rough time

Are you still around lil Sis @outlander.? I got distracted with phone. E calls, dinner, cleaning up and the like. I'm OK to chat for a bit but not wanting to talk to myself if you're not aroun.

Im still around for a little while @Sans911 💜👋☕

I'm doing OKish. Still dealing with some inner conflicts and struggling with post surgery issues that are affecting my confidence a lot. I've still not heard from my pyschologist in nearly 3 months now, and that's contributing a lot to how I feel. I'm not taking my meds like I should be because I kind of have the attitude that if others don't care about me why should I? And I'm tired of feeling numb and having limited emotions on meds. My SI has been very elevated in the last few weeks and trying to keep a lid on that and not be impulsive is exhausting.

@outlander

Sounds like its messy and tiring in your world atm sis its no wonder your SI has become stronger @Sans911

Would it be worth ringing the psych reception and see whats happening or maybe start seeing a new one? Or the womens health clinic counsellor? Im sorry you havent had that support, thats really not fair.

Hearing you on the attitude. It makes things quite tricky esp when we are already disheartened too. I care very much for you though, and nothing will change that

Maybe a med review would be most helpful to start with? The meds that dull everything so you feel like a zombie arent the greatest are they hey. We need a good balance of feeling and not feeling 😖

💜💜

And your right SI and trying to keep a lid on it is definitely exhausting. Gentle hugs ❤

My pyschologist doesn't have a receptionist as it's a very small practice. So I have to communicate directly with her by email, phone or text. I've sent several emails already asking for an appointment this week as she has returned from a break. Some I know saw her yesterday so I know she is back. I shouldn't have to keep messaging her to get in touch with me. It's really making me annoyed, and if course my bpd brain is overreacting to it all with feelings of rejection and abandonment. This is where much of my SI is from.

I want to at least give it a try with her to resolve and move on from this latest issue. I've been seeing her over a year & to swap again to yet another counsellor doesn't feel good at all. This is when I reach the edge of giving up on everything including life because it's all so frustrating. I feel all I do is go around in circles.

I've been through so many meds in the last few years so I don't really want to change again. The one I'm on now seem to be mostly OK, so a decrease might work. I have treatment resistant depression so getting the right medication took a long time.

Sorry, this is a lot of deep stuff for you at your hour, and with everything you have going on. Hence my reluctance to share it here.

@outlander

So sorry i fell asleep! @Sans911 i was wide awake and then a big crash hit 😖😬

You can share whatever is happening for you whenever/wherever you feel ok to. I dont mind one bit listening even with the things going on for me. I know others feel the same too.

I totally get the ambandonment and rejection feelings from bpd brain too. For you not to hear back from her after several attempts now would be sending that right into over drive. I find it annoying too and honestly rude not to have a response. Surley in 3 months she has had time to write to you about an appointment time even if she was booked up until now. It makes me frustrated with and for you.
I hope that today you will get some sort of response at least 🤞🤞 I know that will also ease some of the emotions swirling around to start with.

Its good that one of your meds seem to be working, might be worth trying the decrease and seeing how it goes? Your psychologist and the lack of her responses/support seems to be one of the main challanges though.

In the meantime do you want to share some of those inner conflicts and post surgery challanges with us here?

Thanks heaps @Molliex 🙏❤
Its tipped 33 degrees here so far but no local fires. 🙏🤞🤞 have been out since 8am and will be here for most of the day till i have psychiatrist at 7pm