rough time

i wish it wasnt this way @CheerBear
i am struggling to cope with it all. it has been nothing but tests, and speaking to people and diagnoses and trying to heal but there has been very minimal healing and now i need more tests, more specialists, surgury, still trying to speak to health professionals that judge as soon as i walk in the door exactly like today but at least they ordered xrays. will find out those results tomorrow.
so many pressures, things i cant say here even if i wanted to. im struggling to fit in anywhere i go. i just dont fit in that 'slot' more like a triangle trying to fit into a circle.

I must have missed some things @outlander, sorry. That's a lot to go through and I can see why you'd wishing it was different. It wouldn't help to have to deal with judgement either.

🙁

no... @CheerBear its things weve spoke of before like the oral surgury, and womens specialist for the abnormal results and those issues in that area, and i guess a few other things but im not sure if i have/havent mentioned them here... ive lost track of what i have/havent said- its a little sad really...


the drs usually like to get me out as soon as i walk in the door. i only went today because i think ive broken a toe or 2 from the washing machine crashing onto my foot. i walked in and they rolled their eyes at me 'what can i do for you this time?' , i honestly wanted to just walk back out again.

every part of me is crumbling and i dont know what else to do. this one foot in front of the other thing just seems to get harder and harder

im sorry i dont want to bother you.

Oh that sucks about your toe @outlander. You didn't need to add that to it all either 🙁

thanks @CheerBear
no its not a great addition esp right now.

Oh my sweet sister I'm going to have to come get you and wrap you up n cotton wool. What a shiteful rough ride you've continued to have. And judgement from health professionals is crap. You don't need that. If you have a genuine need, which you did, then you have a right to be there and receive services.

There's lots of things you do right, but I can understand why things feel very bleak & negative right now. I can understand do putting one foot in front of the other means nothing at this time. But I, and others will continue to believe there is better yet to come for you, and will be here to support no matter what happens. Because you are so are so much more than these health concerns, this anxiety & depression. There is much, more to you than all of these things, and that's what I focus on the most. The greatest parts of you are still there @outlander & will show themselves at the right time. Hugs and hugs my angel.

It's OK @outlander, I'm not going to pressure you to talk. Just as you have done before, just tag my name, and I'll come sit with you. We don't have to talk.

I can understand with just one thing happening on top of everything else that might have been the final straw. I think I probably would have felt exactly the same if it was me.

Shall we just sit for a while without talking?

I also found a huge bunch of mags I need to toss, so I'm going to go through for my project. Let me know at any time if you want to do that together.

Sitting would be good @Sans911 otherwise you can pick a topic to talk about.

Are you going through some of the magazines tonight? I dont have any other magazines atm but im happy to just sit and watch you with a chance of borrowing mr a or jasper for abit while your doing that.