Coping with negative/suicidal thoughts.

That's really tough stuff @Former-Member

I know about miscarriages, loss of a child, divorce, crappy family members - all of these things and how devastating they are - when my ex hit me and my son the first time the police were involved - the second time I threatened him with the police if he didn't leave and he left

My parents have both gone now and TS was a real control freak about all of that - so I get it -

But I don't know what to say about so much SI - and this I do believe is that your are entitled to feel that way and yes - for a time in the past after my son died I felt that way but not since - so I guess it's very bleak to feel that way and have triggers - and I feel really sad for you because you are the magical person in your family of Cinderella's relations - you are the best really

So - yes - when you father has gone why not organise the funeral and use the cash you have for a tour and leave them to it - they are going to hash it over and over and I already know you can't please these people who all want your job for whatever glory they see in the hard yards you are doing and wow - how nit-picky and pissy they are

You are not like them - just as I am not like my family - but here we are and I have read back on the thread about how tough things have been for you

I really enjoy my life - in spite of all the stuff in my past that is similar - I enjoy my trips - planning them and going to wherever I go and it's fantastic to be home

So yes - I know - driving back to the old house to clear it out and leave it forever is hard - my old house is a couple of streets away from here and I keep away from it - and before my father died I had no idea how I would deal with it - but I did - terrible time though

I am puzzling my head though because I do not feel as you do - and you have the right to feel that way and I will not take it away from you - but to me life is worth it. We only get one life and I am making the most of it. We are unique and God loves us

I wish I could be more useful to you Lapses - I do love you and care a lot

Dec

@Former-Member Looking back like that certainly puts things in perspective. You are def a SURVIVOR.

There are levels of managing those really difficult thoughts.

You have things to do which might help keep you on the path.

I hope the thoughts become more a thing of the past ... and you grow into your new stage of peaceful retirement.... the autumn stage ...

Thank you @outlander 🙂 @outlander, Nice & quiet over here :0 Are you having SI? We haven't chatted a while - you OK? I've had a bumpy week but proud of myself for not giving up. Not that i had SI much, just wanted to slip into a coma or something quiet. Closest I got was Wed where I had to lay down, have a cry, and couldn't get up for x4 hours. Thought I wasn't gonna be able to move again, but when dad came in looking for help to tuck in, I could move. Do you ever get paralysed like that? Pleased to say things have eased today, but I had days of catchup with washing etc, neglected all week firing on 1/2 cylinders

But how about you?

How was today?

Hello lovely @Former-Member
I am proud of you too for not giving up. I have had those paralyzing times. They can be pretty scary and also draining too. Its usually a sign that things are too much and you need rest. The things your going through i think would be contributing too.

Dont go anywhere, you mean way to much to me and others here and ill be selfish here in saying i would miss you to much for you to leave this earth. I am only a tag away when things get tough and you need some support ok?

I had quite the meltdown tonight. Lostmy shite quite abit but have calmed abit now. And just have music on chatting here and flicking on and off fb. I am safe etc just not coping well at all.really high SI indeed. I have slipped so far down it is worrying me. I cant seem to bring myself up i just keep slipping further. I need to get through the weekend then try to bring my pdoc appt forward and i see a new gp on wednesday. Im still on the waitlist for a psychologist so i cant do much about that.
Sorry for the ramble...