rough time

when i first come here i remember having quite a few convos with here that people with traumas often end up in similar situations. i also read it somewhere and the statistics show that people with traumatic backgrounds often are 'targeted' or drawn in by toxic people. kind of like being drawn to them so i wonder if that is what is happening here. im being drawn to toxic people because thats what ive grown up with and in my brain beleives thats all im good for. to please people no matter what expense it comes to me (and who knows it may end up being that way sexually too) . ive never had a healthy relationship with anyone, family, friends and never an intimate relationship.

im noticing a pattern but i dont know how to stop it. i will meet people and things will be ok for abit, kinda like getting drawn in then it like peaks and it starts to go pear shaped and without reasoning. its happened when i was at school, it happened with the first lot of friends i had, then the other group at this property- where i use to work and now the ones on fb. all without actually knowing what ive done, where ive gone wrong, not noticing those suttle changes until its too late.

i just dont get it, if i am so 'nice' as people seem to say i am then why is it im having so much trouble upholding a relationship with anyone. its pretty disheartening and it keeps making me think what am i doing so wrong. i am genetically engineered to be drawn to toxic people and unhealthy relationships? what happens if i enter a relationship and something bad happens?

@outlander, I'm around too,bit hyped up,stressed out,as well as lost need a distraction as well.

I have the same problem,had people who were toxic all my life, actually now given up due to social anxiety and because of darkness and trauma.

I think we just attract those people unfortunately.

if your up for it its above msg.... @Former-Member but no pressure

@outlander

I know it is hard to see yourself in a realationship and you say What happens if you enter a relationships and it turns out bad. However, what happens if you enter a relationship and it turns out good?

We don't know what the future holds and where we will be in 10-20 years time. All I can go on is my own life circumstances. You know I have had a history of SA from different times and different people in my life. Growing up I struggled to meet and keep friends, and I still do now. But in that time I meet an amazing man who has stood by me and continues to do throughout this difficult time in my life.

I was able to meet that person, so who says that you cannot too. I think we have all had those toxic people in our lives. I still have some. Unfortunatley some of them are family.

I do hope one day you meet that person. I guess that is the risk we have to take in our lives.

Don't know the answer @outlander,as stated I attract them like a magnet,which is now why I can't trust anyone which has also taken away my interpersonal skills needed to survive .As for something bad happening in relationships that comes with the territory,if you meet the right person you take the bad with the good if the love is there.

i want a good relationship not just romatically but even a friendship @Former-Member i just really dont know..... maybe the simple explation for things constantly going pear shaped is because of the relationships ive been in. they are hardley healthy and that goes for family too as you guys know. it is like being alive is a punishment and the more i meet people, the more i realise i attract toxic people and either i am blind to it or it doesnt appear to be out of the norm to me.

im wondering how many more failed realationships of any kind its going to take to actually get to the good things. its both furstrating and upsetting because it makes sense but it wasnt easy to admit to. this has been swirling arounf the past few days but couldnt get it out, couldnt admit to myself or anyone else that i think there is a problem and it jsut might be my brain chemicals and the constant traumas been normal to me that its possibly that even my subconcious believes i deserved it even though i tell myself that all the time and thought id accepted that but maybe there is more to it than what im realising

its making trust harder and harder to trust @Former-Member but maybe its not them. maybe its jsut me.

@outlander a negative mindset can attract negative people - the hardest thing for us to do when we are not feeling good is to be positive about anything but that then trickles down into our 'relationships' - we see it on here with each other every day - sometimes to the extent that someone else's struggles affect us too - life (like the forum) is a balancing act and we don't always get it right... but you are young and just at the beginning of trying to 'find yourself' so there will be many ups and downs but that is part of the process also.