@REDLINEZ750 So good to hear you have been encouraged hearing us discuss the love of our life. There was a time Jesus did not mean this much to me. Years ago struck in my pit having been depressed for years and been suicidal for about a year and a half, i had secretly my untimely demise fully prepared, and ready to execute.
Then one night, after 1am sometime, sitting in my chair, with my bible open on my lap but not reading it, struggling with hearing voices, hallucinations and hating myself. Living my Hell in all its gory detail real life.
When suddenly Jesus was with me. To my shame my first response was anger. i blasted Him for letting me down and not caring about me. i was truly being awful in my bitterness even thinking at the time He came to mock me down there.
However every accusation i fired His way Jesus send back with vision of myself, year in year out, doing to myself, what i charged Him doing to me. He showed through me through my own actions how years of believing the lies of my depression had gotten me where i was, and not Him. And that all the judgement i thought He had piled on me, was not ever Him doing that but me doing that to myself - time and again. And that He loved me, not hated me, like i did, and had preparing my own death, while He had Heaven laying ready for me
And even as i had raged at Him in my anger and bitterness, Jesus spoke to me in loving fellowship. Not exclusion, as the depression always made me feel, but inclusion. And so my heart melted His words and revelation of Himself within me. Then i was back on my own looking done on my bible laying open on my lap.
These words jumped out at me however, 'God cannot be mocked a man will reap what he sows.' Everything Jesus had shown me just before, about me generating my own misery heeding lies about God, myself and everything else is what was causing the depression to be so bad, no Jesus 'punishing' me for my sins, as i had erroneously been thinking for years on end on the bottom of it, but me generating ever more bad life heeding the lies of my depression.
And so i learned to heed the Spirit of Jesus, reading the word of God to my heart, ever after this meeting with Jesus down deep, and no longer the spirit depression, who had been tormenting me in my hell for so many years.
The witness of His love growing in my heart and undoing years of loveless suffering as He came along on my journey, was the very cloud of witness i have seen Him reign my life from ever since. Even as the Word of God has become God's love letter to me, instead of a religious historical document as it had so often been for me.
Hoping you find encouragement me sharing this with you. For in my books it is not us slacking off serving God that is our issue, as the accuser of the brethren so often accuses us off down deep, but the lies we believe about God, ourself as His children, and His other children around us, not loving Jesus for who He really is.
Jesus the Saviour of The World and The Goodness of God we may freely meet in our fallen human spirit, because He knows where the lies we believe have taken us. And not only does He know where the lies take us, He has overcome the bad life they brought us, and has ETERNAL life laying ready for us, ALIVE right on the bottom of our miserable life down deep.
i will love Jesus forever coming to my rescue, and showing me how to turn my depressive illness into a gold mine, instead of a black hole sucking me endlessly deep into Abyss below as been.
i wrote a poem about that time. i think i might have already shared it, but i'm not sure where on SANE i did.
See if you relate
Twice Blinded,
What destroyer, where could he be?
Yet that deadly snake bite I didn't see!
For part of myself was dragged away.
Held captive there by Wicked's sway.
All those lies sown in my mind and soul,
satan taking day by day more control.
Feeding my life his lies bringing misery.
For all my good times became history.
For lies bring thoughts and feelings around,
which are in no way true, good, or sound.
Producing inner kings cruel and strong,
sinful ways delivering ever more wrong.
Raising Babylon in all her unholy might.
Holding me captive, blinding my sight.
Denying God's grace to rule my ways,
mocking my loving Saviour in His face.
Seeing horse hooves trampling my soul!
Grass-hoppers devouring me in my all.
Massive scorpions wrongfulness stinging.
Inner famine only more famine bringing.
Sulphur and brimstone fry life in sins to ash,
massive hailstones my life in wrong to smash.
The darkness of my life ever growing close,
For those goats inside got me by the nose.
And so working for what is not true bread.
The Lord's redeeming grace I did forget.
Thinking my world would always stink,
driving all my good life to the outer brink.
Yet there at the bottom of my fleshly might.
His Word began to give me back my sight
Jesus, my Lord, whom I bring so much grief,
when I have that liar ruling as my chief!
And so The Light of Life did shine on me!
God's Spirit alive inside my heart to see!
What blinding light I saw displayed there?
God's love for me on display everywhere!
Christ's Blood washing me white as snow!
His loving truth inside my heart does flow!
Lamb of God forever i will give you praise!
For from the dead Your love did me raise.
The Living Word places those lowest in the Highest HIGH.
Can depression take God's love from us? Why would we let it?
The Truth of God's love will cleanse us of all bad life hurting
No more guilt defining who we are but God's love testifying our identity
God's love is free for ALL
