rough time

ok @outlander whenever you want hun

we are here for you @outlander

I think I am @outlander. It feels like things are bubbling under the surface atm. 3 more sleeps! Just get to Sunday

Hugs @outlander. I'm thinking of you.

Oh My Goodness Claire! @outlander

What have you done? I think I read it was an accident ?!? The Universe has decided to knock you off the ledge you were on, it's decided there'll be no rest & relaxation for you today! You poor thing! My cyber-spirit is with you no matter what happened or is happening, & yet again I'm proud of you for having the sense & courage to have it checked 🙂

Lots of love & healing energy to you Claire

Niqua

Thank you everyone for your msgs. Its has been one thing after another today.

First it was the nightmares and no sleep. I went to my psychiatrist this morning. Shes not happy with me, she thinks its good im doing the social group, and studying and psychology is starting back up but then she also said that I wasnt doing enough. I said can you expand on why you think im not doing enough when I work, Im starting psych sessions, im spending time doing more things I like, im starting a social group and could be studying. She didnt answer me. She also is increasing my mood stabilisers and weight loss tablets which im not increasing the weight loss ones I cant take so many tablets every single day and I know others have it much worse then me but for someone who went from only pain relief to ant depressants, mood stabilisers, antacids, pain relif, anti- inflammatories, weight loss tablets and the occasional supplimets I cant keep up. So I will increase the moods but not the weight loss as it means another horse tablet (meaning really big)

Then I get a call from someone- an old client who thought I was still helping run the property and said theres a horse in distress and they dont know anyone else who knows horse first aid thats close that can help so I got up and went down there and she was just in a deep sleep so was like snoring and was perfectly fine when I woke her up- startled but fine. I also got a call from my old boss- she wants to rehire me. I said yes but I was very firm in saying I am only doing the 3 days a week no more and when im not working I wont be responding to clients. She said thats understandable and shes fine with that. So I start next week and the days I do are the easy days and will only take me 2 hrs not all day like it was before. So that is a positive.

Then all day including while I was dealing with the horse that someone was in distress, my other has been going non stop at me today. At one point I had 12 msgs in under 5 minutes. All over a friggin horse. Good thing to come out of it is my youngest sister got a new horse better suited to her and I managed to bargain quite a lot and get the price down. My mother has literally been on my case all day about it and I snapped I said ive written what needs to be said have patience and I will get back to her when I know what the owner says so stop with the msgs I wont know any quicker with out constantly msging me with questions and questions and what I need to say etc. finally after fking hrs of that and she backed off abit and she started to get the msgs when I wouldnt respond to them for abit. She had made me so sick that I was throwing up from stress.

The accident I had involved the horses again.. I was helping a lady saddle her horse but her saddle was really heavy and I didnt have the strength after last night and energy zapped emotionally so was a wreck but offerred to help anyway. Her saddle had an added accessory put on however it wasnt done properly so basically the nail was poking out. So as I picked it up it scraped the inside of my thigh so have a scrap but it then got caught on the ticker part of my shorts and went straight through and dug deep and the onely way to get it out was to pull it out and then drop it which then ran inside my thigh on the same let so I look like I have to parallel train lines in my inner thigh with bruising and where the short bands and underwear lines sit on your hips (well thats where I wear them anyway) but it is half way between the hip bones but thankfully missed the sensitive area. They cleaned it right out which wasnt fun and said they cant suture because of the spot its in and I wear clothes there etc so theres clips and a cover and need to keep checking for infections etc oh and my favourite tetnus- owuch and yuk

so anyway thats my day, I am tired but I cant sleep. I am way to scared to sleep and feel sick so its all happening. It never seems to happen one thing at a time does it 😞

@Former-Member@Former-Member@Queenie@Sans911@Former-Member@Shaz51and everyone

Getting back to earlier msgs

@Former-Member I havent been able to see my gp for a little over a week now. Atm I can only see her weekly. She doesnt have enough avalaible spaces for twice a week and im lucky to get one appt a week so I try and take what I can get. I see her on monday as my psychiatrist wouldve contacted her by then so will need to chat about that, stomach situation and also the wounds. I had handful of grapes for dinner bt im really not hungry. I feel quite sick tonight so just trying to drink water as feeling really dehyrdated.

@Former-Member I didnt manage any nanny naps today but thank you. It all likes to happen all at once and again im thrown back into that tornado trying to find a ledge that isnt there yet.

@Former-Memberthank you and sorry your night was rough too. Not a relaxing afternoon here unfortunately..

@Owlunarthank you for that info and tips too. I know one day ill have to face my trauma. I tried it before but I didnt have enough skills or stable enough and things really didnt go well so I think for now I need to work on skills then go back in time and I relaly hope my new psych respects that. I really dont want to go backwards. Ive already done too much damage at my own stupidity and I dont want to keep being like that. I know what all my meds are for unfortuantley and agree with the stuff im on

antidepressants and mood stabilisers are obvious ones, pain relief and anti-inflammatories are again obivous but I have basically gone off those now and just dealing with the pain the best I can. The weight loss ones I am not increasing and really only take when I cant manage them. And the antacids are to dealw ith heartburn and has helped with my stomach quite abit surprisingly but im on high strength twice a day but no more breathing fits so that is a bonus.

Ive heard fo that dream thing that you described. I can barely write my dreams out, they still scare me just as much when im awake. Sometimes the gore is to much even for me and go hurtling to the bathroom.

@Former-Member if you want to chat im always around doesnt matter whats happening to me.

Again thank you everyone @Former-Member@Former-Member@Queenie@Sans911@Former-Member@Shaz51 and everyone as i know some are 'liking' in support