@Realness I used to be very much...like you and @heartathome "overwhelmed and have difficulty putting two sentences together all the time"...especially orally. However in the last 8 years or so, having had lots of therapy, my mouth can work alright. The problem is still there, as its hard working out how much to say, as mostly I have been dealt a lot of judgment if I am too open about my life and story. There is just too much shame and complexity. even if I try and simplify it.
I have appreciated the forums as being a place I dont have to constantly self censor, as to what is appropriate. At least I thought I could be all of me.
Heartathome, of course I dont mind you asking. I appreciate that you notice and care. I really have been pretty invisible to care for such a long time, that I would NOT be annoyed at repeating anything. My son is remaining home. I hope enjoys the house and the car and he has more social contact this year than the last few years, as we were very isolated. SO I am trying to be hopeful and not worry.
It is a time of year that has a lot of triggers for me, including 2 anniversaries, but it may be better for him. I can only hope and pray. In a way the intergenerational transmission of trauma can make the vicarious aspects tougher for him. I know the I have tried to make plans respecting his personal integrity and personal agency. I try and be careful not to let my worry unduly unsettle him, but in our circumstances it has been hard to be absolutely clear about all the aspects of those things. Partly why, I shy away from excessively absolutist thinking. though of course I like it when things can rock solid and real.
I have been using the support button like @AlwaysMyself for pretty much a decade. The end of last year was the first time I noticed difficulties aorund the support button and the longer threads not being functional. Guess its due to the site being used!?!
@DownMoreThanUp @AuntGlow @ENKELI
I am bringing this book "Divine Beauty: The Invisible Embrace" to help nourish me and keep my mind oriented. It is only a week and a half away including travel. I am pretty anxious as my train was booked ages ago, but plans changed due to bus replacements, and I cannot do a bus all the way to Sydney with my neck, so am flying. I am also anxious as there are tricky uncomfortable relationships with people that are also going. I dont even know why I persist, but to cancel, may upset things more. idk. I just hope I dont stuff things up. I have been about 6 times before to this participatory music festival, so it has become an annual pilgrimage, and I know a few people. Its not a random tourist event. It has helped me to plan it as something creative to get through the anniversaries. There is usually a mix of Sacred and secular music.
Thanks for including me in respectful caring Christian chat.
https://www.garrattpublishing.com.au/product/9780553813098/
