:/

Hi @TheVorticon yep did cross wires in my post. Thank you for taking the time to explain it again, that right there is good communication 😊 (and that right there is poor English 😜🤦‍♀️). I could imagine it would have been easier to put your hands in the air and say they just don’t get it.

Small talk is is something I can either do or I’m petrified of depending on the situation. I understand better the problem you are experiencing now but don’t have answers. This is not for everyone and I think he was incredibly brave but the son I talked about saw a psychologist for social anxiety. He couldn’t small talk to his peers at uni and struggled socially to have a conversation. From what he’s told me I think he froze a bit too. After understanding it he chose to backpack in Asia on his own so he had to communicate with people and learn to small talk. For him going to places where he never had to see anyone again gave him the confidence to try things. He told me he experimented with lots of things to find a point of comfort in greeting people. He then travelled overseas again for a year which transformed him. While this is pretty gutsy and extreme the reason I think I’m writing this is that I think the way to overcome some of these things is to take risks and try. I’m not suggesting in your work place or local area but maybe trying to visit an area that you don’t know and practice small talk with people you don’t know. Maybe those baby steps will give you confidence over time.

Ill share are with you my current experiences with anxiety but it’s a little different. I started volunteering earlier this year with migrants and refugees helping them with learning English. I was petrified if I couldn’t understand what they were saying or if I couldn’t communicate with them. After a few weeks I began panicking more every time I didn’t quite understand something and I began to panic that I was doing more harm than good. I panicked that I wasn’t good enough and didn’t know what I was doing. I would stand by myself in the breaks so scared of small talk and fear of not understanding them. I felt like a snob but it was fear not desire to communicate driving it. I couldn’t feel that I was doing ok. For me the feel part is everything. I would come home and relive every moment of my contact and spiral out of control. I let the anxiety beat me and after 4 weeks gave up volunteering. It’s been three months since I’ve been but I really want to do it. I’m trying to find the confidence to go back. I think it will just be lots of small incremental steps and lots of validation to gain confidence and lessen the anxiety.

I can hear that the need to feel in control is huge for you. I think I have a bit of that too. I’m not good at handling things when the outcome is unknown although paradoxically I’m actually an ideas person rather than a doing person so sharing ideas comes much easier to me. I hope you find a way through this. It may not be anything like I’ve talked about but I do think there is a way through.

As for the the other parts I’ve thought a bit about it but will leave that for another time. I hope this helps just a bit. I know I was off the mark a bit with those maybe too.

Take care @TheVorticon

Hi @TheVorticon....

How are you doing ?

Hey hey. Sorry I didn't reply to anyone. I read them all multiple times but am still kind of stuck processing. I'll get there and get back to the points raised.

Right now I'm feeling rather useless and hopeless. I've got the start of what I think will be tonsillitis (again) so am feeling sick and like a fat slob scardy cat failure.

Hey @TheVorticon. Sorry you are not feeling great. Please don’t feel like you need to respond. I just shared, I don’t need or expect anything back. Just a heads up in case you didn’t know Cheerbear hasn’t responded because she hasn’t been on the forum for quite a while now.

I hope you feel better soon 💜🤗

Hi @TheVorticon

Sorry to hear you are still feeling down / confused / not-great.

I hope today is a better day.

I have a commitment this morning and stuff going on this afternoon, but I will be around here and there and will respond to posts when I can.

Most things improve in increments rather than leaps and bounds, so maybe try to change one small, or even tiny thing everyday, and by the end of the week, seven things have changed incrementally .....

🤚🤛 ...... 💕

My thoughts right now are telling me that no one cares, no one gets it, no one thinks I should be here. The thoughts want me to self injure and I don't know exactly why but it feels like a shameful mess. I'm sorry.

@TheVorticon .....

Push back against that voice. We do care, we do get it, and we absolutely want you here ......

some strategies to help cope with the si .....

Hold a piece of ice in your hand till it melts.

Snap an elastic band against your wrist.

Draw on yourself with a marker pen.

Call a support service.

Put in some music and dance, blocking the voice by competing with it.

Hoping this helps .....

🤚🤛 ..... 💕

Oh @TheVorticon 😢. We absolutely care. We care so much we want to get it so you feel understood, that’s why we keep posting, to try to understand. We really do care. I’ve actually seen it as my failing that I keep missing the mark for you, not yours at all. Tell your thoughts they are wrong. You are absolutely not a shameful mess. I’m still here to listen and learn. You are heard but sometimes I miss the mark. Thinking of you 💜🤗

Snap @Faith-and-Hope. @TheVorticon. Our responses within a minute of each other (ok a little luck in that) show how much we care. I would have responded straight way when I read your post. Go easy on you.

Things sound really full on for you at the moment @TheVorticon. You've done so well to make the decision to reach out for support. If you're worried about harming yourself and you need immediate support please contact Lifeline on 13 11 14. I've sent you an check in email. Take care of yourself 🌻