outlanderSenior Contributor
rough time
is anyone around to talk to atm
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rough time
20097 replies
In response to: rough time
outlanderSenior Contributor
Re: rough time
No im not power of attorney , he doesnt have one as far as im aware. If things come down to that then my mum and her brother and sister get along really well and have similar thoughts actually so they will be the ones who have that sort of power. He is mums father.
Thanks sis, i will also be seeing an exercise physiologist when i get around to ringing them so they can help formulate an exercise plan for futher weightloss without having to worry about so much physical pain.
I try to talk to you but i always worry its pressuring and burdening you. And its hard when everytime i open my mouth more often than not bad news and i want to share good things too. My brain and body like to punish itself if something good happens. I really want to share those good things too and be able to keep moving forward. Right now i am stuck and back on that roundable of endless tests and appointments coming back up. I guess that is the way it is for now and day by day will have to do.
Thanks sis, i will also be seeing an exercise physiologist when i get around to ringing them so they can help formulate an exercise plan for futher weightloss without having to worry about so much physical pain.
I try to talk to you but i always worry its pressuring and burdening you. And its hard when everytime i open my mouth more often than not bad news and i want to share good things too. My brain and body like to punish itself if something good happens. I really want to share those good things too and be able to keep moving forward. Right now i am stuck and back on that roundable of endless tests and appointments coming back up. I guess that is the way it is for now and day by day will have to do.
In response to: Re: rough time
outlanderSenior Contributor
Re: rough time
@Sans911 ^^
In response to: Re: rough time
Sans911Senior Contributor
Re: rough time
You know that for a time all I had were bad news, suicidal urges and thoughts and everything felt pointless and hopeless. I felt the same as you. While times aren't great right now, they can't last forever. And while it also might some like bad news all the time, you've had good news in between. Like your studies. Like your project you've been doing with me. Those are really good things to be proud of.
It doesn't matter if I'm in a good or bad space @outlander. I want you to feel able to share anything. I want to be here for you to help unburden some of those stresses. I can't magic them away, but I'm a good listener and a great hugger🤗. I can sit in that space with you and you know you aren't alone with whatever you are going through. I know in the future there are going to be successes and high fives for you. And I'll will remind you of these times and how we wondered if it would ever end or we would make it out alive.
It doesn't matter if I'm in a good or bad space @outlander. I want you to feel able to share anything. I want to be here for you to help unburden some of those stresses. I can't magic them away, but I'm a good listener and a great hugger🤗. I can sit in that space with you and you know you aren't alone with whatever you are going through. I know in the future there are going to be successes and high fives for you. And I'll will remind you of these times and how we wondered if it would ever end or we would make it out alive.
In response to: Re: rough time
outlanderSenior Contributor
Re: rough time
Im sorry, i mustve fallen asleep.
Thank you @Sans911 it seems there is still a long road ahead to get through this latest news and the rest but hopefully there will still be good in there somewhere. Thank you for helping, sharing, and being here with and for me. Im always here for you too, im a good listener and hugger too even if i dont know what to say. ❤❤❤
I know youll be leaving to head to your fosters sisters house this morning. Stay safe on those roads, they dont call this the silly season for nothing 😒
Thank you @Sans911 it seems there is still a long road ahead to get through this latest news and the rest but hopefully there will still be good in there somewhere. Thank you for helping, sharing, and being here with and for me. Im always here for you too, im a good listener and hugger too even if i dont know what to say. ❤❤❤
I know youll be leaving to head to your fosters sisters house this morning. Stay safe on those roads, they dont call this the silly season for nothing 😒
In response to: Re: rough time
ethSenior Contributor
Re: rough time
So sorry to hear more about what you're dealing with at this time @outlander. I've been through the cervical stuff so if I can help please do let me know. In my case I got to stage 3-4 of CIN (pre-cancer changes) due to HPV before there was any cure other than surgery, which I had, and I've had clear paps ever since. At the time I was also using herbal medicine (prescribed by a naturopath) and visualizations, so to this day I don't know whether it was those things or the surgery that cleared things up. Worth a shot tho' if you want to give them a try. As far as I know these days they can cure HPV.
You are brave and strong and will get through all this in time. Your resilience is amazing. Sending love and hope your way.
In response to: Re: rough time
outlanderSenior Contributor
Re: rough time
thank you @eth
They arent sure what is causing it. the last abnormal test said -possibly hpv effect. this result didnt say that but it is still progressing and they dont know why plus the rest of the concerning symptoms so being sent to a specilist it is.
the thing that is worryin me the most isnt the tests itself, it is the point im going to have to talk to mum or at least meantion it breifly. these things never go down well at all, i cant even meantion cervical changes nor would i anyway because well she doesnt know ive had sex let alone knowing it wasnt consentual. and that isnt something i could live with so i need to be very careful with what i say. at least ill be attending those appointments on my own.
They arent sure what is causing it. the last abnormal test said -possibly hpv effect. this result didnt say that but it is still progressing and they dont know why plus the rest of the concerning symptoms so being sent to a specilist it is.
the thing that is worryin me the most isnt the tests itself, it is the point im going to have to talk to mum or at least meantion it breifly. these things never go down well at all, i cant even meantion cervical changes nor would i anyway because well she doesnt know ive had sex let alone knowing it wasnt consentual. and that isnt something i could live with so i need to be very careful with what i say. at least ill be attending those appointments on my own.
In response to: Re: rough time
AppleblossomSenior Contributor
Re: rough time
@outlander
That is an awful amount of stress to shoulder in silence and alone. The medicine around cancer of cervix has improved a lot in recent times. You are onto it early, so try not to let your nan's experience frighten you. It is bad enough to remember it tho.
I wonder if you can reconsider talking about with your mother. Maybe after christmas or New Year. You are not that young and she ought not over react. You also seem to have medical support. Some conditions take a while to diagnose. It sounds as if they are doing their best.
There is a huge stress negotiating conversation around sex with mothers and daughters, but maybe if you can choose your moments, rather than just keep shouldering more responsibility. Maybe she wont manage it well. I cannot say, but if she does not know she cannot take it into consideration. There is the chance that she will be mature and caring and it is worthwhile knowing that about her.
In the meantime keep looking after you. The pressure of these worries wont help you deal with your fragile mental state, so reducing some of the secrecy about it, might ....
Life can be so complicated at times.
Gently gently
In response to: Re: rough time
ethSenior Contributor
Re: rough time
How difficult it must be for you having to keep your mum from knowing what's happening with these health issues @outlander. I really feel for you on that. I understand why and I went through something similar for a while when I was a teenager. I was punished for having bruises on my breasts and still never said that I'd been raped. I didn't tell anyone from age 15 til around 26 or 27 that it had happened. Don't let it stop you from having treatment asap please. Even if you have to have a different Dr so that they don't get told.
Stay strong. If you are over 16 you are entitled to medical treatment without your parents being informed as far as I know.
In response to: Re: rough time
outlanderSenior Contributor
Re: rough time
thank you @Appleblossom yes thank god for advances in medicine! hopefully itll be nothing major and it will be very easy to remove the cells or whatever they need to do.
I wont have a chat to anyone until i hear back from the specialist. as its near christmas theres a chance i may need to wait a few more weeks which im ok with. The trouble with this conversation is if the sex was consentual it wouldnt be so hard but it wasnt and that isnt something im willing to bring up or talk about. But i dont have a choice now and i would rather no and have a small white lie if it comes down to it rather than not knowing.
Life is so hard and complicated Apple, this feels like a punishment for starting to move forward and make positive changes 😞
I wont have a chat to anyone until i hear back from the specialist. as its near christmas theres a chance i may need to wait a few more weeks which im ok with. The trouble with this conversation is if the sex was consentual it wouldnt be so hard but it wasnt and that isnt something im willing to bring up or talk about. But i dont have a choice now and i would rather no and have a small white lie if it comes down to it rather than not knowing.
Life is so hard and complicated Apple, this feels like a punishment for starting to move forward and make positive changes 😞
In response to: Re: rough time
outlanderSenior Contributor
Re: rough time
@eth about a yr and abit ago i briefly meantioned under going some tests for pcos but i very quickly left it at that and didnt meantion it again. So im hopinh that she wont flip out when i say i need to see a specilaist for further investiation for pcos and ENDO. It is the part about the cervical cell changes that is causing the most concern. thankfully yes, the drs cannot tell anyone about what i say etc (unless im or others are at risk) so that is the good part. i just need to be ok, or if its not that it can be treated quickly. it is very scary stuff happening here and it wasnt quite what i had in mind for ending and starting a new year
