 29th birthday to a massive heart attack and I have never connected with anyone they we did.

You would never be short a hug if we where friends outside of the forums because I am a big hugger. It's been a while since I have hugged anyone other than my ex, even my kids don't like to touch me at the moment because of the PTSD, it has me flinch anytime someone raises their hands near me. 😭 even though they are young adults they think that they will hurt me if they try and give me a hug.

What are you up to tonight?

@Former-Member need U if you're around

@outlandermissed talking to you tonight 😥

I hope you are ok hun, will check in with you tomorrow.

Sending lots of love and hugs hun 💌💜💞

I'm here babe @Lotusgirl

Oh @Former-Member I am so sorry to hear that, So young. Must have been a very big shock.
I haven't hugged anyone since my ex as well except for my kids. They are pretty young so always wanting hugs. However they make me feel a little uncomfortable at the moment because I am experiencing very sensitive skin. (Not sure what that's about.)

it's amazing how a natural human action such as a hug can be so complicated when you are experiencing these symptoms. It just not fair.
my heart hurts for you hun. It must be very difficult dealing with those types of PTSD symptoms ❤️
At the moment I am just laying on the couch with the tv on just for some whit noise in the background trying to calm myself with breathing exercises. Feeling very agitated.
how is your night going?

@Lee82 , so sorry you are experiencing sensitive skin and it's impacting on the hugs from your little ones.

It was a shock when she died, she was being released from hospital the day it happened (she was there for because of her diabetes). They kept her in life support for 4 days but there was no hope. She use to steal my engagement ring and wear it and joke that she was my and my ex hubby's wife. I put that ring in her finger the day of her funeral. It's hard to explain what our relationship was, she was more than my best friend, she filled so many holes in my heart. She use to play with my hair and lay on my lap so I could play with hers she would sit up for hours and listening to me, she knew when to hug me and be gentle and she also knew when to push the issue. Sorry a bit off track of current conversation.

I too have a movie in for the white noise, I feel completely drained and am feeling petrified if the coming darkness

I hope you breathing exercises are helping you my friend. 💖

Oh @Former-Member I'm so sorry. That brought tears to my eyes. 😢

what a beautiful friendship. That would have been an unbelievably difficult time for you.
My friendship with my female friend sounds exactly like yours. We were inseparable. She was my soulmate. She would hold my hand when we were together and she always knew when something was up. She had this bracelet she would always wear and once I had to attend a party where one of the men who abused me was going to be there. I was a mess. She drove over to my house just before we left and gave me her bracelete. It had The Greek eye on it and she said every time I felt anxious to touch it and it will help me think of her. I still have that bracelet. She also saved my life after I tried to end it.

These sort of friendships are a one in a million.

why are you petrified hun? No need to answer that question if you don't feel comfortable doing so. Totally understand. 💗

Well now I am crying @Lee82 , out friendships with them sound very similar indeed.

I am worried about going to sleep, petrified of it actually. The last few nights my flashbacks have moved from my childhood abuse to showing me the similarities between my ex husbands. Ex husband number one was a narcissistic abusive a'hole. He controlled me for 13 years, he raped after I was out with friends because that is what I was obviously looking for. He was emotionally abusive and took great pleasure in making sure I knew I was worthless and a bad mother. And my current ex was nothing like him, but now at night I see things that while done in a different way are very similar to ex number1. He still looks after me and makes sure I have everything I need, he is paying for my counselling, he makes sure my bills are paid. I don't know why there are things showing up that I didn't see before. I feel like I am going insane. These nightmares are affecting how I am with him and I can see he has noticed it.