Dialogue with Sane forum Forumites

Yes caught the train in and saw some people hadnt seen for a while ... it was beautiful French music by Faure and Gounod. Just wolfed down a sandwaich and am very tired now. How are you?

I'm feeling pretty fuzzy around the edges. Only got about 3 1/2 hrs sleep since we chatted and ended up having to see a Dr about a problem that flared up overnight (not related to not sleeping). Still have to go to vote in a little while but will try for an early night tonight. The music sounds wonderful.

Yes it was. Have fun voting ... I used to have fun, joking with my son walking the gauntlet of the opposition parties ... we both have similar political views

I am exhausted ... need a nap and will do dinner ... tomorrow is even earlier as I have to leave home before 8am.

But it will be good to catch up when we both are more awake.

Well, it seems I figured out why I was feeling so anxious... a neurologist I saw a month or so ago told me that I should be taking a higher dose of medication, which I told him I'd tried before but experienced side effects. This didn't seem to bother him and when I was faced with losing my license, I took the higher dose... as a result I ended up with higher anxiety levels, heart palpitations, chest pain, fatigue etc. Now I've gone back to my old neurologist, she approves of my lower level of medication, has signed off on me driving and now that I'm on lower dosage of meds, I'm not as anxious or tired. I am also managing to get some study done for my uni exam in a couple of weeks.

I like the the topic that you have all being talking about in regards to support people. I have to admit that I suffered in silence for many years. I grew up in a church environment and I didn't feel like I could admit to anyone that I was feeling depressed, that I wanted to die and that I was hurting myself. I lived behind a mask at home, school and church, which was a protection in a way, but now almost 2 decades later, I am at point where I am finally getting help, so I have to learn to live without my masks, I have to learn to let people in and I have to somehow dismantle the walls that I have built.

@Former-Member

Hi @Ace85, great about getting some study done for the exam. Glad too that your old neurologist has you more comfortable with the meds and you can drive again. We all construct walls or boundaries, they don't all have to go. Also I think these things can be taken slowly and gently. Good that you can share here. 🙂

@PeppiPatty with getting good support, anyone who gets my money has to meet my standards, if they don't I go elsewhere. So I have had my share of bad doctors, bad trainers etc but I don't keep them around. I have always been very practical, probably the Autism, so when I left home I didn't run away,I walked. I had sorted myself out with Youth Homeless Allowance and somewhere to stay and got on the youth housing waiting list.

With my youth worker I just got lucky, he was amazing, and he got fired I guess six months into working with me. It was funny because it turned out he had been a substitute teacher one day for me in grade 4 and made a profound impact on me in that one day, it took me a while to work out it was the same guy. The next worker was pretty good too... Actually she is Killing Heidi's mum! She took me to the art gallery and encouraged me to be creative and gave me references when I moved out of the youth house.

My standards for friends wasn't quite as high, and I had some duds that I put up with for too long thinking that without them I would be alone and I was even more like that with boyfriends. So I got a couple of real learning experiences courtesy of men who realised that I was a bit of a pushover.

The main thing was to recognise the patterns and learn from them try not to repeat them.

And learning to let people go, and learning to let new people in and not to have expectations that are too high. I have several people who I think of as best friends, but I know I am not their best friend. I have learned that that is OK it doesn't devalue what I get from the relationship.

Mostly it has been able learning how to ask for and accept help. It's astonishing how much is out there when you can recognise and accept it.

Another very wise post from @chookmojo.

I was very rational about leaving home too ... I had a job ... found myself a bedsit ... my mother had a tanti and "left home and stayed in a motel!!" I had slept out 2 nights that year ... but things werent well ... she left home for a week and my brother carried a box and we all caught the tram and they helped moved me a couple of suburbs away ... and I brought them home and fed them etc ...

The letting go and welcoming new people is where I am at now ... I certainly have suffered too much in friendships as I thought I was unworthy .. I am a bit more assertive now ... its still a delicate road to hoe ...

I was so used to submitting to power that i didnt realise my own power and choice ... beyond working at basic things ... now I am in a better position to be selective about people ... maybe friends and professionals I hire ... my son has a very clear sense that if he is giving money its up to him ... we can learn from our children .. and I try to acknowledge the things I have gained ...and hope that makes a difference to him

... it has been a mixed bag ... some wonderful experiences and not so good ... I trim my activity when over extended ... expand contract ... there are many rhythms.

Maybe I am an aspie but I called a guy at my old church choir a "gnarly beast" but siad we love him and pat his his fur down ... somehow cos he is so bloody gnarly but generally well intentioned ... and I got away with it ... anyway I 'll see him and his other half tomorrow.

I might be queen of the over share ... but some how ALL? the other people I've met that bubble up with their stuff irregardless seemed to be sure they are sane ... so I figured we should have the same rights ..

yes this is a great thread ..