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We're suppose to go to my sister's today. It's a two hour trip. To be honest, I haven't slept much, so I wasn't looking forward to it. My mum who is in her 80s, has developed anxiety and depression. I have had to cancel appointments many times because she is 'too sick to go' which she suddenly recovers from an hour or so after cancelling. We have become pr house trapped between her anxieties and mine. I go to the shops, doctors and occasionally talk her into going to a beach or park.
Anyways, I'm done with it all. Whom am I kidding...all that therapy, constantly trying to be better, tomorrow things will improve. I don't want to fight anymore.
In response to: Re: 😩 Hating myself/life.
AppleblossomSenior Contributor
Re: 😩 Hating myself/life.
I have an 80 year old lady in my life who is similar. One moment its the end of the world and the next she has "never been fitter in all my life". It is very frustrating. Nowadays I dont react to either extreme, but keep a polite distance, but I dont live with her and she is not my mother. So its easier for me. I also have a friend who helps deflect the intensities. Are there any council or other workers involved. You do not have to manage it all on your own.
Beach sounds good, but it seems as if you need more YOU time.
Hope today is alright.
In response to: 😩 Hating myself/life.
Unknown userMember
Re: 😩 Hating myself/life.
Hi Lemonjuice
Why do you hate yourself? Your situation sounds pretty difficult to me and I cannot even imagine how you cope with your own issues and someone else’s too. That is pretty tough!
In response to: 😩 Hating myself/life.
LemonjuiceSenior Contributor
Re: 😩 Hating myself/life.
@Appleblossom@Former-Member My therapist is a pretty good, every now and then, when I tell him what my life history is, a look of shock comes over his face. To me it's just stuff that have happened, but apparently to an observer it's a lot. I get surprised that he's shocked. I've been diagnosed with CPTSD and I can dissociate from feelings quite easily. I think that's what got me through. Sometimes I think people won't believe me because in one post I can be talking suicide while in another I can be encouraging others to live or talk about how wonderful things are. I don't feel anything about myself but I can cry over nothing for someone else. I confuse me, let alone others.
I'm not good at the moment too cause I am hormonal. Lol, check with me in a few days if anything I said still sticks.
In response to: Re: 😩 Hating myself/life.
AppleblossomSenior Contributor
Re: 😩 Hating myself/life.
Yes I go by those looks on the face of my psychiatrist to guage whether he is being genuine or not. With my psycholoigists it is more a girlfriend feeling, but I need them to have a decent level of training in order for me to resonate with them.
@LemonjuiceI have had some wonderful organic lemons given to me this month. I dont mind them with or without sugar.
Talk later.
In response to: 😩 Hating myself/life.
LemonjuiceSenior Contributor
Re: 😩 Hating myself/life.
@Appleblossom lol...red delicious are my favourite.
In response to: Re: 😩 Hating myself/life.
dhr53Senior Contributor
Re: 😩 Hating myself/life.
I am sorry to here things are so tough for you. I too get tired of it all sometimes. I just wish that my head could be my friend instead of my enemy. Have you tried meditating. I think it would help me but I am not doing much of a job getting into it. Perhaps we could start a mediatation journal. Take care.
In response to: 😩 Hating myself/life.
LemonjuiceSenior Contributor
Re: 😩 Hating myself/life.
@dhr53 Thanks. I've heard a lot of good stuff about meditating and mental health. I know that when I have done it consistently my thinking and speaking flows better. I would like to do that but I am very undisciplined. Will try though.
In response to: 😩 Hating myself/life.
Unknown userMember
Re: 😩 Hating myself/life.
Hi Lemonjuice,
I can fully understand everything you said. It’s like more than one person in my head (and I don’t have BPD), it’s just as if I can switch face. I think we must have learnt that to cope and get by. My therapist uses a lot of examples that children learn of what emotions are etc, as I struggle to be aware of them. I’m getting better but I need pictures and use the pictures to identify what’s going on - that is if I’m capable and remember to do it. I use the inside-out characters for emotions, pretty basic, but it does the job. My mood diary just consists of 5 different smiley faces and I write down notes when I enter, like a little diary.
In response to: 😩 Hating myself/life.
Unknown userMember
Re: 😩 Hating myself/life.
It makes me laugh when I say, I just feel Bong-Bong today, that’s my primary emotion, confused 😐Bing-Bong sounds so much better 😊
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