@Lozenge
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i have not really been interested in getting help. i did at first spend almost 2 decades on psych medicine. A lot of hospitalisations, much suffering, deepest deep. And only a little aid. E.C.T was a good for me, and now the T.M.S treatments showed results.
i got counselling from a high end trauma counsellor from overseas through the internet. First time i met him was 10 years ago, and he really helped me then to begin putting myself back together. The issues related to of trauma, and not so much mental illness. It gave me control over my divided cycling self, and my psychotic timers began to change for the better. i brgan to learn to deal with it all myself. With the aids of medications at first but more and more through supplement and practising mindfulness, as i began to use somatic grounding techniques when in state instead of medicate the pain/rage/trauma away.
And yes i FULLY agree, the word of God should NOT be read literally but in the Spirit of faith, love and truth, we receive from Christ when we let Him cover us with His blood.
As a matter of fact the Word of God itself shows us that it was ALWAYS meant SPIRITUALLY although i do believe the events written in the word of God truly happened, that Paul nevertheless tells us this was for our education and instruction spiritually. (1 Cor 2, Rev 2 & 3)
For when we read the word of God literally we get it to say UNTRUE things in no time flat.
i will give you an example just out of the first 5 books of the old testament.
In Genesis 2:17 The Lord warned Adam about the fruit of right and wrong God said " but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.”
In chapter 3 we see that both Adam and Eve ATE of the fruit that would end their life.
Genesis 3:6-7
"So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate. She also gave to her husband with her, and he ate. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves coverings."
Yet in chapter 5 Moses records The Spirit telling him that Adam lived to 930 years old.
Genesis 5:5
So all the days that Adam lived were nine hundred and thirty years; and he died.
i believe therefore The Word of God is infallible spiritually, but not much at all literally apart of they are true events. However God is spiritual, and so are we. The Word TALKS TO our spirit. God speaks with His Spirit. Hebrews 3 & 4 are clear as crystal about this.
The comforter Jesus calls The Holy Spirit in John 14. The one who has us experience God as our ABBA, cleansed from sin and a guilty conscience. The Holy Spirit who taught me how to find freedom for my soul in the love of God. Romans 8:1-17. Heeding The Spirit of God in my books means to love God above all, then ourself with the love God has for us, and then also our neighbour that same love. When we read God's word in that Spirit of truthful love, then we can hear Christ's Voice, and will love and obey Him as our saviour with heart joy, love and admiration.
i want the The Word of God to rule supreme in my life And to learn to heed the Spirit, and let The Living Word bring us ability where we had none before. i do know it was Jesus who taught me to be fearless, i have always been very much on the paranoid side, before He trade His ability for my inability.
Did i ever share you my poem the beggar of my existence? You might relate to that in your position Down deep. That was what life was like for me rock bottom.
@heartathome @Appleblossom @ENKELI @Realness
The Beggar Of My Existence
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Begging I lay beside the road, unable to get-up or move on.
Content/Trigger warning: TW: Distressing content
Paralysed after a viscous assault when I was just a little kid
Content/Trigger warning: TW: Distressing content
bloodied I stared at my wretched existence for many years.
Hope had gone, pain throbbing, hungry and thirsty, cold and alone,
the inner demons dragging me deeper and deeper down the drain,
helpless the wicked abused my life, robbing me of all my possessions.
*
Most of my life I lay there beside the road alone
I don't know how I survived my miserable existence,
Content/Trigger warning: TW: Distressing content/Sexual abuse
by-passers often bashed me, blaming me for their hate.
Content/Trigger warning: TW: Distressing content/Sexual abuse
At first I was raped night after night for years,
Content/Trigger warning: TW: Distressing content/Sexual abuse
lately mainly tortured for cruel fun and cheap thrills,
oh yes, those wicked ones have been hurting me!
Not often have peels been part of my diet,
weeds, grass, rotten fruit and insects,
that's what I ate, such meagre meals.
I was skin over bones and smelled like sewage.
Walking dead, longing for an early ending.
I didn't feel worthy to carry the name human.
*
Suddenly I became aware of a pleasant aroma,
a beautifully perfumed visitor, a rich stranger,
he knelt beside beside me and took hold of me
I thought, maybe he'll give me something worthwhile,
I'd better ask quickly before he goes on his way,
normally the rich don't ever stop to talk to me!
*
Facing the visitor I croaked through parched lips,
please? I am unable to move and very hungry,
my last visitor abused me and I'm hurting bad,
could you spare me some food or money,
a sip of water, I'm so thirsty right now?
Expectantly I looked up into the man's eyes.
*
Chewing delicious bread I stared at the stranger,
the young wine had refreshed me completely
where did all this come from I wonder?
My taste-buds were in Heaven and so was I
I couldn't believe what I was hearing
I remember his lips pronounce the words;
*
"Shalom... Beloved...
*
..You're most welcome, my child," he said,
"Eat your fill, here, have another sip of wine,
your clothes are all worn, dirty and broken.
At home I have some new clean garments your size,
a warm bath and a place of safety and rest,
awaiting my dwelling-place high-up New Eden street."
*
That's what he said, and that's what he did for me!
Amazed I watched as out of nowhere servants arrived,
gently lifting me out of my grime and of the street,
carrying me along an all together different route,
right to the top of a most beautiful mountain hill,
halting before a mansion I didn't know could exist.
*
A doctor came and tended my wounds and sores
ointments soothing, smelling like fragrant herbs
a massage, gently, carefully rejuvenating me.
Years long ache disappearing, well-being arriving,
heaven on earth how could all this be for me,
when did I do anything to deserve this treatment?
*
A gentle knock on my door, as I lay sleeping
in a massive bedroom, adorned for royalty.
"You've been invited at The Feast tonight."
I recall this loving moment fleetingly pass by,
how lovely he looked standing there,
"and Dad said he likes to meet you as well."
*
I remember how confused I had been, Dad?
A party tonight, seeing Dad, who and what else?
Why is he looking after me so fantastically well?
My mind was in turmoil after all these events,
several hours ago I still lay dying in my filth,
and now..? now I was so alive and so fulfilled!
*
Gratitude arose like paradise restored within,
never before did I feel so much thankfulness,
I'd been rescued from a life of painful misery,
saved from the wretchedness of my existence,
restored to human dignity, loved and cared for,
deep down I knew Life had found me for good.
