Yes i did go off prescription meds for a reason. No matter what A.D i use, the best they do is depress me rock bottom, the worst they do is turn me suicidal. (Once after just two hours starting a new AD, and if not for my wife i would have never survived.) i have literally tried every single one on the market i think. For years my psychiatrist tried them out on me. These years of prescription medications have been the deepest years of depression i have ever suffered throughout my entire life. (Very much also because my doctor kept the stuff that does work from me, claiming it was causing me to be sick.)
While modern anti-psychotics almost all have AD chemicals included. This is why the doctors in the end put me on an anti-psychotic from the 60s. i used that one full-time from 2011 to 2019, with only a few times stopping them for a short time in that duration. (Always out of utter frustration with my reality, but which promptly had me suffer a major psychotic break down within a few months, if not weeks of stopping them.)
The problem with antipsychotics is that they depress me 24/7. For i stop cycling through my moods and end up perpetually depressed. And if that was not bad enough they made me mindless. For they would stop me from thinking, and i would sit in my chair most of the day staring in front of me into nothingness hating my existence.
This is when Jesus suggested to me that i slowly cut back on the anti-psychotics. And i mean really slow! So i cut back over more than 3 years i think. i would take of a few crumbs of my anti-psychotic and then learning to get used to being with less, and handle the increased turmoil and emotional feelings, until full stability would be found again, then a few more crumbs. And in like such a manner, over a period over three years, i slowly cut down on my anti-psychotics.
A time which proofed to be a really hard time for both me as well as my wife. For we had a lot of triggers between us, after me suffering years of psychotic break downs. For often, either my wife, or me, would get triggered by my at times semi psychotic states. For i be learning to deal with myself a psychotic person, in a positive manner, instead of negative, and how to best keep psychosis away.
However the strong bond of love between us as well as lots of prayer and soul searching had both of us overcome our triggers each time. And so in the end i could finally stop my anti-psychotics 24/7 and had learned to self medicate and keep myself stable that way.
Not using psych meds has me again cycling through my moods. Which at the moment is out of balance again because of the recent psychotic episode i suffered. But overall i did more than three years without prescription meds without a psychotic break down, and finally had more good days than bad, days i am feeling only slightly depressed instead of hate my existence as been.
The non prescription meds i use now, i use in a twofold manner, which are in a completely different from of each other, and is too complex to explain to you, even if the mods would allow me to share this info with you.
In a nutshell i do not like taking the meds when i'm down, for then i have to use the meds in their most active state, and i do not like using it like that much at all, even though such can bring incredible relief and stability. Therefore i often skimp on using my meds when i start to feel down and have like so learned to turn much of my negative down times into much more postive down time, as i showed in my list before.
However not using meds can become a real problem when i'm, what i term, in my negative down, (i'm always my raging alter then, and i hate using meds in that state for it medicates me away from being like that.) This is why i begin treat myself medicating myself as the enemy, instead of my best friend. And if my wife does not keep me using it regularly, i know i will stop using meds altogether and end up suicidally depressed being hard and loveless towards myself.
For we both know me falling in my loveless state, is the most dangerous state i can be in. For when i get out of touch with my love, which always happens when i become deeply depressed, (for i seem to descend in a kind of manically filled (self) hate,) and will refuse to continue self medicating, but instead will begin to prey on my own life.)
